


The Stillness Of The Deep Sea

by CowandCalf



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 10.07, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arguments, Danny is Steve's guiding light, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-it, Episode Tag, First Kiss, First Time, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, References to Depression, episode related 10.07, long fix-it, missing weekend, this fic doesn't follow canon after 10.07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22209985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowandCalf/pseuds/CowandCalf
Summary: Steve doesn't recover emotionally from the loss of his mother. He's convinced he has failed as a SEAL and as a son. He doesn't find his way back from the dark place that has spread deep into his heart and his mind. Danny isn't sure if his plan is going to work but he runs out of options. He has to take action to organize the right setting for the long-overdue talk. Danny knows Steve won't appreciate what he's about to do.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 203
Kudos: 326





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Kaony mālie o ke kai hohonu** is the Hawaiian translation of the title. I planned to pick that name but I went with the English version. I can't really remember the title when it's in Hawaiian and that's a shame. Hawaiian carries the knowledge of their ancestors. I love that. It's always strong in the meaning.
> 
> This is a metaphor aiming for the calmness of Steve's soul after he's in a mind-shattering free fall without any chance to land on his feet. He needs Danny who takes him by the hand and shows him how to gain back control of his inner roughened, wild sea.
> 
> **A/N**  
>  The emotions of this heart-wrenching episode were like flying glass splinters. They got driven deep into my skin and my heart. My soul constantly rubbed against the rough edges. This fix-it is my way to grant my heart the much-needed peace. It's the comfort I want Steve to have so he can get his equilibrium back.
> 
> Steve's a strong man in every sense. His mind is made of steel and an unyielding iron will. The sheer amount of emotions he reveals during episode 10.07 carries the feel of a bottomless abyss.  
> That day, the moment he had to let go of his dead mother's hand when his mind refused to catch up with the harsh, naked truth, in that moment life has choked Steve and he's been out of air ever since.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I don't own the show, Hawaii Five-0, or any characters. I don't make money with my stories. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> This story is not beta read. All my mistakes are my own.
> 
> The story is finished. I always need a lot of words to get my inner images across until they feel right. Hence, chapters. I can't post this fix-it in one piece, that would be an overkill.
> 
> A sincere thank you goes to all of you, my wonderful readers who drop by to read my story. I'm always touched by the attention and the time you present me. You guys, you rock my world. Thank you so much for reading.

Danny ends the call with Kamekona.

He bumps his head against the headrest and presses the phone absentmindedly to his lips. He has no idea if Steve's going to follow him willingly. Danny inflates his cheeks and blows the air noisy through tight lips. He knows Steve's no friend of surprises. Steve hates not knowing what to expect. But Danny can't fill him in on the details of his plan. Steve would bolt and disappear physically. Danny senses how Steve slips away, out of his grasp. His heart clenches every time a bit more when he looks at Steve witnessing how the hollowness grows bigger behind his eyes.

Danny has to act this weekend.

He's just gone through all the details with Kamekona. Everything is ready and set. His Hawaiian friend awaits them in a couple of hours. Danny's got Kawika's permission after Kemakona has told him that his plan isn't unrealistic and that it wouldn't cost him half of his savings to put everything into action. Kawika owns that part of the island and it's his go Danny has needed to give Kamekona the order to get everything ready.

Danny would have emptied his damn bank account if he had to, just to make sure to cover every possibility that might help Steve. But Danny runs out of options fast. He would turn the world upside down if this supported Steve to get his footing back. Danny can't resurrect Steve's mother but if he could he damn would. 

Danny shakes his head over the wild, stupid thoughts he muses about while stalling time. He drops the phone into his lap and turns his head to watch the front door through the window.

He loves Steve. He loves him so damn much. Danny has almost made peace with how he's had to force his love into a form that lets him breathe normally. Some days are more difficult. In times like these, it's torture to only stand there without the possibility to wrap Steve in a comforting, tight hug. A hug that means love and depth and that ends in tender kisses and an afternoon in bed, cuddling under the covers. Danny wishes to give Steve a safe place and countless full-body hugs until he'd felt a bit better.

That's why Danny needs to do something otherwise he goes crazy. The pain eats at Steve's soul. The guilt over what has happened grinds against his heart and rips off pieces, every day another big chunk. Danny's afraid that one day Steve's grief is so overpowering that he'd lose the chance to ever find back from the darkness that dims the light every day a bit more.

If his plan doesn't work out today, Danny might need to come up with another solution. Hell, he's ready to make up any story just to be closer to Steve. If Steve refuses to join him on this trip, Danny's going to pack his bags just to barge into Steve's house with a far-fetched, half-believable something. He'd use any means available just to find a reason to stay at Steve's for a few days, a week, whatever. He needs to be much closer to Steve to look after him.

The worry about Steve ties Danny's stomach in knots. He's even ready to cuff him, to gag him and to kidnap him just to get him on that boat. And when they're on their way to the island it's anyway too late for Steve to bolt.

"Let's find out," Danny murmurs to himself and pushes the car door open. His heart seems to drag its beats along as if his blood has gotten thick and gooey. Danny inhales deeply but he can't get rid of the feeling to run out of air when he walks towards Steve's house.

Danny knows he's afraid to find Steve exactly on the same spot like every other day he's visited him after they've returned from Washington.

After the funeral it has gotten worse. What hasn't been shattered the day Steve watched his mom die froze up when the coffin was lowered into the square hole in the ground. Steve stood at attention throughout the whole ceremony. No muscles twitched in his jaw, his hands rested relaxed and intertwined against his front. Steve didn't talk and he didn't want to be comforted. He only wanted to be left alone. 

Everyone came but Mary. She had to stay at home because Joanie had caught a bad ear infection. Mary didn't want to risk the flight to attend her mother's funeral. She was devasted and cried on the phone. Danny heard her sobs when Steve tried to calm her before he entered the church.

Since that day Steve's world has been out of whack. And he hasn't found the way back. Mary still hasn't visited Steve or her mother's grave. And Danny knows Mary wants to come to Hawaii. It's Steve. He's stalling. He's the one who's not ready to deal with the physical presence of his sister and his niece in Hawaii. Danny knows this because Mary keeps calling him. She's kind of freaking out and deeply worried about what's up with her brother. Steve withdraws dangerously fast.

Danny watches Junior and Eddie step out of the front door. He waves and waits for Danny to catch up.

"Hey, Danny," Junior's face mirrors control and Danny instantly knows something has happened.

"Junior, what's up?" Danny stills and braces himself for the bad news. "Did something happen?"

Junior fights with himself, obviously uncomfortable to talk to Danny about Steve's issues.

"Look, Junior, we all want the best for him. We're all here to help him through but we can only succeed if he lets us. He fights therapy like the devil hates holy water. And he doesn't talk. He's not letting anyone in on his thoughts, his worries, his pain. And it starts to change him. So… tell me, what happened." Danny explains gently.

Junior watches him with a high concentration. He's still so young but his eyes show wisdom and a deep understanding. "I was there with him in Mexico, you know? There I was his brother and…as a SEAL he respects me and we're equal. He talked to me like a true friend, Danny. He entrusted me with emotional details about his mother reading to him." Junior suffers, too. "But everything's changed. I can't…I can' feel him anymore. I can't feel the bond, Danny. It scares me. We're losing him."

Danny has to look away. His heart jumps in his chest, making him briefly rub his fist against his breastbone. He knows about that talk where Steve opened up to Junior, telling him about his nightmares and his deep love for his mother. About Moby Dick and precious memories and about the pain to lose her. 

Danny turns his head again and searches for Junior's eyes. Eddie sits by his side and waits patiently for them to end their talk.

"What happened, Junior?" Danny asks again, calmly and with patience, he doesn't feel.

Junior pats Eddie's head and scratches him behind his ear. He exhales with force. He stands up straight again and tenses up. "He forgot to feed Eddie."

A long, meaningful pause follows.

Danny frowns. "For lunch?"

"No, the whole day. Steve…Steve has just forgotten to feed Eddie." Junior seems to search for words. "I left this morning. I called for Steve, telling him he needs to feed Eddie. I let him back into the house after our morning walk. I drove directly to the HQ to catch up with some paperwork. I didn't wait for Steve's answer but I know he heard me. He was in the living room. But somehow…he forgot Danny and Eddie was home all day, without food and a barely filled bowl of water. That's bad, Danny." Junior whispers the last words and reaches down to run his fingers through Eddie's fur.

Danny plays with the car keys; his other hand hugs the cell in his pocket. "Yes, that's…that's bad, Junior. I'm very sorry Eddie was hungry all day. Shit." Danny registers the flash of pain that explodes behind his heart. "Shit." His eyes searches Eddie's. The furry faithful companion looks up at him, wagging his tail with his concentration fully on him. "Poor, sweet baby," Danny murmurs and squats down to press his lips to Eddie's head. He silently apologizes to the dog and he knows Steve's going to be wrecked because of his unintentional lack of caring.

"Did you reach Mary?" Junior pins him down with a laser focus. He must have copied that move from Steve.

"Yeah, I did. She's upset and sad. She can't reach Steve, meaning he doesn't take her calls anymore. I guess the guilt he feels about taking away the last parent they had weighs too heavy on his mind. He can't face Mary. She'd never hold this against him but Steve's in a bad place." Danny rubs his fingers over his lips. His throat is suddenly very dry.

"Two weeks and nothing has changed." Junior fishes his keys from his pockets. "Ethan and Mike asked to come by for a visit but I told them no. I'm afraid these guys could trigger a fresh overload of pain. I don't know what to do anymore, Danny." Junior's silent plea lets Danny know that all eyes are on him.

He's the only one for this job.

Danny drags his hands through his hair and blinks a few times to clear his vision. He draws in air and sighs long and meaningful. "I know that Steve appreciates the team. He appreciates all of you, Junior and I know it means a lot to him that you want to be there for him. But emotions are like enemies, he fights them instead of embracing them. I need to talk to Steve…in private, far away from his home where everything reminds him of his parents and what he's lost." Danny explains with a raspy voice. He feels nervous and wedges his hands under his armpits to hold on to something.

Junior nods. "Yeah, I know. I know."

Junior's still so young but as brave and wise as an old warrior who's seen to many battles. It's unsettling to watch how the worries over Steve almost brings him to his knees. The hope in his eyes send a jolt through Danny's aching heart.

"You're ready? Everything's set?" Junior asks with an urge in his voice. Danny knows it's time to get on with his plan. 

"Yes, everything's set." Danny confirms with a short nod.

"Is Kamekona's waiting for you?"

"He's already at the jetty. I just talked to the big guy. All set. His guys have prepared the shack and the beach. The cool boxes are stocked, the boat's fully tanked and I even know how to get to the island." Danny's eyes fall on his shoes, the small shred of doubt stays if it's a good plan and if he does the right thing. He catches Junior's calm gaze. "It's the place his father wanted to take him and Mary for fishing and snorkeling…but never made it. Mary told me where to find that place." Danny gnaws at his bottom lip. "I hope Steve won't throw a punch at me when he finds out where I wanna take him. I can't really say what's going on in his mind." Danny thins his lips to keep it together. He curls his toes in his shoes. His muscles seem all tied up in knots, hard and aching. "I just hope I do the right thing."

"It's worth a shot, Danny. You have to try." He lets out a low, slow breathe. "How long do you intend to stay?" Junior fumbles with Eddie's leash.

"Two days at least, that is if Steve agrees to come with me. I'm not so sure how he's going to react once I've told him he should go and get a bag ready for beach days with fins and snorkel."

"It's not going to be easy to convince him to go with you, Danny. But you'll be fine. You'll make him go." The trust in Junior's voice shouldn't make Danny feel even more agitated.

"I'll hope for the best. He'll suspect immediately that there's more to it. I've figured that much. But… has he showered today?" Danny is not sure if he wants to know the answer to this.

Junior squirms under Danny's inquiring look. "He went for a swim this morning but I didn't hear the water running afterward. I can't, Danny…I can't order Steve to shower. It's…I hate to see him so lost and so hurt. He wards off any question that has got something to do with his well-being. He's stonewalling, Danny and you know we don't get through that wall. He doesn't let us. But you, you're different. You're the only one who could reach him. The only one he would let get pass his iron gates." Junior clips the leash to Eddie's collar but his eyes snap back to Danny a second later. "Help him, Danny. Please." He simply states, letting on how much trust he has in Danny's ability to save Steve from the lurking darkness. 

Danny's chest clenches. The faith everyone has in him is overwhelming. What if he can't get through to Steve? What if he didn't let anyone near him, not even Danny? "I'll try my best, Junior. I just hope I haven't made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do anymore."

Junior's hand lands heavily but solidly on his shoulder. The assuring squeeze hurts but it's kind of grounding. Junior's gaze drills into Danny's. It's an old man's wisdom studying Danny's face. War does this to young men. Junior has seen already too much violence in his young life. Danny nods to confirm Junior's silent plea.

"Let me know if you need me. I'm at Tani's. Eddie's with me. Go get him." Junior nods briefly, turns and heads toward his car.

Danny watches him leave and he still stands rooted to the spot after Junior's car has disappeared around the corner.  
Danny's fingers can't stop playing with the car key. He turns around, knowing that he has to choose his words wisely when he starts the discussion with Steve.

Danny steps through the front door and heads straight for the lanai and the beach. Steve's routine has become predictable.

It's Saturday afternoon. Danny knows Steve sits at the beach in the weather-beaten wooden chair, a beer in one hand and with his eyes fixed on the horizon, looking at nothing in particular. Steve fades away every day a bit more. He's stopped to look after himself. He's also lost weight.

Danny absorbs the sight when he walks slowly toward where Steve sits watching the sea. The scenery might as well be a painting on a wall somewhere, expressing the lonely days and weeks before the beloved person finds their way back home, awaited with impatience from the ones that are left behind. 

Only this time, no one will put an end to Steve's patience. No one will come to ease Steve's raw feelings. No one will arrive to put a smile on his face and wrap him in a hug to wipe the sorrows off his mind.

Steve's mom won't return. Danny knows that Steve knows that. But regardless of the hard facts of him having buried his mom no so long ago, Steve waits every day anew at the beach hoping for a miracle to unfold. Or maybe he just waits for life to go by until his time has come.

Danny feels the headache creep up on him from the increasing tension. The pressure clamps down on the muscles on his neck the closer he gets to where Steve sits as calmly and as motionless as a statue.

Steve always has smelled awesome like sun and beach: wild like the wind and fresh like the forest. Nowadays, Danny's nose catches the stale scent of old sweat and unwashed skin. Steve's in a dark place and Danny's afraid his love won't be enough to find him in the maze of his mind. Danny has never seen Steve like this and it scares the living shit out of him. 

The chilly sensation in his chest spreads more with every passing day. Steve functions. He shows up at work, runs his task force and goes back home to sit on the beach staring into space, not willing to interact with his _ohana_ , his friends and family.

And Steve has stopped to talk to Danny. 

It's a bitter taste in his mouth to know Steve disconnects even from him. Danny hasn't slept three hours in a row since they have gotten back from Washington. His dreams are filled with Steve's broken, chaffed voice when he has explained that nothing can be decided. Everything is on life terms or not at all.

Steve has stopped to interact with life. He has been hurt one time too many. He can take no more and Danny would want to sink down on his knees to beg Steve just to start to talk. He wants to beg him to open up so Danny would know what to do. He wants so badly to take care of Steve's infected wound his heart has turned into.

Come hell or high water, Danny won't give up on him. Never. He's ready for a fight, for being yelled at, for getting hurt. Danny's ready to do whatever is necessary to haul Steve back onto the safe ground where his feet won't dangle over the ridge of an abyss.

Danny straightens his shoulders and plasters a forced, small smile to his lips. He fakes easy-going and pretends not to be shaken and scared by how the dense and misty clouds of a looming depression circle over Steve's head. Danny makes sure to drag his feet through the grass to announce his coming.

Steve gets easily startled these days and Danny can't wipe out the picture of a disturbingly terrified Steve off his mind. The one incident he happened to witness when he somehow sneaked up on Steve unintendedly. Danny didn't want to interrupt Steve's train of thought. For a couple of seconds, Steve lost his orientation and the silent whisper sounded horribly familiar when he uttered one word: Mom?

The image of Steve's shocked expression as he jumped up, crazy-eyed, his muscles as strained as an iron rope, slipping into panic mode is burnt into Danny's memory. 

So, Danny makes some noise when he walks towards the wooden chair where Steve sits and watches the sea.

"Hiyah," Danny greets and pulls the second chair closer before he lowers himself on the seat, groaning a tad too loud.

Danny counts the seconds in his head for Steve to notice his presence. Five. Five long seconds.

"Hi," a word barely a breath of air, rough and too silent. "I'm not in the mood to talk," Steve adds tiredly.

Danny 's eyebrows climb up his forehead. His actions seem just as predictable as Steve's daily routine. "I'm not here to talk, Steve."

Steve grunts and bends down to open the cooler. He reaches for beer and offers it to Danny.

"Thanks," Danny's hand curls around the cool bottle and for some moments they go silent.

The sight of a cooler filled with beer right in front of Steve's chair doesn't sit well with Danny but he keeps his mouth shut. He can't come up with everything at once. But mourning and drinking alone can't be the solution. For some time, this might be needed but that's a straight road on the highway to hell. Steve's going to ruin himself if getting slowly drunk during the afternoon has become a habit. Not a wise idea.

Danny's grip tightens around the beer bottle.

The soft sound of the waves meeting the shore is kind of lulling. Danny has always loved the beach at Steve's house. In fact, it is one of his most favorite places on the island. The grass tickles the sole of his feet and Danny plays with the blades of the short grass. He tries to pull out as many as he could manage by curling his toes to grab at them.

"What you're doing, Danny?" Steve turns and watches him with the ever-somber eyes. Somehow Steve's eyes got darker and much harder to read.

"Playing with the grass, letting time pass." 

"Stop it. It's annoying. I know you come to see me with an intention. I can even smell it on you." Steve grumbles.

"Well, some things won't change. I wanted to check up on you. And besides, it's what we do on Saturdays, hang out together. At least, that's what we used to do." Danny's smile almost hurts. His gaze is glued to his toes. He can't face Steve yet.

Steve's energy changes and Danny's skin tingles with the sudden shift in the air.

"Look, Danny," Steve leans back and watches the horizon. "I tell you the same every time you come here with the intention to try to make me do things. Gimme time. I'll bounce back. Just as… just as I always have. It takes longer this time. Don't," Steve takes a swig, "don't pressure me. I can't take it. It makes me… angry." His tone ends in a low breathing, impatience and deep hurt seep through.

Danny knows this. He tries his best to give Steve all the time he needs. Danny easily recalls how he felt after Matty got killed. Nothing seemed to fix his inner, horrifying chaos. And the self-loathing makes him hate his guts. Danny sought destruction and pain and it didn't help zero fucks to deal with the pain. Nothing helped. No fucking thing.  
The only thing Danny could do was to sustain the tearing emotions and to move on, hoping he wouldn't lose himself.

Steve keeps pushing Danny away. The situation is so deadly serious it makes him want to break something.

But Danny fails in letting Steve just vanish into this no man's land that seems to be his preferred place to be after they returned to Hawaii. Danny's fear rises because he knows one day Steve won't let him be a part of that no man's land either. 

Danny gulps down a swallow of the cold beer. He blinks against the glittering water and hides the sandy feeling in his eyes. He has no idea how to get the message across that he's here to take Steve on a trip. He goes for broke and let the information detonate between them like a bomb, hard and not willing to give room for any compromises.

Danny inhales with care. "You have to get up and pack a bag, babe. Like now or in the next five minutes." Danny's thumbnail scratches over the edge of the beer label. He feels his pulse in his tongue. "We're going on a trip. You and I. We'll be away for two days. Maybe three. An island trip." He doesn't look at Steve and he tries not to swallow the beer down the wrong tube. God, his heart races in his chest. "The two of us…we're going on an island trip."

Steve goes completely stiff and stays silent.

Danny half expects to feel a fist collide with his jaw. Or that he has to watch Steve's back when he stands up to walk away from Danny. But none of those things are happening. Steve keeps drinking his beer and downright ignores Danny's words.

"Did you hear what I've just said?" Danny asks with a firm voice. 

"You have to leave, Danny," Steve answers calmly. The wrong calm. The one where an infuriating Steve hunkers behind the calmness only to break free and to turn as cold as ice, hostile before he retreats into a shell behind his inner walls where Danny can't follow.

"I won't leave, Steve. Not this time. I can't," Danny leans forward, elbows propped up on his knees, the beer bottle dangles from his fingers. He shoots Steve a side-glance without really seeing anything. "I can't leave. I can't let you do this to you. You are," he clears his throat, "you are not in a good place Steve and you don't have the strength to pull yourself out from there." Danny straightens back up and dares to really look at Steve.

Steve seems to be relaxed; the beer bottle sits loosely in his hands and Danny wishes to think that he actually listens to what he says. But he's also well-aware of Steve's technics to blot out a whole conversation.

Danny knows about his aversion to emotional talks, of discussing his state of mind. Steve can't deal with failure and he can't deal with grief and loss like a normal person. Danny knows all this but he has to put pressure onto the wound until the pain is unbearable. This time he has to otherwise he loses Steve to a dark wasteland that has existed since the day they've met.

"You won't have a choice, Steve. Not this time. I'm your best friend and I know you. Maybe not the same way as your SEAL buddies do but we share a decade of experiences and a close friendship together. We have each other's back. I have yours. Always. I'm here for you, Steve. Even if you don't want my support."

"You've heard what I've said to you in Washington in that hotel room, haven't you?" Steve's voice was as still as the sea. The abyss underneath the tons of water clearly sensible.

"Yeah, I heard everything." Danny fills his lungs with air.

He remembers every little detail, especially how destroyed and hopeless Steve looked. Life has a devastating effect on him. Steve lost too many beloved people within a too short period of time.

Steve's voice is tight and full of suppressed pain. "Then you also know that you have to leave me alone with the senseless talk about my emotions. Nothing helps. I do my job, I get my work done, I function. Don't ask anything else from me." Steve knocks back the rest of his beer and goes silent again. "I lost my mom because I calculated wrong. Leave me the hell alone, Danny."

"You forgot to feed Eddie today," Danny states in a neutral tone to cover up the uneasy rush of fear. "He was hungry all day. I met Junior. He's worried too, you know?"

There's a twitch in Steve's body but he goes still the same second. Danny knows it will get nasty before it hopefully will turn to the better. Steve doesn't comment.

"Mary called me a few times already, asking how you're doing. When I asked why she doesn't give you a call she said she tries all the time but you won't take her calls. Why are you avoiding your sister, Steve?"

Danny knows that Steve's teeth must hurt the way he clenches his jaw. 

"I do things my way. I'll call her later today. You better go now." Steve demands. The bitterness between the words made Danny's abs tense up.

"No, I won't leave, Steve. You get up and you go and pack your bag or I'll do it for you. I know that when I leave you sit here all alone, drowning in horrible guilt and dark thoughts while you get slowly drunk so you can sleep. I know how this works and I can't let you do that. I… I, look, Steve, I care for you. I know you're hurting. Let me be there for you, please." Danny bites his lips and briefly closes his eyes. He would beg on his knees if he had to.

"I can't, Danny. Just…please, leave." Steve begs with a rawness that tells Danny more pressure is needed. It's not yet enough.

Danny stands up and empties his beer with slow gulps. He braces himself for any impact and opens the cooler to put the empty bottle back. He reaches over and pulls Steve's beer bottle from his loose grip. 

"I don't repeat myself, Steve. Get up, go pack your bag and meet me in five downstairs. You forgot to feed Eddie today. Your dog was hungry because _you forgot to feed him, Steve._ That was the last straw that breaks the camel's back. For Christ's sake, how much more proof do you need that you aren't in good mental health, Steve? I don't ask you to, I order you to do it…move. Go get ready. I mean it." Danny urges him but to his credit, he doesn't shout. His voice is calm, even soothing.

Danny would want nothing more but to pull Steve into a comforting hug. He waits and fights back the sick feeling that makes his hand shakes.

Steve jumps up. The wave of fury makes Danny stumble but he stands his ground. Danny knows above all Steve's a private person and Danny has just now pried open Steve's inner walls with a rebar, demanding a disrespectful entry without permission. Danny's hurting Steve and he knows it.

But Danny's willing to pay the price if it means that Steve's heart gets to heal.

"You can't make me do anything, Danny. And Eddie's fine, nothing happened and it won't happen again. Don't make me yell at you." Steve's posture is rigid, his voice hard and unyielding.

Danny feels the tiredness that eats at his bones since they have returned from Washington. He knows it's a low blow but he has to use it. He has to get Steve to pack his bags. He has to get him to this island. He needs to talk, to tell him things he can't express in this house with all the agonizing memories of two parents, murdered and somehow connected to Steve's job. The McGarrett's house isn't the right setting for what Danny has in mind.

He turns and for the first time since he has set foot on the beach today, he really looks at Steve. He has never been afraid of this special man, no matter how mad or how secretive Steve has behaved. And this terrible situation changes nothing in the way Danny feels. He also senses the fear that breathes under Steve's skin, the way it shines through his eyes, well-controlled but all-consumingly there. Danny knows he's going to open Pandora's box once they have arrived on Kawika's island. 

Therapy always starts with the band-aid that has to be ripped off the wound. This nasty ulcer has to heal, it has to get cleaned so it won't fester anymore. And that's always an emotional trip to hell and hopefully back. Danny is willing to march through blazing fire for Steve because he loves him. He loves him so damn much.

"Do you trust me, Steve?" Danny asks solemnly. He holds Steve's gaze, strong and steady.

Steve stares back at him. Various emotions flicker behind his beautiful, pain-painted eyes. It takes a long time for him to answers. Danny knows he fights an inner battle and Danny waits. 

After an eternity Steve says a single word. "Yes." He goes silent again. Their eyes stay interlocked for some precious seconds before Steve stiffly turns and stomps back toward the lanai.

Danny knows Steve's about to get his bag ready. He fishes his cell from his pocket. "Hi, Kamekona. We're about to hit the road. Be ready in two hours. I don't know how much traffic we've got on the way up to the north shore. But I don't want to lose precious time once we walk up that jetty. Steve might change his mind. I'm still not sure he's going to board that motorboat. But if he does, I need the motor running to take off asap. We need to make it today to the island, okay? Good. Thanks a lot, pal. I owe you. See you soon." 

Danny slips his phone into his pocket. He grabs to cooler and trudges the way back to the house. He wants to be ready with the engine running when Steve throws his duffle on the backseat of the Camaro. It's anyway going to be an awkward ride. Danny knows the jetty where Kamekona awaits him with the chartered boat. 

Danny's called Mary to find out about that special place. Danny swallows hard and tries to will his nerves into a calmer state. The slight inner tremor is distracting. He hates to be that insecure, that unsure if he does the right thing.

Steve won't be pleased to discover Danny has planned a few days off on an island where he once took Lynn for a weekend trip. Danny could slap himself over the back of his own head for being so stupid not remembering this important detail. But Steve's not really so talkative when it comes to his dates and his previous girlfriends. Everything turns out to be a secret op. And Danny's never really asked.

So, Danny just takes the chances to be strong enough to deal with the fallout, to deal with an angry, hurt and pissed off SEAL if Steve should freak out about this detail. They just have to make it to the island. Once they're there, Danny will hide the key for the boat until he has talked to Steve. He needs to get all out, everything that he thinks about since the day they've come back from Washington. 

Danny's even prepared to deal with a stubborn, bullheaded Steve. If he's fed up enough, he might decide to swim all the countless miles back home just to prove that he can. Danny pauses in his movements and leans against the closest furniture. He's scared. He would even let Steve drive his car to keep him busy but not this time. They have to make it today. 

On the island, a whole other trip will begin.

Danny wants to take Steve to a special place. A place where only good memories will remind him of happy times. Of times, when Steve's family was intact and functioning. Danny wants Steve in a place where he remembers to be loved.

Danny heaves the cooler onto the kitchen counter and puts the beers back in the fridge. His heart weighs at least fifty pounds and it hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny watches Kamekona's figure at the jetty, getting smaller by the second. Steve steers the motorboat out to the blue, wide-open ocean, hurtling down over the surface, dividing the water like a sharp knife. The engine noise is deafening, roaring like an angry animal. Steve drives aggressively and at a great speed. He's angry. He's closed off like a damn shell and plays 'starfish' on the communication level… immovable, not twitching, pretends to be unconscious.

Danny takes the figuratively beating like a champ. He has known that at one point the mood would flip entirely. He assumes Steve hasn't wanted to compromise himself by shouting at Danny, breaking off into a huge, angry argument. And this glorious, brave man is anyway too stubborn to not take a challenge. Danny has glared at him. He has dared him that he won't do it, that he won't get on the boat but instead, he would just pivot on his heels to get back to the car to race down the street where they've come from.

Danny has silently counted on the fact that Steve's a private person. Even though Kamekona is _ohana_ Steve didn't want to give him a show by fighting and arguing with Danny on the jetty like a nagging, offended husband who felt so annoyed by the weekend plans of his spouse.

Steve's duffle bag still lies in the middle of the seat group in the back of the boat, carelessly thrown on deck. He has greeted Kamekona with a tightly set jaw and has jumped on deck after Danny has ordered him to. No questions asked. 

And that causes Danny a real stomach ache. Steve hasn't spoken a word since they have glided out of the small port. For approximately half an hour already they're racing over a blue surface. Danny holds on to the metal pole on which the sun protection is fixed. His grip is as hard as a vice. The boat jumps over waves and slams the water hard, causing Danny to feel sick with the low inner blows he catches with his stomach. His back will ache for three days straight if Steve won't slow down soon. But he doesn't say a word. 

Danny's thankful Steve has agreed to go out to meet him. He's on the boat. He knows the coordinates and they're driving towards their goal. So far, everything is working according to Danny's plans. 

The boat slows down until it stops. Steve turns off the engine. The wind is strong out on the water and Danny has to pry his fingers from the metal, he has held like a drowning person for the last thirty minutes. He feels already exhausted. This trip won't be a walk in the park. Danny braces himself for what will come next.

The rattling noise of the motor rings in Danny's ears although the silence is huge, except for the waves that slosh against the bow of the boat. The intense rocking is distracting. Danny has to choose a wide stance. He tries to keep his cool and hopes not to stumble around like an unprepared tourist on his first trip. Steve has sea-legs, never lost the feeling to be on the water. He stands there behind the steering rudder as solid as a rock. 

Danny's blood pressure rises when Steve takes off his sunglasses. He slowly turns his head toward Danny and just watches him for some moments. 

_Here we go_ , Danny thinks. He's going to take with grace whatever comes flying his way. He reminds himself again that this is for Steve and if Steve doesn't feel comfortable enough, they would just turn around and head back home.

Steve leans his butt against the control panel and takes a look at Danny for the first time today with a burning intensity. "Tell me again why I am on this boat. Why are we heading for the snorkel spot my dad wanted to take me to? He never made it that far. I need an explanation, Danny. I won't go further without you being really honest with me." Steve has unpacked his Commander voice.

Danny's done pretending. He owes Steve an honest answer. He meets Steve's eyes head-on. "I'm worried about you. I know you're mourning, Steve. You have every right to do so but I'm worried and I need to talk to you." Danny hopes he finds the right words.

Steve turns his head away. His eyes wander over the surface of the water. His arms are crossed over his chest and his stance is wide and dominant. "You know I'm not good with words and you also know I don't like to discuss my situation. I'm good, Danny. You could have talked with me at home." Steve still talks to the water, avoiding Danny's eyes. Everything Steve expresses with his body screams at Danny to back the hell off.

Danny's not going to have any of this. "You know as well as I do that this discussion wouldn't happen at home, in your parents' house. This place muzzles you. Words turn to dust on your way to your mouth." 

Steve ignores this statement. "The coordinates…the direction we're heading…I've already visited this island. I know there's only jungle and nothing on it. What are we going to do there?"

Danny rather bites his tongue off than to mention Lynn so he evades this obstacle by just ignoring it, too. He can't keep his hands from moving. And the excessive way to express his words with sign language always points to inner stress. "I, uh, I went to Kamekona. I asked him straight away that I need a deserted island, no people, but a shack with a possibility to sleep and all the needed supplies to spend one or three days on that island. Kawika's family owns that beach. They've built a small wooden hut last year. It's very simple and serves the purpose. So, here we are." Danny realizes he hasn't answer Steve's question and he hastily adds, "we snorkel, we get a fire going at night and we can go fishing. I don't know. We prepare some fish over open fire…simple stuff. Stuff you like, camping stuff." Danny shut his mouth so fast his teeth click. He's about to talk himself into a corner.

Steve squints his eyes against the lowering sun. "A hut? A beach?" His voice has an uncommon high-pitched tone. "Nighttime in the jungle? A fire and fishing? You don't like any of those things, Danny! There are bugs and mosquitos and even snakes! Why would you even consider such a drastic procedure? To achieve what? Huh?" Steve can barely keep his arms from flying around, gasping of sheer incomprehension. "You can't force me to talk to you, Danny." Steve's voice is aggravated. "Don't pretend to just do all those things for the pure pleasure of it. That stuff won't make me talk."

Danny sighs and grabs the metal pole for support. "I know that, Steve. I guess I wanted to give you a time out. You hardly go on holiday. You never go on holiday actually and I wanted a change of scenery for you. I figured that a deserted island with a fantastic, untouched reef for snorkeling would switch your thought to something else, something easy and beautiful." _Away from mourning, and falling deeper into a depression._

Steve thins his lips. "You're willing to go through this hardship to be out in the jungle, with no civilization to give me a time-out?" He grinds out.

Danny holds his gaze. "Yes, I'm willing because I know you need it. You never look after yourself, Steve. You always think of all others first. If you don't look after yourself then I'll do it for you." Danny's heartbeat jumps in his chest and it makes him catch air. "You don't need to talk Steve. I just…I just want you to have a few easy days. That's all." 

Danny can't read Steve's face. It's blank but he watches Danny with a glimmer in his eyes. Danny's stomach drops like a stone.

"And you have concocted that plan all by yourself?" Steve sounds suspicious.

"I might have talked to Junior," Danny admits. He starts to feel sea-sick.

Steve nods brusquely. He pushes off the control panel and turns around. His hand is on the key but he darts Danny a last look. "Did I really forget to feed Eddie this morning?" He asks and the tiny wavering in his voice almost gets lost in the sound of the surging waves crashing against the boat.

"Yes, you did," Danny answers honestly.

The remaining miles of their way to the island are surprisingly pleasant. Steve tempers the speed and Danny absorbs the slam of the boat with his legs. He doesn't need to empty his stomach into the water and he enjoys to glide over the waves while the wind tugs at his hair.

Steve's back isn't that rigid anymore and Danny catches the small smile on his lips when the beach comes closer. The sun starts to set and the view is breathtakingly awesome.

A sea of different shades of green gushes over the enchanting landscape. The white, untouched beach is almost dazzling while the sky starts to bleed into a kaleidoscope of pink and violet. It's a Hawaiian sunset right from a picture-book. If the situation wouldn't be that serious that has brought them to this secret, private place Danny would blush over the screaming romance that this place breathes.

And it's the first time he realizes that he's going to spend at least two days and one night with Steve on this deserted island. 

He and Steve. Nobody else. Just them. Danny can't remember when he has had Steve just for himself. The flush almost burns on his face. The buzz that licks its way under his skin comes from a whole different corner of his heart.

Steve throttles back the motor and the boat glides silently into the wide bay. Kawika has explained where to find the small wooden jetty to safely moor the boat. 

Danny admires the way Steve steers the speed boat close to the wooden bridge before he jumps with the big rope in hand onto the small jetty. He watches Steve's skilled, sun-tanned hands when he ties the boat like an experienced sailor to the small, solid block of wood specially installed for this purpose.

Danny has had so many dreams about Steve's hands that he has to turn his eyes to the sea until the pressure in his chest loosens up a bit. He stands there with his arms on his hips and swears silently because he's never really thought this plan through. Danny has just wanted to get Steve on the island. And now they are here and the silence of the settling dawn hugs them like a blanket.

The sudden exhaustion washes over Danny so fast that the pressure makes him gape for air.

Steve wipes the sweat with his arms from his forehead. He scrunches up his face and lets his eyes swipe over the landscape, the beach and back to the water before he looks briefly over to where Danny stands.

"Come on, Danny, we need to move fast. The darkness settles in quickly once the sun vanishes behind the horizon. We only have about half an hour left to get our stuff from the boat to wherever it needs to be."

Danny grabs two coolers and hoists them over the edge of the boat. He waits for Steve to take them. "We don't have to unload everything right now. Nobody will come to steal something. It's just us and a lot of sand and water."

Steve puts the coolers down and gestures with his hands, telling Danny to get the luggage out of the boat. "Where's this shack you've talked about? Do we need to hike? I hope not." 

"No, no hiking. It's hidden behind the dense bushes. Kawika even drew me a little map. You can't see it from the beach. He doesn't want any stranger to stroll around his property. Kamekona made sure everything is set and ready. Even wood and matches for a bonfire at the beach."

"Bonfire at the beach?" Steve sounded a bit baffled. "You really pull out all the stops to disguise this stay as a weekend trip, don't you?"

Danny stops in mid-movement. "Hey, Steve. This here, this is for you. I know I kind of jumped you with the trip. I ordered you to come with me." Danny combs with his fingers through his hair. "We don't have to do anything but sit and drink beer and watch the stars, okay?" 

"You say this now, Danny. I know you. You want to fix me. You're determined to pull the words from my brain, the ones I don't know how to spill because there's nothing to talk about." 

Steve's façade falls for a briefest of moments and Danny catches the devastation that lurks in every corner of his face. Danny has no idea how to get through the evening without ignoring the pink elephant. He steels himself for the situation of sitting in an unfamiliar silence, staring at the fire on a godforsaken island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

"You agreed to join me. I know I pressured you, Steve but you came. Come on, let's make this stay as pleasurable as possible. I know you enjoy nature and an open sky where you see the stars." Danny keeps an eye on Steve. "At least, you have some sort of boy scout adventure and a change of the scenery."

"Yeah, whatever you say. We need to go. We don't have much time until the dusk settles in."

Steve walks in front of him as strong and as steady with a confidence that only Steve is able to emanate as if he's been born with it. He has his duffle slung over one shoulder and carries in each hand a cooler with their food and the beers.

Danny watches Steve's back, the play of strong muscles under his sun-tanned skin. The tank top doesn't cover much. He forbids himself to get lost in the sight of Steve's brawny, very hairy forearms. That's an emotional minefield.

Danny walks in the wake of Steve's scent. A mixture of a day-long worn shirt, sweat and the faint traces of seawater. Danny wants to close his eyes so he could inhale this enthralling, lustful scent, that is equally intimate and adventurous. He smells the man, the strength and the movement of the muscles. Danny almost sways on his feet, walking through clouds of an intensity that is all Steve. 

His abs twitch, almost concaving from the force to breathe normally. Danny gets the feeling to drag his nose over Steve's sun-warmed skin. A full-body shudder makes his stumble a bit. He has no idea what has come over him that all of a sudden, he wants to bump into Steve so he could press his face right into the spot between his strong shoulders. Danny would want nothing more but to get a nose full of Steve's scent right from the source.

The curve of Steve's neck with that thin sheen of sweat makes him want to lean against the nearest tree. The air gets stuck in Danny's throat. His eyes follow the prominent muscles. He wets his lips just to get this eminent wish under control to lick over his best friend's warm skin. He's such a moron for not thinking beyond his nose when he has been planning this trip. 

It's the isolation.

Danny tries to calm his thudding pulse. This mixture of these odd feelings as if they are stranded and lost. But at the same time, Danny feels wrapped in a cocoon of humid air, the noise of the looming Hawaiian night on a deserted island and the knowledge he and Steve are the only human beings on this big rock with the most romantic beach he's seen in a long time. 

"You okay, Danny? You're awfully quiet." Steve stops dead in his tracks and turns around.

Danny wears a blank expression. "I'm good. C'mon, let's find that shack so we can go to sit at the beach and drink a beer. I'm thirsty and I need to change my clothes to protect myself from getting sucked dry by murderous mosquitos."

Steve snorts and nods. "There you are. I was getting worried because I couldn't hear any complaints." 

"Shut up and walk." 

Danny's loaded with his own luggage, two pair of fins, two masks with attached snorkels. He calls the direction where they should head to while reading the way from the small map Kawika has drawn.

They trudge through white, soft sand that's still warm from the day's heat. They're both barefoot but little twigs and dry leaves poke Danny's tender soles. He yelps and hisses more than once on his way through the island's vegetation. Steve's feet aren't that sensitive. He never wavers no matter the ground. The small path leads away from the beach right into the dense scrub that hides anything from the nearby shore. No one would suspect a little hut between all the large trees and small, lush green bushes. 

Steve stops and takes the scenery in. "Who would have thought of such a cabin." He clicks his tongue. "That's really nice." He murmurs. "How did you even know about this place?"

"I asked Kamekona. He took care of everything. He hasn't promised too much. It looks exactly as he said it would." Danny feels a bit jittery. There's a lot at stake tonight.

It's a small opening, created by people to make space for the simple hut. It looks like a Huckleberry Fin scene only staged in Hawaii. More romance. Great. And Danny never forgets what has brought them here. Steve's not okay. Steve's in a lonely place and the talk lies ahead of him and this won't be a walk in the park. 

The little wooden cabin is actually a box made of four walls and a simple roof, covered with what seems to be palm leaves, adding more Robinson Crusoe feelings to the scenery. It's nothing luxury but somehow, it breathes the energy of a little, cozy fortress where they can lay their heads for a good night's sleep. Provided that the talk won't turn into a slide down a slippery slope.

The shack is propped up on four wooden blocks, lifted from the ground to get space in case the tides get too high due to heavy rain. Four stairs lead to an opening, there's no door but a mosquito net. Two paddleboards are propped up against the wall waiting to be used. Steve places his luggage on the ground and takes in the surroundings. He twists his upper body and searches Danny's eyes.

The night's darkness pours in fast and Danny can't see Steve's face clearly. "It's a nice place. Who owns it again? Kamekona?"

It's the repeated asking that confuses Danny the most. Steve's ability to register and to catalog each and every detail makes him a mastermind. But the way Steve kind of loses track of what Danny throws in on information makes Danny's hair at the back of his neck stand up. Steve gets lost in a space only known to him while Danny keeps the mood at an even level with small talk.

"No, it's Kawika's family who built that place and Kamekona made sure it's ready for us. He emphasized that everything his freshly washed, no bedbugs or other animals. Kawika has blessed my plans and he was happy to help. I'd never thought the head of the Kapu would rent me a little hut on an island in Hawaii one day."

"Yeah, you've come a long way since you've moved from Jersey." Steve tilts his head back and just keeps staring at the small wooden shack in front of him.

"Should this be a compliment?" Danny squints and waits.

"I don't know, maybe? It's true, isn't it? You hated Hawaii and your first encounter with Kawika was dangerously loaded. You were glaring at each other over the table, checking each other out like bulls." Steve throws Danny a look with a shadow of a smile around his lips. "Kawika's support is a tribute to the way how you've earned his respect. He respects you Danny, and I'm actually impressed by what you've organized."

"Yeah?" Danny feels like a spirit level. The tiniest move gets everything uneven again. He walks on unstable ground. Steve's voice and the way he chooses his words are his compass to navigate. "That's a good thing then. I'm happy to oblige."

"The last time I was here I didn't see this clearing. We dropped the anchor at a different place but a wooden jetty would have caught my attention. Anyway, I was busy fending off some perps with guns, making sure we didn't end up as fish food." Steve momentarily gets lost in memories. 

Danny stays silent. Lynn was a nice, wonderful woman but her expectations to play a significant role in Steve's life got smashed on the jagged edges of the rocky landscape that is Steve's personality.

Anyone who wants to find the way into Steve's hidden world behind his smile needs a long-winded education in how to gain his trust. And even then, private Steve's difficult to lure out just like a deep-sea creature that's adapted to life in complete darkness. You'll never find it if you don't know its habits and where to look for.

Danny also knows this small island harbors mixed feelings of Steve's childhood. It stands for a deep wish to come true. It stands for love and broken dreams and the knowledge there was a good will his father intended to act on, to spend more time with his kids.

Mary has informed Danny in one of their phone calls that her father always talked about that specific place but somehow, they never made it on a weekend trip to go fishing or snorkeling. But the good intention counted.

Danny doesn't need a degree in psychology to know that this surprise visit could backfire badly.

Steve doesn't add anything else but grabs one cooler instead and climbs the four steps to slip past the mosquito net. Danny waits for any reaction. Steve's head appears in the door-like opening.

"You're coming, or what?" 

"Sure, yeah," Danny hasn't thought about the sleeping situation. He hopes to find some bamboo mats on the floor and not a single makeshift bed where both have to sleep. Washington has been enough of an experience to learn Steve prefers to sleep alone.

Danny steps into the single room but doesn't see much with the fast setting nightfall. Steve's silhouetted against the simple cut-out window where the last light at the night sky shines through. Danny sees him reach for his phone. The lit screen turns his face into sharp cut facial features. Steve looks tired in the artificial light. He presses the button for the flashlight and illuminates the room.

"Again, with the bed?" Steve huffs. He pans the strong torch of his phone over the walls and the big mat with the two pillows on the floor. 

Danny should have known. 

"It's mats on the floor with a sheet. Don't worry, Steve. There's no couch in here, so it'll be the floor." The fins make a muffled sound when Danny lets them drop to the floor. "You prefer to sleep alone. I get it. Don't worry about that." 

"I've slept in way more sparse places during my Navy days. I'll survive one or two nights on the floor in a hut with you close by." Steve grumbles.

The obvious uneasiness in Steve's voice isn't new but it stings nonetheless.

Danny scoffs. "I won't kick you during sleep and I won't hog the sheets. You'll survive."

"Whatever you say, Danny," Steve says without looking at him. "I'll meet you at the beach." He announces and moves around Danny. "I'll take the Longboards."

Danny's gaze follows Steve. "There are blood-thirsty mosquitos everywhere. Don't you want to put on something else? Something with long sleeves? Steve! I'm not getting up during the night to search for the Aloe Vera gel I haven't thought of putting in my survival kit." Danny calls after Steve.

Steve slips past the net through the opening that is the door without a door. He doesn't slow down. "I grew up in Hawaii, remember? Not my first night on an island. I'm fine." And after a beat, he adds from further away. "You're the one with the sweet blood. You're the monster mosquito honeypot."

Danny hears Steve chuckle. He makes a face in the dark and performs an epic eye-roll Steve can't see. "Okay, I'll meet you in five." He calls after him and the smile he wears feels good. Steve has made a joke. That's a good sign.

Danny digs around in his bag to search for his sweater. His senses are trained on Steve. He follows the noise of the rustling leaves and the typical sound of the rustling of board shorts and walking legs. After Steve has walked off, heading for the beach the silence feels thick and oppressive.

Danny swears under his breath when he slips into a long-sleeve shirt. He changes his shorts and puts on comfortable linen pants. His mood is wary. He has become a human polygraph when it comes to Steve's moods. He knows what's going on behind this thick skull and the carefully placed blank expression Steve wears these days.

Danny has thought long and hard about putting this plan into action. They're here now. Danny's going to express what he thinks needs to be said. He knows Steve will fight tooth and nail not the twitch, not to give in or to admit anything. 

Danny's going to say it anyway. Of course, he's planned this trip with the intention to get a chance to talk. He has to try. He's not ready to lose Steve to his inner, self-created darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Danny walks back to the beach surrounded by darkness. The shapes of the various leaves appear as funny patterns against the light show twinkling in the sky. The firmament glitters with thousands of stars. Danny stops and bends his head back to look up at the trees where fragments of the sky shine through. It's lit with thousands of tiny, sparkling diamonds. No clouds get chased over the night sky. He can even make out the milky way. It's an eerie sensation to know he and Steve are the only two people on the island next to maybe wild boars, miniature bears, anacondas and other unknown, intimidating creatures. 

For two seconds, Danny feels a bit uneasy. And only because of the unknown night creatures hiding in the jungle.

The night is filled with noises of flying insects, muffled flapping sounds, (bats, maybe?) and a lot of different distant calls of hunting animals Danny doesn't want to know the names of.

He stomps the rest of the way to the beach, getting entangled in terrible climbing plants and he avoids just barely the collision with a tree trunk. He won't admit that a silent scream gets stuck in his throat when his toes touch something cold and prickly. He's neither a jungle kid nor a child of the tides. But Danny follows the flickering light of bright flames he spots further away. And there's also the crackling of burning wood because that's where Steve is and Danny would always and forever follow Steve where ever he might go.

Someone has to make sure to save Steve and to be there for him when he needs it the most. Although Danny knows Steve doesn't really want to be on this island, stuck with him and with no exfil route. But that's exactly where Danny needs him to be because this six-foot-tall and muscled, deeply wounded, idiot is too shy and too proud to ask for help. Because SEALs don't talk about anything. They suck it up and go on with life. But that's not how this works. Steve's the living proof that he's reached his limits. 

Danny swats with both hands at a clingy branch full of leaves when he divides the bushes nearby the beach with his body.

"Did you get lost?" Steve has a big fire going. He's arranging the logs in a neat stack for the flames. He dusts his hands and looks up. "You okay?"

"Are there any wild boars on this island?" Danny can't hide his discomfort well.

"Did you run into one?" Steve's laugh is warm and floats through the air.

"No," Danny answers steadfastly. "I'm just curious so I can prepare myself, knowing what's attacking me when it comes bursting out from under the trees." He adds snappishly. "What the hell do I know? It's a deserted island maybe there even cows somewhere or tons of rats," He tries to shoot Steve a heated look, "gnawing my face off while I'm asleep." He plucks a dry leave from his hair.

"Danny," Steve exhales slowly, "there are only birds, bats and lots of spiders and insects. And none of them will do you harm. Relax." Steve crouches down to check up on the fire before he looks up to meet Danny's eyes. "You'll be fine, Danny. No need to worry."

"I'm okay. I just… fought my way through this wild Hawaiian jungle, getting trapped in spider webs and hearing funny noises. I'll take precautions, I'll stay close to the fire. Thank you."

Steve hands him a beer. "I forgot to bring a towel or a sheet with me, sorry. We have to sit on the sand."

"I don't mind." Danny accepts the bottle and frowns at what Steve's just said. 

No words interrupt the specific melody of burning wood. They keep standing and facing the ocean. Steve still wears the same clothes he has been wearing already yesterday. Danny keeps track of that kind of stuff these days.

The silence stretches and the gap between spoken words and the sound of nature cracks wide open.

"Unless you don't start talking, I won't say a word, Danny." Steve drinks already his second beer.

Danny keeps staring over the dark water. He sips at his Longboard and shoves unspoken words around with his tongue and clenches his teeth. He's rehearsed the opening speech, how to begin, so many times but still, he can't remember a damn thing of how to start this difficult talk. Words are like slimy, slippery fish bodies, wiggling away and out of his fingers only to vaporize into thin air.

Danny's casual linen pants don't have pockets and he can't decide what to do with his hands. He exhales controlled and turns around. "Yeah, I know. And I also know that you rather be buried up to your neck, stuck in a hole at the beach with a sharp grenade jammed between your teeth than to talk about what's eating you up." Danny says gently.

Steve stays silent. He's a few feet away, keeping a calculated distance to Danny. But Danny knows that he listens, closely and all tensed up.

"I remember when you told me that you've been raised with the belief emotions are a weakness. I get it, Steve but I need to get my worries off my chest. And even if the Navy has taught you to suck it up whatever is bothering you so you'll get the job done, this won't work with what I have to tell you." Danny waits but Steve mimics a stoic calmness. "You've reached a state of an emotional self-harming behavior Steve, and I can't let you do this to you anymore. You can't go on like this." Danny explains with a gentle, understanding voice.

Steve's silhouette doesn't twitch. Danny knows he listens despite the horror he must endure baring his innermost fears to Danny but mostly to himself. Once everything's said there's no ignoring and pretending anymore. Danny isn't even sure if Steve's breathing. He's stock-still. It hurts to see him so defenseless.

Danny is thankful for the darkness. He has been aiming to arrive quite late. Steve's not the only one who needs the cloak of the darkness to hide. It's easier to find the words when it's possible to blend into the shadow of the night.

"When was the last time you've slept, Steve?" Danny has to start somewhere. He knows Steve doesn't sleep. He sees the proof in each move, in the way his fingers are unsteady when he grabs things.

"Really, Danny? You wanna start there? I pass." Steve answers with a tone in his voice Danny can't really put a finger to it. He can't guess in what state of mind Steve's in.

"I know you have nightmares. I got my first-hand experience while I slept on the couch in your hotel room. I'm so sorry it still hasn't gotten better." Danny's fingers curl around the neck of the bottle he holds in his hands.

Steve's answer is a long gulp from his beer and nothing else. He sucks down a choked sound. Danny listens how Steve tries to wash it down with beer just the same way he's tried with everything else for the last two weeks.

Steve didn't let Danny be close that night in Washington. Danny needed to make sure Steve didn't plan to disappear. Danny can still trace this acrid horror nested in his chest when the low, dry screams yanked him awake. He almost fell off the couch in his attempt to hurry over to Steve who was trashing with arms and legs. He was calling and sobbing at the same time with one single word stuck in his throat: _mom, mom…mom_.

Danny hates to know Steve jerks awake at night, disorientated, drenched in sweat with no single soul around to anchor him. Danny holds his breath and sets his jaw, forcing his chest to unclamp. 

Danny would want to be there, when the night terrors creep up on Steve, unprepared, haunting him, scaring him. And Steve has chosen to fight them alone, never letting anyone know how bad it really is. Not even Danny and that makes him want to shoot something, _someone_ but this person is already dead. Danny can't even tell Doris how much she fucked up with her only son. And at the same time, he'd want to punch Steve for shoving him away, creating this distance Danny doesn't know how to cross.

Minutes are passing by in complete silence. The wind caresses Danny's linen pants. The fabric touches his skin softly while the sand seems cool between his toes. The darkness isn't dense and pitch-black as Danny has thought it would be. The starlight reflects on the water surface. It's as wonderful as an artist's painting and a seldom beauty to look at. 

Danny makes up his mind and walks slowly closer to where Steve stands. Steve dips his head and seems to be lost in thoughts. But Danny reads the small gesture right. He has still to keep a distance. He walks over to the fire and crouches down to place his ass slowly in the sand. He curls his arms around his pulled-up knees. He sets the beer in the sand.

There's never a good time to talk to Steve about emotions. Not when the topic wound itself around feelings and unshared experiences that alter everyone's souls. Even the toughest SEAL can't be trained for such destructive battles. Those memories corrode the heart of every man.

Danny has waited for Steve's voice to bounce back to the well-known pattern of sounds and rumbles but it hasn't happened either. This circumstance has also tipped the scale and has been the last straw to give Danny the courage to plan this trip. Steve's voice has changed to a sound level Danny has never witnessed to this day. Doris has had always a big influence on Steve's life but the last impact she has made has caused mass destruction.

Steve's vocal cords have been bleached while trying to free his mother from the most feared drug cartel boss. But the loss of his mom has eaten holes into his voice, causing it to lose steam and strength. Most of all the horrendous grief undermines Steve's whole soul and the purpose to be alive.

Danny eyes Steve's back and takes the leap in his mind.

"I can't get you to listen to me but I have to give it a try, Steve. I see you. I sense your deep hurt and I witness the way you slip away, out of my reach. Out of anybody's reach. I have some things to say and I beg you to listen." Danny doesn't have a clue if he gets the tone right, comforting, gentle but firm at the same time. He needs to get this right.

Steve avoids looking at Danny. He has his back turned to him and still gazes over the dark water. Danny wishes Steve would look at him, give him a sign that he's still in there somewhere.

The fire is crackling and the flames project a dancing light over the nearby trees and bushes. Steve stays silent but the strong line of his shoulders is strained, his arm muscles tensed up. 

"I made you come with me because there's no place on all Oahu where you would have listened to me. That's why we're here. I've tried many times to get through to you. God, Steve, I hate to see you suffering. I know…" Danny stills, he's hot and his face burns. That's no fucking walk in the park. He clears his throat, "you're important, Steve. I don't… I don't want to pressure you or anything. I don't want to force you to talk. I…look, I just want to be a friend and I want to be there for you. I know, and…and it's okay if you don't want my help. But I have to try, okay?" Danny pants and can't breathe fast enough to calm down. Shit, he's talking to a wall. Steve hasn't even twitched. Sass and wits won't help him and he can't rant at Steve either. This is a danger zone where the slightest wrong step could cause an explosion of terrible destruction. 

That's why Danny's voice is soft and warm when he speaks again. "And I also know that you crazy SEAL guys never would ask for help no matter how life chokes you. But here we are."

Steve's shoulders slump a tiny bit and he turns to walk toward where Danny sits. It's still a wide gap in between but at least he stands in an arm's reach. Danny's eyes roam over Steve's body and he almost sees the air vibrate around him. 

"Danny, look…" Steve's voice is hoarse and weak.

"No, listen to me," Danny interrupts him so gently that Steve stiffens as if he prepares himself for a big blow, "Mary has called me a few times. This is serious. You don't take her calls. You can't do that. She doesn't really know what went down. She has no idea what happened in Mexico, Steve. Does she even know anything about your mother after she has left Hawaii for good the second time?"

Steve has fused with the beach, being motionless like a stone, staring down at the ground. Danny scrabbles to his feet and stands up. He takes a step toward where Steve stands.

"Mary is your little sister, Steve. She loves you. She needs you and she's worried about you. Why don't you take her calls?"

Steve lifts his head and tolerates Danny by his side. He doesn't give away anything. Danny senses the way Steve retreats, even more, collecting every ounce of strength that's left to get through this one-to-one conversation he doesn't really want to conduct. 

Danny's heart jerks sideways when Steve speaks again.

"I don't know what to say to her. I can't face her." Words don't come easy and Danny closes his eyes to listen carefully. "If I had waited longer, made another decision…my mother might still be alive." The guilt is like a poison destroying bridges on the way out of this mess. "I took it from her, Danny. How can I face her? How can I face Joanie knowing that I'm the reason our mother, my niece's grandmother is dead?"

Danny has given himself a promise. He won't yell. "You're not the creator of faith, Steve. How can you even think that you're the reason that your mother is dead?" Danny speaks slowly, choosing his words wisely. "You did the best you could. You did everything possible, Steve, as did your men, Junior, Ethan, and Mike. All of you are lucky bastards that you got out alive. You did _everything humanly possible_."

Danny forces himself to drink from his beer, to get his heartbeat under control, to shake off the deep aversion he harbors for Doris McGarrett. Mothers create awful, terrible crimes at their children. Danny hates her for that. But he's here for Steve and only for him.

"Your mother was a great agent, Steve. She was damn skilled, great at her job, just like you, she was outstanding even though I don't like her for treating you the way she did. You know this but she was an excellent agent and she knew the risks, Steve. She knew that she had to get herself out of that hole she has dug for herself. She didn't want to be saved. She was CIA, a textbook example. She refused your help, Steve, you said so yourself."

"I should have known better," Steve answers stubbornly. "She was my mother, Danny."

"You have to stop to carry the world's guilt on your shoulders. You have to stop, Steve. You can't change anything and it's not your fault, do you get that? Sometimes Life doesn't allow humans to change its course even if it's terribly hurtful. Things happen especially in your line of work as soldiers and SEALs."

"I'm trained to protect. I failed." Steve's voice carries a hollow tone and it cuts into Danny's heart.

It's not easy to stay calm. "You pulled off a stunt not many could have successfully orchestrated. You were four, Jesus, Steve, four men against a freaking army of animals and you got out alive and killed the most wanted female drug dealer on the planet. Have you ever thought about the fact that you put yourself on the line every time you go on a mission? I've seen you do crazy, insane stuff but have you ever thought about all the people you leave behind? You could have died on this mission, Steve. Junior could have died, Ethan, Mike. You were lucky bastards." Danny knows the last words come out more bitter than he has intended to but he can't stop himself. "You all could have fucking died."

Steve's head shoots up so fast Danny almost trips over a bump in the sand. 

"We are trained SEALs and no lucky bastards." He heatedly replies. "We knew the risks; we went in prepared." Steve's hands have joined the discussion and this is never a good sign.

Danny wants to hit his head against the nearest tree. There's a point where only SEALs understand a SEAL and how their brain works. "You have been reckless, Steve, brave and brilliant, but reckless nonetheless and you know it. All of you knew the risk to get killed in action but you did it anyway." Danny stops for a second and wills back the waves of emotional pain he still feels thinking of losing Steve and all the others to this insane, secret op.

It won't help Steve if he knew how dark Danny's nights were during the longest two months of his life. Once a day he lost control over his panic. Danny blinks rapidly and watches his toes wiggling in the sand. Love is a strange force letting you endure and fight and somehow the hope never leaves.

Danny has to concentrate on the important part of the discussion. He has to make Steve understand. And Danny knows that the walls Steve has still up are too high to climb when it comes to love. He wouldn't have the slightest clue how to confess his deep love. He wouldn't find the right words and rejection in this section is a whole different ball game. Danny is vulnerable and he wouldn't really get over it when Steve would turn around to walk away after he'd knew how damn much Danny falls for him.

"Nothing would have kept you from going after your mother. I get it. I watched you leave many times with the knowledge that you might not return. You are always ready to die Steve. And Mary and Joanie would have to deal with your death, too."

"But I'm not dead, Danny!" Steve shouts, impatiently.

Danny feels how the anger starts to crawl forward, unwanted but there. "I know that but you go to war whenever you agree on such a suicide mission. You are ready to die as are the other guys too." Danny seals his lips for a second. He has rehearsed that part of his speech many times, and he has no idea if he ignited a bomb, "what I try to say Steve…I, shit, you are as determined and as unreasonable just as your mother or your father or Joe White." Danny's voice is strained. It sounded so logical and easy in his head but with Steve next to him his speech derails too quickly.

"What did you just say?" Steve turns around and stares at Danny. His eyes are dark and his face painfully calm.

Danny inhales, not backing down. "You SEAL guys are human torpedoes, deadly and with an unwavering aiming, once set loose you are unstoppable but you are humans nonetheless therefor you could die just like any other human. A stray bullet and you could get killed, damn it, Steve. Do I really have to spell it for you? Joe White knew this when he went with you to Montana. He knew this could be his last mission. All of you always know what's going to happen and what the worst-case scenario looks like. And don't get me wrong, Steve but I can't get rid of the feeling that the only way you feel alive is when you're at war."

Danny meets Steve's eyes and he only sees steel and coldness and deep hurt.

"What's your point in all this Danny? Why do you feel the need to rub it in? That's our life, that's who we are." Steve says stiffly. "And what was your point about my mother, my father, and Joe?"

The wind is almost loud over the sudden silence. It dawns on Danny that he might have done everything the wrong way. And then Steve goes for the kill.

"Of all people, Danny, I've really thought you're the one that understands best why I've done it. Why I needed to do what I did. Why do you question my actions like this, huh?"

Danny recognizes a dead end when he meets one. But for the sake of their long friendship and their mutual trust, Danny has to say what he has stashed in his mind over the last two months.

"You come from a family with a dedication to serving a greater good. Your grandfather, your father, your mother and you. All of you put the greater cause in front of your beloved ones. Your dedication is a blessing and a curse. You inherited this streak too, Steve."

Steve downright glares at him with so much hurt as if Danny tore the one last good thing out of him. But he can't stop now. He has to make Steve understand.

"What do you think would I had to tell Mary if this mission had gone sideways, not as planned, huh? If you and your mother have been killed? Both of you? Or maybe only you, together with Junior, Ethan and Mike, captured and tortured to death. And your mother would have been AWOL," Danny has lost control over his arms, chopping the air fiercely. "I'm very sorry to say this so bluntly, Steve but you tend to forget that you have a sister, a niece. Both want to be with you, both are worried. Mary has lost her mother, too. You are the only family she has got left, Steve. _She is the only family you 've got left_. And you ignore her. You behave like your mother, you turn invisible, unreachable, you hide, you vanish, you don't deal with the situation. You have left Mary and Joanie to deal with their pain and you are not there to grief with them and I don't get it."

Danny is exhausted. He almost shouts at the end, with no chance to keep the lid on this boiling pot of emotions he can't control anymore. He takes a high risk to say all these hard facts to Steve. He puts their friendship at risk.

The silence is like a roaring hurricane between them. Danny might have gone too far. But he's tired. He needs Steve to see that there are people who need him.

"How dare you, Danny," Steve says through clenched teeth.

Danny crumbles. All his courage gets lost in a split second. "Mary called me because you ignore her calls. I know that you think you are the cause of all the pain and hurt your family has lived through. I know that you blame yourself for your father's death. I know that you feel responsible for your mother's death. Everyone who ever died while you were responsible for them cuts into your heart. I know how that feels, Steve. I get it. But you can't forget the once who are left, who are waiting for your attention. Mary needs you and you need her."

Danny wished to get another beer but he doesn't dare to move an inch. The air is crackling with the hard words Danny has thrown at Steve.

"If you weren't my best friend I would have left before this discussion has even started. I have my way to deal with my grief. Why can't you leave it be? I will call Mary. You seem to know all the answers to every problem, Danny." Steve throws the empty bottle back into the cooler where it hits the other bottles with a loud clatter. "If you were that wise why are you even divorced, huh? Why haven't you prevented Grace from all the pain? Enlighten me. Why can't you get any relationship to work, to last, Danny, huh?"

Steve opens a new beer without offering Danny one. He drinks greedily and empties half the bottle.

Danny swallows and keeps his mouth shut. Steve has every right to lash out. He'll take the verbal punches. He won't shout and he won't try to explain. He waits and gnaws at the inside of his cheek. He hugs his upper body to keep his muscles from trembling. 

Steve knocks down the whole bottle and carelessly throws it back into the cooler. He doesn't turn around and he doesn't face Danny. "You come here, drag me to this place where you think the memories do something good but in the end, it's just a place where you think I can't walk away in the middle of our discussion. You of all people, Danny, you want me to talk to you when you keep always stuff from me? Planning your retirement without me and things like that. Not working."

"You're right Steve. I fucked up, too. If I could I would go back and undo all the hurt we caused our little girl. And yes, you're right. I'm not good at talking and sharing myself."

Steve goes quiet. Danny assumes he has been prepared for a fight and not for a confession. But Steve has more to say. "We grew up so differently. I told you once how I was raised, Danny. That's how it is. Get used to it. I'm not the sharing type, never will be. I have the right to miss my parents. My father, my mother… both murdered." Steve's voice breaks. He pauses. "I need some air. I go for a walk. Do you have more to say? I don't want to hear later on that I ran away. I don't need this guilt on top of the pile of shit that's become my life."

Danny shakes his head but doesn't look at Steve. He has blown it. It hasn't gone the way he has planned. He has hurt Steve. "I never wanted to give you the feeling I don't respect your grief. I do, Steve. You're Mary's big brother. She needs you and Joanie needs her uncle. Don't wait too long." 

Steve starts moving in the other direction to where there's more jungle and no light at all. "I'm a SEAL Danny. I'll never change."

Danny only sees Steve retreat out of the corner of his eye. "I've understood that fact a long time ago. But even as a SEAL you are a brother and an uncle and you have a family. Your mother didn't let you know how much she loved you all her life. Don't make the same mistake with the family you have left. That's all I try to say."

Steve doesn't answer and Danny doesn't check if he's still there. He has never had such an argument with Steve. It makes him helpless to know he hasn't fixed anything but drove the spear of hurt deeper into Steve's heart.

It oddly feels as if they have just broken up. The terrible hurt is the same.

The wind carries a chilled breeze from the open sea. Danny is soaked in sweat and his stomach feels strangled. The sickening feeling doesn't get washed away with beer. The picture-like view of the Hawaiian wild nature by night doesn't ease his scrunched-up soul.

Danny can't help but listen to Steve's steps until the rustling of leaves and the rushing waves are the only sound, he hears.

The fire has gone out and the embers get lit with every little gush of the wind. Danny makes sure to cover the remains of the fire with sand before he drops his empty bottle in the cooler. 

The walk back to the little shack feels lonely. He has no idea where Steve is. Danny's body seems to struggle with every year of the demanding life since he has joined Five-0. He's not happy with how he's dealt with the talk. What right does he have to say things like this to Steve?

He tries to be content because Steve might call Mary. Love can force people to do stupid shit. He has been convinced this plan is a great opportunity. But he has only proved what a self-righteous jackass he could be. He denies himself to cry. 

Danny's eyes ache from withheld tears when he climbs up the four steps of the stairs. The torch on his phone bathes the small place in a creepy atmosphere. He sees the bed and swears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Danny switches off the torch and falls heavily against the solid wood wall. He stands in the dark shack, staring at the cozy-looking mats prepared for two and silently falters under the invisible punch life keeps throwing at him. His bones feel brittle and ache from the inside. They might crack at any moment. He's still afraid to completely letting go of the week-long stiffness he has fallen into when no one has known if Steve's still alive or burnt to death in that car accident close to the Columbian border.

Danny puked from sheer anxiety that night after they got the news that Steve's contact and their car were compromised. He was shivering with fear of what they might find out. Weeks, it lasted weeks. Danny was a walking nightmare of squashed nerve endings for weeks, jittery and impatient, angry and always close to a fear-induced hysterics he kept tied to a short leash. He never let his guards down when he was with the team. He behaved composed and serious. But he went quiet just like everybody else.

The gut-wrenching worry about Steve ate the light mood out of their hearts and the bounce out of their steps. Everybody feared for the worst and no one ever talked about the fact that Steve might be dead. They kept him alive and the whole team believed reverently in Steve's ultra-brilliantly, excellently trained SEAL instincts. But the worry was there, undermining their hopes.

So many days have already passed since Danny has flown to Washington to take Steve home.

But neither Steve nor Danny are out of this dark, consuming misery caused by terrible tenseness. Both have seen way too much death and slaughter. Danny would have wanted to wreck his whole house with a sledgehammer when he's got the news about how Steve has lost his mother. 

It's not right that life doesn't spare him. Steve shouldn't have to suffer that much. No man can take that kind of shitload of hurt without cracking under this onslaught of pain and loss. Danny's worry over Steve has never really eased down.

Danny's back is pressed flat against the wall, totally lost in his thoughts while he keeps staring at the makeshift bed that's meant for two. He sucks in his lower lip and gnaws on it. His brain is not yet ready to grant him some peace. More thoughts keep surging up from within his mind. Danny doesn't try to stop them. His senses are in two different places at the same time. His focus is also out in the jungle, listening with a frantic heartbeat if Steve's coming back. 

Normalcy has returned at the HQ and at home but only on the surface. The emotional depth underneath that layer of the daily routine is a dangerous maze of drifts. Steve hasn't found his way out from there yet and Danny can't leave without Steve. Either he surfaces with Steve or he drowns emotionally, trying to save what's left of Steve's heart and his ability to share a bond with another human being.

And that's the other reason Danny needs Steve on this island. He needs to know if he's got any chance at all. 

Danny can't figure out if Steve's still willing to get involved in a serious relationship. Even if they kind of are together for about ten years already – like best friends. Best friends ain't enough any longer. Danny wants more. Much more.

After all those years, he's convinced to know Steve. Danny fluently and flawlessly talks 'Steve'. He's as fast and sensitive as the fingertips of a blind person flying over braille. But the harsh truth is that Steve allows no one to be near him when he's hurt and a blazing fire of guilt.

Danny has been so sure he could get through to him.

That damn talk they've just had at the beach? He's sure he has just blown his chance.

The air in the hut is sticky and hot. It smells of rotten leaves, ocean and of neoprene. Danny can't decide what to do.

He doesn't fight the slight panic that threatens to rise from the pit of his stomach. His thoughts are rolling uncontrolled around in his brain. Every sense gets drawn out into the jungle where Steve roams the thicket, trying to outrun grief and Danny's words that have been tearing into Steve's unhealed wounds. 

Danny hates himself for losing control, for having a mild panic attack, for being so lovesick his heart might combust any moment. He's wanted to get Steve away from his house, away from the repeating routine that forces Steve to remember, to fall back into emotional pain with no way to escape. Yet, here they are, separated, angry and deeply disturbed by a discussion that has been going wrong from the beginning.

Danny suddenly misses Chin and he almost laughs in the mild darkness of the shack. Chin. Good heavens. His mind kind of reels and yeah, Chin makes an appearance behind his closed eyes. Danny even hears his voice like a distant memory from the good old days. He would have needed Chin's zen-minded way or advice how to proceed right this moment. Chin had his own, calm way to get through to Steve. 

Danny could have kissed Junior for finding Steve after pulling one all-nighter after the other. His patience is medal-worthy. Danny's and Steve's _ohana_ is incomparable and outstanding.

But right now, standing in the dark hut, owned by Kawika, prepared by Kamekona Danny stems against a wave of nostalgia. Just for a second, Danny would have wanted a piece from the good ol' days back – just for a moment to draw strength from it and to make sure the tides could turn and Steve might come back to the shack.

Back to Danny. Just as he always does.

Danny slips down the wall to land hard on his ass. He's overly tired but simultaneously he worries where Steve might be and if he's okay. Sleep would be hard to find.

The single room of the shack is quite spacious. The mats on the floor take only half of the space. Their stuff lies in a corner dropped in a heap of fins, towels and kicked-off slippahs. There's no light, and Danny finds his way with the light of the torch on his cell.

He's hesitant about where to sleep. Time passes unnoticed when Danny stands in front of the only sleeping place available. It would be too awkward to lie next to each other after this talk. Danny can't go there. Not with this wide chasm of misunderstanding between him and Steve.

Danny doesn't care if his back is going to hate him in the morning. He doesn't care if the floor is sandy and dusty and god knows what kind of bugs have been stomped to death on the wooden slats.

He punches Steve's duffle bag into submission to lay his head somewhere soft. A towel is the only thing that protects him from getting too dirty. The floor his hard. Danny feels every edgy knob of his joints and bones when he turns to face the window.

Danny curls into himself, hugging his upper body with his arms. Hawaiian nights can be chilly. Danny gazes up to the dark square cutout in the wall that is the window. At least, the hut doesn't feel like a confined space. He has no wish to sleep on the beach. He strains his ears and listens a long moment but there's nothing but the wind and the sound of the waves.

No steps. No voice. No Steve.

Danny knows Steve is safe out there. He presses his face into the rough fabric of Steve's bag. He wants to apologize, to look right into Steve's eyes, hoping to see what Steve can't talk about. Steve seems so lost and desperate, waiting for a super shift to turn his world back the way it has been before the most twisted shit has gone down. 

Danny forces his eyes to stay closed. Behind his lids, the picture of a small boy drowned in tears appears unwanted. He almost starts weeping for Steve's inner child who has waited for years for his mom to come back home. 

For some children, it's an impossibility to accept that they aren't the most precious gift in their parent's life. No matter how old Steve is, his soul doesn't count his Navy career as serious, all his soul wants is his mother back so his little boy could stop crying.

Danny hasn't had the courage to tell Steve that. Instead, he's accused him of changing into his mother, abandoning Mary and Joanie. 

_Well done, Williams, you super stupid idiot._

Danny must have fallen asleep regardless of the high alert on his inner Steve-radar. His body tries to wind down but his mind still produces odd pictures and funny feelings even in his sleep. A sudden noise yanks Danny from his slumber and his head shoots up. The sudden boom of his heart makes him gasp.

His vision is blurry, the view murky what with the grit in his eyes and the dim light in the room. But there's a dancing, too bright light at the opposite wall, swiping across the mats on the floor, there where Danny isn't curled up and sleeping. The flash hurts Danny's eyes and he shuts them fast and scrunches up his face. He even shields his face with his forearm.

Danny hears mumbling and his name gets repeatedly voiced. The silence is so sudden as has been the rude noise.

"Shit!"

Danny recognizes Steve's voice but he's still slow in processing what the hell is going on. He wants to sit up but Steve's already bolting out the cutout door, his bare feet a muffled pat on the wooden steps. The whole scene has only lasted a few seconds.

"Danny, where are you?" Steve shouts into the night, the sound tense and worried. He must be still standing beside the hut, Danny assumes. "DANNY! Answer me!"

The sound of breaking twigs and a body plowing through dense scrub hits Danny's eardrum like a slap. "Danny, come on, that's not funny. Tell me where you are! Are you hurt? DANNY!"

Steve's voice starts to fade away.

He's about to toss every rock on the island to find him. Danny can tell only by the unfamiliar shocked sound of Steve's voice and the strangled note in his words.

Steve's voice triggers an alarm in Danny's mind and his reflexes set in. He scrabbles as quick as a flash to the wall and bangs his fist against the wood, repeatedly and as hard as possible until his vocal cords follow the order of his brain. "Steve! Steve! I'm here! Hey, Steve! _In here_! STEVE!" Danny screams. He has no time to be embarrassed by his croaking voice.

Danny keeps hammering and calling after Steve. If he jumped to his feet to run outside and after Steve, he might just crash headfirst into the wall he's shaking so hard from the adrenaline rush.

"Steve! I'm in the hut, for Christ's sake! _Come back_!" Danny pants and stops to torture his hand. The skin burns and his fingers ache from the impact. 

Danny has to hold his breath and listens into the night. He can't make out a clear sound. His blood still kind of roars in his ears when Steve bursts back into the room and with him the nervous flickering of light. But this time it blinds Danny's vision with the sickening brightness.

"Danny, God, what…" Steve gasps and stops dead in his tracks. He still aims the torchlight to where Danny's kneeling on the floor, blinding him with this stupid, bright light.

"Jesus, Steve. Take that damn light out of my face. I can't see shit." Danny holds up a protecting hand to cover the searchlight Steve's holding like a gun. 

"Sorry," Steve murmurs. He switches off the torch on his cell and the sudden darkness is difficult. "Danno…what the hell are you doing there sleeping on the floor? I didn't see you, didn't look in that direction. I thought…the bed is unused and I thought…" Steve's voice carries defeat and weariness.

"Shhh, I'm here. It's fine, Steve. Sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you. God, you just ripped ten years off of my life." Danny is still short of breath and the bright imprints on his retina from the flashlight are not helping at all to get a clear view of Steve.

Steve doesn't move.

Danny kneels and braces his hands against his thighs, chest heaving. "I haven't gone anywhere, Steve. I came back…and uh, and I must have fallen asleep. I wanted to stay awake to hear you coming. God, I didn't hear you coming back." Danny tries to defuse the tense mood. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't see you," Steve says again in a funny voice. 

Danny can make out a tall shadow, hovering by the side of the door. And he sees the way Steve rubs both his hands over his face.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to scare you. I'm sorry." Danny straightens up and looks over to Steve.

"Why are you sleeping on the floor? There's a bed in here, mats with pillows, _to sleep on it_. What the hell, Danno?" 

Danny feels how Steve's mood slips into anger.

"Sit, babe, come, sit with me. Why would you think I'd run into the night, to hide somewhere, huh?" Danny gestures Steve closer and scoots over. He pats the towel to make Steve sit down. "I'm not a big friend of sand. I definitely wouldn't want to sleep at the beach."

Steve waits, standing next to Danny's place. His eyes shoot forth and back, to the bed and to the poor sleeping place where Danny tries to get comfortable, sitting upright and folding his legs to make space for Steve.

Danny cocks his head. "You expressed that you prefer to sleep alone. You didn't want me close in Washington. I get it, it's okay, Steve. You said 'again with the bed' when we arrived. And after our talk…things were really off. You went off to roam the jungle and I just returned here. I chose the floor for a short nap due to the lack of a couch as you can see. I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to wait for you."

Steve crouches down and awkwardly sits on the towel occupying only a small edge. "You rather sleep on the floor than in the bed because of me? To give me space?" Steve asks calmly. 

"If that's what you need? Yeah…I've planned this trip to make you feel better, not worse. And yes, I'd rather choose the floor. The bed's all yours. I know how little sleep you get these days. Don't try to pretend. I know you far too well by now. You look exhausted and I know you try to fight big monsters at night." Danny pulls his knees up to his chest and hugs them loosely with his arms. His bad knee can't take a crossed-legged position for too long.

The sudden presence of Steve up close, in the darkness of a wooden hut asks for some attention. Danny observes Steve's face, outlined as a dark, sharp frame. The white of his eyeballs is almost shining when they catch a small glimmer.

"I thought you left." Steve murmurs under his breath. 

"I wouldn't do that to you. That's your move." Danny adds and keeps watching Steve.

Steve quietly stretches his long limbs to lay down beside Danny.

"Why would I leave, Steve? Where to? With what? The motorboat? At night? Without you?" Danny sighs. "No, just no, I'm not leaving, not without talking to you. I would let you know where I'm going."

"I don't know, Danny. I couldn't see you and…" Steve draws in air and holds it only to exhale what seems for minutes. "You're still sore about the letter I wrote before I took off to Japan. Right? But, Danny…that's years ago." Steve sounds astonished and a bit amused.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm here and I wouldn't just leave no matter how hard we're arguing. And Steve, I'm sorry. I…I said some unfair things to you…at the beach," Danny waits. The words aren't piling up. He has to pluck them with precision from his brain. He doesn't want to mess with this new chance.

Steve has gone still. He radiates heat and Danny sees the thin layer of sweat covering Steve's skin. He must have run back.

Danny can't stop his hand from reaching out. The flat of his palm spreads wide and warm over Steve's abs, right under the curve of his rib cage. He can tell Steve tries to control the tiny flutter of his muscles. His skin under the shirt is almost hot to Danny's touch. Steve shakes as if he comes down from an adrenaline rush.

Danny gets it how much it has scared Steve to think he's taken off, leaving Steve behind without a word. He's kind of disappointed Steve could assume such bullshit.

That's why Danny has to whisper it again. "I would never just leave you without a word, Steve. Never."

Steve breathes. Danny feels the rise and fall of Steve's stomach under his hand. It's like a soft caress, calming both men.

"I'm here for you, Steve. I know you don't ask for help and I know how much you hate to talk. I'm worried. That's why we're here. I love you and I can see that you're not okay. Losing your mother and the way you had to let her go…this messes with everyone, Steve. I just…I wished there would be more I could do for you. You're a good man, a good brother and you have a lot of love to give, Steve. Just don't…don't forget that." 

Steve stares at the ceiling. The rise and fall of his chest don't ease down. Danny sees how Steve closes his eyes. They're motionless for a few seconds.

Steve lifts his arm and his hand searches tentatively for Danny's. His fingertips graze aimlessly over Danny's knuckles. Steve traces with his fingers along Danny's skin. He wanders almost questioningly over the back of Danny's hand. A gentle, searching touch. The heat of Steve's palm closes around Danny's wrist where his hand still lies solid pressed against Steve's stomach. 

The intimacy is sudden, the outer world stops to exist.

"I'm sorry, too Danny. I had no right to accuse you of the things I said to you." 

"It's okay, Steve. I get it. And you were right. Don't worry a bit, okay? We're good." Danny whispers softly.

They just breathe for a stretch of minutes.

"Am I cursed, Danny?" Steve keeps his eyes closed but the grip around Danny's wrist tightens.

Danny digs his fingertips into the muscles of Steve's abs. A hot shiver trickles down his spine. Oh God. "Steve, no. Hell no, Steve. Of course not! Why would you ask such stuff?" It's a bit of a shock to hear such a question from Steve.

"It feels that way." Steve's raspy whisper hides every emotion that's attached to that explanation. "My relationships are complicated and they never last. My parents…I don't know. Nothing seems to be normal and easy." Steve whispers. "Am I really the same as my parents?"

The question hangs in the air. Danny can't just answer this with a simple 'no'. That wouldn't do it, wouldn't have the impact. Steve needs to believe that he's worthy of love, true, solid, unconditional love.

"Love's messy," Danny scoots a bit closer. His ass goes numb. God, that's uncomfortable but he keeps his focus on Steve. His eyes are fixed on the side of Steve's face. He sees how Steve works his jaw, trying to keep it together.

The night isn't too dark and Danny can make out the scruff on Steve's cheeks. Through his palm, Danny senses the rhythmic, tough beat of Steve's strong heart. Steve hugs Danny's wrist with his hand, a solid warm weight.

"Explain it to me. Danny, I…I can't. Everything gets taken from me. I can't, I don't know how anymore." Steve's voice drifts off. "I'm scared I mess things up with Mary. I don't know what to tell her. I'm scared if I even twitch more of my beloved people and more relationships get smashed to pieces. I don't know how to navigate. It's…it's as if I've lost my inner orientation. To sit still, to watch the ocean is the only way to keep calm. Danny...explain it to me. I need to understand what's going on." Steve begs with desperation.

Danny watches with a heavy heart how gravity pulls a single tear from the corner of Steve's eye to trickle into his hair. Steve doesn't make a sound. He keeps his eyes sealed shut. Only the forceful grip around his wrist tells Danny that Steve's about to break down.

Danny slowly lies down, his hand never gliding away. Steve holds on to his wrist until Danny's head rests on the duffle bag. He gazes up and looks at Steve's beautiful face and his effort to keep a normal expression. The wet trail of the tear shines silvery on his skin.

"Parents are the most important people in every child's life," Danny whispers. He can't force his voice to speak normally, not with this delicate topic that contains the ugliest of pains that threatens to tear a SEAL's soul to pieces to never be mended again. "You're not cursed, babe. Don't ever believe this shit. You're great the way you are. We grow up with the knowledge that our parents teach us. You've learned that leaving you and Mary behind is normal no matter how much you begged. That's terrible and it's not normal. Love doesn't work that way, babe. You have been left behind with the belief you're not enough. You haven't experienced the unconditional love of your parents. And this… seriously," Danny's voice breaks and he needs a moment.

Steve lies very still beside him with his muscles as tense as if he prepares to jump out of an airplane. Steve never lets go of Danny's wrist.

"I can't stand your mother and your father for doing this to you and Mary. It has nothing to do with being cursed, Steve. This has to do with parents who don't care enough for their children. Your mom and dad did what they thought was best for you. They made big sacrifices even though it wasn't the best for you and Mary." Danny bites his tongue for saying more. "I'm so sorry, Steve. So sorry, for your loss, for the love you've never had although it's a child's birthright to get nothing but spoiled with unconditional love. And it kills me that you think you're cursed. You're not, babe. You're not, do you hear me?"

Danny's eyes well up but he's brave and swallows everything down. He even manages a small smile although Steve can't see it. "It's dumb luck. Karma's bitch and it has messed with you and Mary. Don't look back. Don't wait for something to return that has never been there. Your mother has loved you, in her own, difficult way. But she loved you. Your dad, too. I'm sure your dad was very proud of you even though, he never really told you. You will miss them forever, babe. They were your parents, always will be in your heart. You love them and they loved you."

The following silence isn't so difficult to stand anymore.

"Tell me what to do, Danny…Mary, Joanie…I don't know what to do." Steve hides his face and covers his eyes with his forearm. He holds on to Danny. Steve fights against the upcoming tears Danny can tell.

Steve's palm is sweaty and hot. Danny starts to rub soothing, tiny circles into Steve's skin with a slow-motion of his fingertips.

"Don't be afraid of your grief, Steve. Call your sister and tell her how much you miss your mother. Let Mary be a part of your mourning. You can support each other. You don't have to do this alone. Let Mary be a part of your life. Let her be a sister and let her be there for you too. You don't have to carry everything alone, babe. Mary wants to be with you not only when everything is all sunshine and carefree and you're the strong ninja-like, unreachable brother. Be human, show emotions. She needs this. Joanie is a bright ray of sunshine and she'll help you to see a future again. You have family, Steve. Don't turn your back on them."

Steve listens. He doesn't give any answers or signs if he agrees on what Danny whispers into the open space between them. Danny can tell he needs more.

"Invite Mary to Hawaii. Think about the possibility to ask her to move in with you. She has no partner and you have no girlfriend and right now you need each other. Maybe she likes this. We'll find her a job and Joanie would grow up learning how to surf from her uncle Steve just as Grace and Charlie did. Your house is big enough to build an expansion. There's enough space for all of you, even for Junior who's somehow your younger brother by the way. What do you think? Huh?"

Steve sniffs and presses his thumb and his index into his eyes. He nods and clears his throat. "Sounds good to me. Sounds like a plan. Thanks, Danny." He fights for composure.

"Okay. Enough for today. Let's try to sleep." Danny waits but Steve still holds on to his wrists.

"Sleep's fine."

"Don't you want to crawl over onto the mats? They seem comfy."

"No mats. I stay right here. I'm good."

"On the floor?"

"SEAL, remember? No big deal. You okay with the floor?"

"Yeah, I don't mind. But I thought it makes you uncomfortable with me next to you."

"No, just…I hate it when you see me having a nightmare. I'm a mess, Danny. Don't want you to see it."

"I might see it tonight?"

"It's fine."

"Okay, Steve. I'm here. Whatever you need, remember?"

"Mm-hmm."

Danny stretches his legs and when he wants to pry his hand away Steve tugs gently at it to keep it in place. 

They fall asleep.

Steve's on his back, on the floor with Danny's wrist in a solid grip. Danny turns on his side, uncomfortable on the hard floor but too tired to care about it. Steve wants him close and that's where he stays. He doesn't want to think too much how his arm his half thrown over Steve's abs, hugging him loosely, accepted and wanted.

The warm buzz spreads wide into Danny's limbs and seems to be the much-needed detail to be pulled under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

For a second Danny has no idea where he's at. The sun's about to rise, dawn creeps over the sky as far as he can tell from the small patch of sky, he sees through the simple window. Danny knows the second he's awake that he's alone.

The pang of disappointment stings so hard he turns over onto his back and carefully stretches his legs. God, his back is killing him. His stiff muscles scream at him and every move knocks the air from his lungs. Danny gasps and rolls stiffly onto his stomach. He pulls his knees under him and gets up like he's thirty years older with bones that are about to break under the strain to stand upright. Danny groans long and loud.

"Shit, Steve, can't you just for once, _just for once_ , tell me where the fuck you're going? Dammit." Danny murmurs tiredly to himself. He hangs his head just standing there.

Danny feels sticky and dirty. He's slept in his clothes that are looking terribly crumpled after this short night. He smells of the campfire. Danny sniffs his armpits and scratches his scalp extensively. Oh boy, he so needs a shower.

But Danny's not yet ready to open his eyes. He's not ready to meet the new day, not with the lingering sweetness in his chest. Not yet, he wants…he needs more seconds. He wants to hold that feeling, grab at it and never let it go. He stands alone in the room and turns his gaze inwardly. Danny cradles his balled fist to his heart and breathes. Steve's touch has left an imprint on his skin. He forces his mind to walk him one more time through the process of being touched by his best friend with an unknown tenderness. 

The landscape of emotions flutters to life and Danny holds his ground and lets everything happen. His heart goes against his will and unfolds the love he's held under lock and key. The well-kept secret pries its way free until the warmth has Danny gasp.

Enough. It's not…it's not the time. Danny thins his lips. It's never the time.

And besides, it might have no meaning to it. Of course, it hasn't. Danny shakes his head at himself. His behavior is a bit freakish and odd. He'd want to get soaked in something that might always stay hidden in the mix-up of comfort, stressed-out minds, and an exhausting job. But it's been there, and Danny hasn't been dreaming. 

Danny is here for Steve's needs, for his comfort. They've used to touch all the time in the earlier years. It has lessened a lot during the last couple of years. Maybe that's the reason Danny kind of stands dumbstruck and motionless in the shack, still with his fist clenched as if he can't let go, too afraid of losing something precious.

Steve's so messed up with losing family members left and right within the last years that he has searched for comfort. And Danny gets it. The touching has helped to avoid the exhausting night terror. Steve has silently asked for help, after all this time, he has finally reached out and Danny's more than ready to be there with all the support Steve needs.

In the brighter morning light, the room of the hut looks tidy and nice. Kamekona has promised him they would lack nothing. And he has kept his word. Danny's sure Kamekona has gone shopping to fit out this sparse room with countless amenities like pillowcases, water bottles, camping lights, standing on either side of the mats, extra towels and two sets of neoprene shirts for the possibility that they plan to use the paddleboards.

Danny takes a mental note to provide his Hawaiian friend with the well-earned big, sincere thank you in person. He's done an awesome job with the shack and the food and everything. Danny really owes Kamekona. 

Paddleboards. Danny stays rooted to the spot. It kind of hits him.

Danny groans with his head bent back and with his eyes closed. "Really, Steve?" He mouths. "Fuck."

Suddenly, Danny's very sure where to find Steve. "The ocean. Where the hell else, Steve, huh? What a surprise." He mumbles. "It's ass-o'clock in the morning on a deserted island, for Christ's sake, Steve. Don't you have enough webs already?"

Danny's gaze falls onto the empty hanger where the second neoprene shirt should be. Danny sighs and limbs hastily toward the door. He knows before he even goes looking that one of the paddleboards will be missing. He's about to run down the stairs when his big toe collides with something hard that gets kicked down the stairs from the force of the crash.

Danny curses and scrunches up his face. "Fuck, what the fuck was that? Oww!" He grunts while the flash of pain tears through his toe and makes him feel a bit sick. "Jesus! Fuck! What the hell? Damn it, damn it! That hurts!" He shouts and wraps his hand around his pulsing toe. Danny leans against the wall and just waits for the pain to go away.

His eyes detect a protein bar that lies on the first step of the stairs. A protein bar? Danny can't make sense of why it lies there and bends down to slowly pick it up. He hobbles down the stairs and his eyes scanning the ground for the freaking mean object he has just kicked out the door. His gaze falls on the water bottle that has landed in the sand. Before his mind connects the dots, he shortly checks his surroundings. Danny stops and freezes.

The beauty of nature catches him off-guard. He feels how his mouth falls open. He must look like a super dork with his messy bedhead and his wrinkled clothes. He looks like a modern version of Friday, Robinson Crusoe's best friend.

He should have been prepared for this view, but he isn't because what the heck? He's in freaking Hawaii and he tends to forget that.

It looks exactly like in of those sappy, overly romantic movies Danny has developed a weakness for. He would rather drink vinegar than having Steve known what kind of movies he watches secretly. But this moment, right here? Gah, this moment would be a perfect scene where incredible moving music would play and everything would happen in slow-fucking-motion while the couple would kiss or some other cheesy, great stuff that Danny needs every now and then for his soul.

Danny twists and turns to take in the whole uncommon scenery.

The gentle wind smells of ocean and freedom. Something wide expanse in his chest and he's deeply touched by the sheer beauty. The velvety sand is cool under his feet. Danny drinks from the bottle of water unwraps the banana flavored protein bar and munches hungrily.

He's not a morning person and too many things have already happened so fast. Everything seems so gut-clenching meaningful that Danny gets out of breath by just standing there, trying to cope with what's different this morning. His brain hasn't woken up yet. No coffee, no cogs turning. Danny nothing but chews on the gooey protein bar to regain his footing.

It's something else to wake up on a deserted island with the ocean a few feet away and Steve's sweet attempt to prepare him breakfast. Damn, that's the cutest thing ever to think about how Steve sneaks out of the shack but not without making sure Danny has something to eat when he wakes up. That must be love, right?

Danny's eyes wander again very carefully over the place. His jaw stops working when he sees the arrow sign in the sand only a few feet away. Okay, okay. Yes, Danny almost swallows the bite down the wrong tube. Steve babe, what are you up to, huh?

Danny closes in on what seems to be an arrow formed of blossoms and leaves, pointing around the corner of the shack. He follows to where the flowery-arrow leads him and pauses again when he sees that one of the paddleboards is missing. No surprise there.

But Steve has left him another clue. A second arrow made of dry leaves and stones points toward the beach. Steve must have run out of flowers. Danny flushes a hue of pink from the top of his ears down to his neck. Steve could have just used a stick or his feet to draw an arrow in the sand, showing him which direction he should choose.

But flowers? Danny tries to imagine Steve sneaking through the bushes to rip off flowers to form a sign for Danny while he has been fast asleep on the hard floor inside the shack. That's the gay version of Robinson Crusoe and he's indeed Friday. God, his heart can't deal with all of this so early in the morning.

Danny shoves the last bite of the protein bar into his mouth and pushes through the bushes to get to the shore. He grins when he spots the big smiley face in the sand and another arrow that points out to the ocean.

"Okay, big guy, you hang in there. I'll be right with you." Danny empties the water bottle in silence. His eyes are fixed on a small figure quite far out on the water, bathed in the first golden glow of the rising sun.

Steve leads, Danny follows. That's what partners do.

Danny changes quickly and wiggles into the wetsuit shirt. The paddleboard is heavy and he pauses again when he spots the second water bottle tucked neatly in the holder on the board. His heart upticks a beat with all the forward planning Steve has managed to do in darkness before dawn to make sure Danny's well taken care of. 

He balances the paddleboard over his head and turns, banging the end right in the wall of the shack. "Fuck, why is this so long?"

Danny has never used such a paddleboard. Kamekona has informed him to keep saying 'Rhythm! Steady glide! Rhythm! Steady glide!' to get going. And of course, 'paddle, paddle, paddle'. Danny's sure Kamekona has made fun of him. It's a good training item, the big guy said. Uh-huh. Danny's sure his Hawaiian friend has never used one of those.

But he walks right into the surf, climbs onto the board and is thankful he wears tights that protect the skin of his knees. Danny has no idea if he's going to make it out to Steve with the kneeling position and the strain on his bad knee. But Danny's seduced by Steve's sweet, caring way to lure him out onto the ocean. Everything is a cute gesture to let him know Steve hasn't just taken off. He also wants Danny to join him after he has woken up. Steve waits for him.

Danny has his eyes fixed on the small spot that he assumes has to be Steve. Danny's arms cut through the water. _Paddle, paddle, paddle_. The sun is already heating up and Danny starts to sweat. His arms are strong, training pays off but nevertheless it's fucking hard work to fight the waves and to move forward.

Steve bobs on the water surface like a cork. He lies stretched out on the board, face-up and turned against the sky. He lets his skin catch a nice tan, legs dangling in the water. 

Danny pants harshly and still thinks about calling Steve's name when he decides to make a good entry. He lets the board glide and bumps the tip of his paddleboard right into Steve's. The thud startles Steve's lazy posture and he jerks awake and shoots up, darting his head around.

"Danny," Steve softly says his name, mostly astonished but also with a satisfied grin that tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Hey, you came. You've found me."

Danny rolls his eyes. "As if you had expected someone else." He unfolds his huddled position. "And don't act so surprised. Yes, I've found you. I might not like the ocean as much as you do but some easy navigation isn't lost on me." He grunts when he stretches his legs to straddle the paddleboard, still out of breath.

Steve just grins at him. And Danny gets the idea Steve hasn't really been sure if Danny would make it out to him. Or maybe Steve has been so insecure if Danny wanted to spend time with him at all. Danny's heart lurches at that thought.

"My arms fell off, _twice_ , on my way out here. I'll have to take a few days off after this trip because I won't be able to even hold a gun. Tomorrow I'll be dead, and my muscles will scream at me in different shades of 'terrible and what the fuck'." Danny huffs and playfully splashes water onto Steve's legs.

"Good morning to you, too." Steve jerks his chin into the direction of Danny's knee. "You okay there?"

"Yeah, just need a moment. I've never used one of these before but it's okay." Danny knocks with his knuckles on the paddleboard. "It's kinda nice though."

"You can use it also like a surfboard, lying on your stomach and use our arms to paddle," Steve adds, still smiling a bit astonished.

"Yeah, well. I made it out to you. My arms would have fallen off either way." Danny darts a daring look back, playfully, inching forward to test the mood.

They watch each other carefully. 

"You found your breakfast?" Steve askes neutral, pupils delating with every word.

Danny doesn't immediately think of protein bars and water. Danny thinks of blossoms in the sand.

He knows how much Steve reveals of a side he hasn't let Danny see so far. A sweet, tender, cute and sensitive side. Flowers. In the sand. Really? Danny's still trying to figure out why Steve didn't just use stones, twigs, SEAL related, plain stuff such as footprints in the sand or something similar.

Danny chooses this moment to adjust his position on the board. He breaks eye contact. "Yeah, thanks for that. I ate the protein bar, I drunk the water. And thanks for the water bottle on my paddleboard and also for all the boy scout's hints in the sand." Danny tries to feel Steve's mood. "Although it would have been simpler if you just had woken me up to say what you've planned for the day. I would have come with you to watch the sunrise out here."

"That wouldn't have been the same. I was curious if you'd find the hints," Steve's gaze lies heavily on Danny. "And I didn't want to wake you. Sunrise will be next time." Steve's eyes roam over his face.

Danny gets it.

Steve's needed alone-time.

Their discussion from last night is still as sore as a three-day-old burn wound. Danny has no idea if they've even cleared the air if he could get across what has been stuck in his mind for so long. Are they good? Danny has to ask again later. And what about all the tenderness?

Steve turns his head away and Danny knows he's thinking just the same. The way they've fallen asleep last night, touching, holding on to one another. Admitting something fragile not allowing it to stay buried any longer.

He should say something. Danny watches Steve's attempts to uncap his small water bottle. Sunrise will be next time, huh? 

"Did you find the hints?" Steve takes a pull from the bottle.

"If I found the hints?" Danny makes a face and snorts. "Don't offend my skills, buddy. I'm a damn good Detective and even if I got kicked out of the boy scouts, I know how to find blinking neon signs in the sand." He clicks his tongue and tilts his head, nodding. "No way I could have _not_ seen your signs."

"Good," Steve says no more and twists the cap back on.

Danny grins before he gets serious again. "Did you sleep at all?" Danny asks just for the sake of talking. The vastness of the ocean so far out makes him uncomfortable. He moves the paddleboard to align it to Steve's.

They sit facing each other, gently rocking on the water. Occasionally their knees brush and their calves get pressed together underwater. Danny uses his hand to push off a few inches. He can't breathe and he knows his face isn't just red from the sun.

Water-slick skin is terribly sinful.

Steve stays silent, watching the water.

Danny draws air into his tight lungs and hides his ragged intakes behind the rough exercise to paddle out to Steve.

"What have you been doing out here? It's far out…and there's a lot of water…" Danny darts his gaze in the direction of the beach. It's too tiny for his likes, too far away.

Steve cups Danny's knee in his cool palm and squeezes down. "Hey, Danny, it's fine. The tide's coming back, the current is carrying us back to shore. We won't end up out in the open sea."

"Yeah, okay, you're the one with the sea-legs and the sailor experience," Danny mumbles, ignoring how much he wants to ruck up his tights to suck up the feeling of Steve's hand on his bare skin. He tries to memorize every move and every brush of skin on skin. Distraction is welcome to lead his thoughts away from the huge distance they still have to the shore. It seems to be miles and miles away.

He's paddled out here. No wonder his arms are jelly.

"Tell me, Steve. What have you been doing out here? Sleeping?" Danny asks again.

Steve's gaze travels over his face with deep, deep eyes. The early sunlight highlights the little golden glimmer in his look Danny has never really acknowledged. They sit close. The tenseness that flickers over Steve's face appears and fades away fast but Danny sees it anyway.

"I love to just sit and to feel the enormous depth of the ocean." Steve lifts his hand and dives his fingers into the water, swinging it back and forth, slowly as if he caresses the sea. "Do you feel the cold emerging from beneath?"

"Yeah, I do and it freaks me out. Too much water for my taste." Danny replies with a tensed laugh.

"Yet you came," Steve whispers. His eyes follow the movement of his hand in the water.

Danny inhales with force as if hiking high up in a steep mountain on 24'000 feet surrounded by thin air. "I have to make sure you'll find your way back to the beach, babe."

Steve's stills. "Like you had to make sure I get back safely to Hawaii?" Steve's words carry a wary note.

"Yep," Danny knows if he says more his voice is going to betray him.

"Why wouldn't I find my way back to the shore, huh? Danny? I'm not that reckless to try to paddle back home." Steve continues to swing his arm back and forth combing the water with his spread fingers. He gazes up from under his stupidly long lashes. 

Danny burst out in a loud laugh that ends in a good-hearted snicker. "I wouldn't sign that statement. You're an animal when it comes to physical exercises." The silence lasts two heartbeats. "You're Aquaman, babe, seawater runs in your veins. You shift into a sea creature when you're on your own, plowing through the ocean like a seal for hours," Danny's smile is soft, knowing very well what he has just said, "and you love the sea just as much. Sometimes I need to make sure you come back…and that…just to know the things you return to are worthy, encompass enough to lure you back onshore, back home." 

Steve watches him the whole time. His face a landscape of emotions, highlighted by the light and the sparkles on the water surface. His hair is a messy matt, slick from saltwater. The last droplet of water has dried on his face. He looks beautiful and unbounded. Inscrutable, not giving away anything.

Danny's on alert, always when Steve morphs with a single intake into the best warrior the earth has ever witnessed. The air vibrates around his frame. Steve sits stock still, gazing up, looking at Danny, carding his fingers through the water, not missing a beat. As careful as a wild animal, ready to disappear in a split second at the sight of the wrong twitch of a finger. Or a wrong uttered word.

Danny has witnessed Steve's retreat so many times. It always leaves him with an echo in his chest. Something he can't wrap his fingers around but it's there, aching.

Steve's voice is low and biting out the words, slow but with this heavy note. "You're afraid I could just float off with the outgoing current, letting me carry far out to the open sea to never return? To escape? To maybe… I don't know? Turn my back on life? What shall I do out there?" Steve wears a daring glare.

Danny takes the challenge full-on. "Yes, exactly that. I'm afraid, Steve. Sometimes, I'm afraid you could walk in the water that embraces you, that silences your thoughts and provides you with the feeling of dissolving, become one with the sea. The mood you've had the last couple of days…hasn't been so encouraging…quite the opposite." Danny guesses honesty is the only way to make Steve understand. "You've lost too much, Steve and you've been in a dark place lately. I need to be close. I know how it feels to get lost in your own mind without a real connection to the outer world." 

Danny waits. The bobbing of their paddleboards is comforting and soothing. It's just them and what seems miles of Pacific Ocean.

Steve looks a bit wild around the eyes. "I would never just disappear or turn my back on you, Danny. I couldn't do that to you…to Mary." Steve drops his gaze and makes it impossible for Danny to see what's really going on in Steve's heart. He's not even upset Danny has dropped the hint that he might want to run away.

Steve sounds beat.

They finally talk. Danny has known he could trust his gut. The island trip is perfect and kind of helping both with the healing.

Danny clutches at straws to save the mood from slipping. "And what's with the depth? You said you paddled out that far to feel the depth of the ocean."

Steve takes his sweet time to answer. "I've been in many different oceans. I always loved to feel the abyss. The sheer drop, the enormous chasm formed by nature filled with an unimaginable amount of saltwater. You never know what's hidden beneath." 

Danny listens to the roughness of Steve's voice.

"Wow, thanks so much for that vivid picture. I could have lived without the image of a giant squid emerging from 30'000 feet to eat me alive." Danny's rant is a disguise. A shiver ripples through him making him grab at the rims of his paddleboard.

He's deeply moved by the mere amount of feelings Steve bares by talking about the ocean. It's not about the words he uses, it's what stays hidden and beneath and how he moves his lips, how the tiny hesitation shapes a 3D picture of his soul and his tender heart.

Steve doesn't touch upon Danny's remark. He continues as if he wants Danny to know why he spends so much time swimming, being surrounded by the sea.

"The stillness of what lies beneath the surface anchors me, silences the swirling thoughts, calms my inner turmoil. It's like I become one with the depth, the incomprehensible of the eternal darkness on the bottom." Steve blinks several times. Danny watches his Adam's apple as he swallows. "It's what I need when I can't think clearly anymore." He adds with a rasp in his voice.

The understanding dawns on Danny. "You're not alone, Steve. I'm always here. I'm by your side whatever you're going through, I'm with you. Do you know that?" His hand rubs over Steve's thigh. "Tell me you know that." He orders to know.

"I don't want to be a burden. I should be able to get over it by myself." Steve answers stubbornly.

"Stupid is what you are," Danny says roughly and too upset. "Steve, Jesus. You're not a machine. You have a heart. I know you have one and it's no shame in leaning on someone when everything becomes too much. Because it can be overwhelming. If you can't cope with it just…damn it, Steve…just ask for help. I'm always here for you."

Steve nods but keeps quiet.

"Have you ever thought about therapy? A support group? Specialized in helping war veterans, cops…" Danny knows this topic is highly explosive material.

But Steve doesn't just deflect as he normally would or as Danny has expected him to do so. Steve answers the question. "I tried, once. But it's already a few years ago."

"And?" Danny demands details.

"Nothing. We sat there, we talked. I went after Cath and I brought Freddie back."

Danny is lost for words. Some lives are burdened with so much pain, it's unfathomable why life chooses to send people through the winger hardly dealing with what gets thrown at them. He hates to know Steve's one of those guys where life just tore into their souls to rip out chunks of all the good that's there, forever lost.

"Did it help?" Danny knows the answer already.

"We talked, we sat there, we went home and words can't just undo what's going on inside of you. If it helped? I don't know. I stopped going." Steve gets twitchy.

Danny knows when he has to change the subject. He's not here to grill Steve and to force him into therapy. He just wants to spend some good times with him, doing what Steve loves to do and helping him to draw his focus away from all the sadness weighing down on him. Danny wants to splash in the water and enjoy nature for the sake to see the small smile that might appear on Steve's lips.

Danna clears his throat and turns his head left and right. All he sees is water and the faraway beach to his right. "Okay, Steve, what's your plan? I know you have one. What are we going to do with the day?"

Steve watches the shore intensely. He even uses his hand to shield his eyes from the bright morning sun. "I haven't paddled out here just to feel the depth of the ocean. I just wanted to create enough distance to check this side of the island."

Danny glances over to the thick jungle and the soft hills that seem to roll down the hillside. "You're looking for a special spot?"

"Yes," Steve's concentration lies completely on the spotting of the shoreline. "My dad always talked about this part as kind of a treasure quest if we ever made the trip out here. When we made him talk about the island, he always had to explain to us how to find the cave and the waterfall with the pond, kind of a basin of washed out stones. And he explained to us to look out for the inlet, northeast of the island, there would be two special-shaped rocks peeking out between the sea of green and leaves." Steve let his eyes carefully roam over the shore and Danny's eyes follow his hand. "And I intend to find the entrance. I wanna have a bath in freshwater. I want to check this place out. I want to see it with my own eyes. In my fantasy, it was a secret garden, big and beautiful. I just need to…" Steve's voice fades but it carries the hope of old days.

"We're gonna find that place, Steve. If your dad knew it's here, it still will be untouched even after all those years." Danny steers his paddleboard closer to Steve's, toes bumping into Steve's shin. He doesn't try to correct the distance. He only feels Steve's eagerness to finally get the chance to check out the secret his dad always talked about.

After their talk there's a new closeness between them and Danny floats right beside Steve's leg, checking if Steve might pull his leg back to avoid more skin contact. Danny pretends to swipe the mess of green with his eyes while his senses are completely drawn to the small patch of skin underwater. Steve lets it happen, keeps the position steady while the shallow waves make Danny's foot rub over his ankle and the arch of his foot. 

Danny keeps it simple while his heart causes a challenge to level his breathing. "Okay, now I'm intrigued. I'm in. Freshwater, a blessing. God, yes, everything to wash off the layer of salt and sand on my skin." Danny checks the shoreline again, his tactile sense completely absorbed by the way Steve's warm, slick skin feels against his own. 

"There!" Steve's arm suddenly shoots forward. He points with his finger toward a faraway spot. "There it is! I can see it now!" Steve cheers.

Danny has to close his eyes. He only wants to listen. For a second he's keen on letting his hunger feast on the sound. A sound he hasn't heard in such a long time. Steve ejects a short 'whoo hoo' call. It's honest to god a cheerful sound perfectly performed with his head slightly bent backward. And Danny sees it, sees how it blossoms on Steve's lips… _that smile_. Finally. 

"It looks exactly as my dad used to describe the place." He exclaims excitedly and turns his face back to look at Danny.

Danny's breath catches when he sees Steve's first genuine smile spreading over his face. God, he looks so beautiful. Danny hopes his voice won't fail him. "Okay, lead the way, Tarzan and let's paddle over there. I've never stood under a waterfall. I hope there are no crocodiles." He has to add that. The mood is loaded with feelings Danny can't handle.

Steve chuckles and shakes his head. And Danny loves it and smiles back.

"It's quite a distance. Lay down on the board, Danny. Don't strain your knee any further. Let's go, c'mon!"

Steve calls over his shoulder every few minutes to make sure Danny follows. He sets a brisk pace, his laser-focus on his new target. 

Danny draws energy from the sight of Steve's new awoken spirits. His arms are still jelly and he rants and complaints a lot on their way over to the shore just for old time's sake. But at the same time, breathing is way easier. Danny's body tingles with the bright grin Steve wears on his face. The emotional tides are turning.

This is what Danny has wanted from the start. A weekend away on an island, having a good time and making Steve smile. 

Danny draws strength from the view of how Steve's muscles flex while plowing through the water. His pace is steady, the glide of his paddleboard excellent and flawless.

Steve shouts some memories in his direction about the waterfall and how he and Mary were dreaming to jump from a rock into the natural shaped pool.

Danny listens and his mind produces new images. The complete opposite ones from the childhood innocence Steve might have in mind.

Steve's a grown man. He looks damn good in whatever clothes he wears. Danny's mind is already imagining him in shorts and nothing else but bare skin, with droplets of water running down in small rivulets over rippled abs and rock-hard pecs. And Danny is sure Steve will wear a killer smile before he performs an idiotic, irresponsible and dangerous backflip from the edge of a rock just to shock him and to hear him rant for hours.

A jump from a rock into a swimming pool on an island in Hawaii shouldn't be that hot especially when it's performed by your work-partner. But the only reference Danny's mind comes up with is a movie. These lewd fantasies might fit in the movie 'The Blue Lagoon'. In its days, a scandalous flick where the actors are kinda naked most of the time.

Well, thank fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! And guys! Guys! A big thank you goes to all of you for your great, fantastic support! For being with me on this journey, for reading, for dropping by, for writing awesome, marvelous feedbacks and for just letting me know how much you enjoy the story. All of this makes me so happy. Mahalo for your time and your love. Your rock my socks off! You're wonderful people! Your attention and your love for the boys are air under my writer's wings. Thank you with all my heart! You're the best and I love you all! 
> 
> The movie 'Chasing Mavericks' is a great, intense surfer movie about the 'children of the tides'. Some of my ideas for this chapter got born while watching that movie.
> 
> And 'The Blue Lagoon' (1980) was epic. A movie of the genre of eroticism even though it's a drama and Brooke Shields plays the female lead. But eh boy, did it mess with the people. Brooke Shields is a goddess in this movie, young, innocent and so gorgeous.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm not going in there!" Danny exclaims for the third time.

The waves are rougher so close to the entrance, hitting the rocks around them more forcefully. Danny has to steady his paddleboard by moving his legs. He sits astride on his board and watches Steve think and how his face shows the exact moment when he takes a decision. 

"We can make it, Danny. It's not difficult or dangerous but we have to be real quick. The tide's rising. Keep your head down and just paddle, okay? Once we're inside the surge of the tide eases off. It's no biggie, come on Danny, let's do this. I don't want to hike all the way on foot to get here." Steve checks again the surroundings before he bends sideways to slap Danny on the shoulder. "You'll be fine." He grins.

That's a sight to behold and Danny would just do anything to keep that grin on Steve's face. "Okay, you crazy animal." He kind of glares with his brows furrowed just to keep their easy banter going. "But you go first. At least, I can glide in using your lee site." Danny has to shout to drown out the sound of the water that splashes in a constant rhythm over the rocks.

The entrance is a portal of an overhanging rock formation. Tree branches hang low and cover the opening giving the spot a wild, abandoned look. It's a rough patch of land, randomly thrown rocks seem to be piled up by giants ages ago. The water has washed out this gaping hole where Steve expects him to paddle through.

Steve laughs light-heartedly before he flops down on his stomach and stretches out on his board. "Let's go, Danny! Keep close and use all the force you've got! Ready?" He shouts over to Danny and waits for the final sign.

"Go!" Danny's heart goes a mile a minute. He's up for some adventures alright but the huge amount of water and the sharp rocks don't help to reach the stage of giddiness Steve's in.

The incoming tide turns out to be a good supporter. A few forceful strokes with their arms carry them over the critical line before the cave opens up. The moment they float inside into the naturally built hole the sound of the clashing waves stills spectacularly. The rocky, wet walls of the cave looking as glibbery and unfriendly just as Danny has been afraid they would. 

The ceiling is black, built of rocks that hang upside down for the last five hundred years or so. Danny makes out roots of trees, a lot of dirt and the overwhelming wetness, dropping from the ceiling. The cave is quite wide and not a closed space as he has expected. Danny can't still breathe normally. There's the other big hole to his right that seems to be the exit. The blue sky is spreading wide above their heads. He sees a way out but it's still not his favorite place to be.

Danny pushes his upper body up and darts his glance around. "Don't tell me that the tide rises so high it fills the whole damn cave. Jesus! Can we head out? Like right now? Yo, Steve!" Danny doesn't pretend to enjoy this part. 

"Sure, Danny. I guess it's this way. Follow me." Steve glides from his paddleboard and climbs already over the rocks onto higher ground. "Wow, Danny! Don't you think it's amazing?" Steve literally beams when he takes the time to inspect their stony discovery. And then he looks right at Danny. "Yeah, I guess, when the tide reaches its peak the water fills up the whole cave." Steve muses with his arms on his hips.

Danny almost breaks eye contact. Steve stares right into his tangled mess of emotions. And the slight panic that knocks against this breastbone doesn't help to keep his cool.

Steve's smile doesn't falter immediately but the concern dampens the joy a bit. Steve must sense Danny's uneasiness. Although Danny tries hard to go for easy as pie with the dark cave and the small exit and all. But the change on Steve's face tells Danny he isn't too successful to hide his wildly beating heart and the rushing anxiety that gushes its heat into his stomach.

"Come on, Danny, I'll pull you up. We're out in no time and the tide rises slowly." Steve waits for him and searches for a steady grip with is bare feet. "Take it easy, Danny. The stones are slippery. Gimme your hand. Yeah, that's okay. I got you."

Danny grasps Steve's forearm back and holds on tight while Steve hauls him up. There's not much space to stand and Danny wiggles at first, curling his toes around every rough edge to find his footing. Steve steadies him by simply slipping his arm around Danny's waist. He pulls Danny in to prevent him from falling. "Don't slip and don't break anything, okay?" Steve adds with a light voice way too close to his ear.

Danny sucks in air and ignores the wobbly feeling in his knees. "You're not just an animal, you're a freaking mountain goat," Danny grumbles and adds that to the growing list of skill sets Steve hides up his sleeve.

Steve only grins idiotically sweet and Danny stands so close he witnesses the sparks in his eyes and Steve's cute crinkles when his lips got pulled up in a bright grin. "Mountain goats are terribly skilled. I won't let go of you until you haven't found a secure spot to stand on." Steve says. "I mean it, Danny, don't break anything."

"I'm not that clumsy, Steve and not everyone can pop suction cups on their soles on command." Danny shoots back and his hands fist Steve's neoprene shirt like his life depends on it. The stones are super slippery, goddammit.

He hates when Steve makes him feel like a damsel in distress. But at the same time, he's deeply thankful to be out of the water. The intense body contact helps shit to get his breathing under control. Steve's arm is solidly wrapped around his waist and he keeps Danny glued to his side. If Steve feels his shaking, he doesn't let anything on. 

"Hell, why does every little trip have to end up being kind of a stupid steeplechase when I'm with you?" Danny hears Steve snort. "I just don't get off on inhospitable places as you do, Steve. That's a SEAL thing no normal people will ever understand. I've signed up for a waterfall and a nice, relaxing bath in a pool not for hiking crazy, sharp rock formations underground with no damn shoes while the tide rises."

"Where would be the fun?" Steve breathes directly into his ear, the air hot on Danny's skin. "And mountain goats don't have suction cups on their hooves."

Danny feels the rumble of Steve's laugh wandering through his chest. "You're such an idiot," is all Danny manages to murmur.

They are still pressed together with the little room on the rock, but Steve already bends down. "Help me with the paddleboards, Danny. We have to pull them up on the higher ground, at least a bit. The low tide will come. I don't want to end up explaining Kawika why we've lost two expensive items of his equipment."

Danny grunts and pulls. Steve shouts a lot of orders to where to haul them up and how far up the paddleboards need to go. 

"If there isn't a waterfall where I can a least take a shower underneath I'm going to scream," Danny says panting harshly. "And I'm hungry, too. And no! No, Steve! I won't eat any berries or funny looking roots. And don't even start with grilling rabbits." Danny shouts before he starts climbing after Steve.

He regrets that his whole concentration is forced on where he puts his feet instead of staring at Steve's flexing leg muscles.

"Yeah, I enjoy this trip, too, Danny," Steve answers with no heat but he checks several times if Danny's okay. 

"Don't look at me like that, Steve. You know I have to complain a bit, wouldn't want to make it too easy for you." Danny darts him an easy smile.

"Are you really hungry? Do you want to go back? We can come back later with a backpack, food, and water…" Steve stops so abruptly, Danny bumps into him.

Steve looks unsure. He still wears his neoprene top. He gestures with his hand in the direction they have scrambled out from. 

A big chunk of Danny's heart melts. Steve would do that for him. He would spare no effort to make it up to Danny and make sure he's alright. For the flash of a moment, Danny tastes the bitterness of all the abuse Steve has to endure because his character has this streak to put everyone else in front of his own needs. It's easy for people to suck Steve emotionally dry. He gives until there's nothing left of him with the hope, he would eventually get something back in return.

Danny wants to wrap Steve in his arms. "I'm fine, Steve, really. I'm good. Let's go find your dad's waterfall." He shortly wraps his fingers around Steve's biceps and squeezes assuring. 

"Okay," Steve smiles shyly and turns around, "it can't be far anymore."

Danny is sure they haven't said a word for the long stretch of five minutes. That's a long time considering what they are staring at. 

"Wow." Danny manages to express his feelings.

"I've never would have guessed that it might be so beautiful," Steve adds in a dry voice.

"Why are we standing here, sweating buckets, closing in on a heat stroke when we could be _in_ the water?" Danny wonders out loud.

"You can't get a heat stroke from the morning sun, Danny. Not hot enough." Steve says without missing a beat.

Danny rolls his eyes and lets the place enchant him a bit longer. "Next time, you have to bring Mary. She needs to see this, Steve."

"Yeah," Steve says with a thick voice.

"We can't even take a picture. I left my cell in the hut. It's not waterproof." Danny walks slowly up to the small lake. "That doesn't count as a pond, too big. It's more like a small lake. Do you think it has grown bigger since your dad?"

Steve walks up to stand next to Danny. "I have no idea but it's stunningly beautiful. I'm so glad the island is private property and no flocks of tourists could come to visit the beautiful untouched place."

"I need to ask Kawika. He might know about this place." Danny dips his toes into the water. "Whoa, it's really cool and crystal clear." He turns around and with elevated eyebrows, he looks at Steve. "What are we waiting for? Are you up for a few jumps from the top of the waterfall?"

Steve has his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are too red and Danny knows he fights with too many emotions. The place looks like the secret garden he hasn't been prepared to find. The secret spot is surrounded by big trees and dense bushes.

The walk has been rough on Danny's sensible feet. Steve has shut him up by simply saying that he should man up and just walk or Steve would throw him over his shoulder and carry him all the way up just to stop the ongoing complaining.

Danny has swallowed his groans and he has also hidden his smile. There's a lot of fire coming back into Steve's behavior. He wakes up from his stupor he has been trapped for the last two weeks. That's a victory. Danny's a bit weak with all the relief flooding his body. He pats his own shoulder briefly to congratulate himself again for this splendid idea to drag Steve onto this island.

"Yeah, let's jump from the waterfall but before that, we shortly dip. Our bodies are too heated from the walk up here. I don't want to see you float belly up after you made a crazy head jump into the cool water." Steve jerks his head in the direction of the big pond, still hugging his upper body.

"Okay, whatever you say." Danny walks past Steve not without giving him a gentle back rub. "You okay?" He asks and just walks on. Steve wouldn't want to be looked at. His eyes are still misty and red. He can try to play it all down but Danny knows him too well.

"Yeah, I'm good." 

Danny leads the way and listens to the crushing of dry leaves, knowing Steve follows him.

"Maybe we can come back tomorrow, bring our cells. I'd love to get some pictures for Mary."

Danny ignores the hoarse sound in Steve's voice and answers cheerfully. "Good idea. I like it. Hiking is the lesser of the two evils. I won't be able to use my arms tomorrow anyway. And we still have to paddle back to the shack with an empty stomach and all. And I haven't had one single drop of coffee yet. God, how am I gonna survive this? I hope you know how much I love you for doing all this." Danny rambles teasingly. He doesn't turn around with his concentration on the big rocks in front of him, carefully watching his steps.

There are silence and a brief break in the rhythm of Steve's steps. Danny keeps his eyes on the ground. The sudden warm touch of Steve's hand makes Danny jump a little. He lifts his head when Steve's strong fingers circle around his neck.

"Thanks, Danny. For all of this. It's…I like being here with you." 

Again, with the whisper right beside his ear. Danny has no idea how to answer this. How should he even keep up with this guy? Danny can't tell if Steve's flirting or if he's just genuinely relieved that they don't fight anymore. The thick emotions catch Danny by surprise. Instead of answering with words, Danny's hand shoots up. He covers Steve's hand with his own, where he's still holding on to Danny's neck. 

"C'mon, big guy. Show me what you've got." Steve's hand presses down on his neck, gripping Danny's muscles tighter. Danny slows down and senses how Steve pulls him back with a shy tension. "We used to do some stupid shit in high school and I guess that's normal for that age. I hope Grace will never find out. I can't have my image ruined as a responsible dad."

Steve stops him and brings his mouth so close to his ear that Danny feels almost how his lips brush over his skin. "But you can tell me, hmm?" 

Danny laughs low. "There was this public pool. And sometimes, during summer, we climbed onto the roof at night and jumped from there into the pool when no one was there. It was, of course, prohibited to climb over the fence with the big, fat sign that should scare us off. But you know how that goes with teenagers. The one who showed the craziest stunt won."

"You did climb over?" Steve shots back with mock amusement. "And what did the winner get?"

"Free beer." 

"Two crimes in one night." Steve sounds delighted. "Gaining unauthorized access to a public pool and buying and drinking beer as a minor. You were quite a rebel, Danny." Now, his words are more of a pleasing compliment with hidden pride. "I would literally pay money to get a glimpse of you jumping off that roof in the middle of the night. Okay, the bet is on." Steve slaps his shoulder hard.

"Why am I not surprised?" Danny sighs.

"Do you think you still can come up with some of those jumps? Still got in in you?" Steve challenges him.

"You bet Mr. Crazy SEAL. This time I'll show you some stuff. I hope you can keep up. You might learn a thing or two." Danny talks over his shoulder before he frees himself out of Steve's gentle grip with one graceful move. 

"Danny, wait!"

Danny hears him shout but he already pushes his body forcefully off the ground and performs and elegant head jump into the cool, clear water of the natural pool formed of stones.

Danny breaches the surface and shakes the water out of his hair. He doesn't have time to look over if Steve's still standing there when the water next to him splashes high with Steve water bombing into the pool. Two seconds later his head shoots up and his face is lit up with the brightest smile Danny has seen in a long time. 

He watches how Steve forcefully shakes his head with a move done a million times. The water droplets fly everywhere and the early sun glitters on Steve's wet face.

"Whoa! It's cold! I haven't expected it to be that cold!" He exclaims and with three strong pulls of his arms, he's right beside Danny. "You still wear your neoprene top." Steve grins at him, eyes sparkling.

"You too, by the way. And it's sun protection. I can't add burned skin to my useless, super tired arms. That's a no-no even for me."

Steve makes a duh-face at him and keeps smirking. "Don't be stupid, rebels don't really care for stuff like that." 

Danny is very grateful for the cold water and he watches silently how Steve pushes himself out of the water and onto the big rock. He swiftly shrugs off his rash guard. He stands top-less at the edge of the pool and waves Danny to get out. "Danny, what are you waiting for? The waterfall's not getting any higher. Don't stall time. I wanna see some of those jumps! I go first!"

Danny pulls himself out of the water and runs after Steve, getting rid of his top on the way. He briefly stops to wriggle the shirt over his shoulders before he tosses it to the ground. He already feels the long-forgotten moves returning into his muscles. As a teenager, he performed backflips, somersaults forward and other crazy turns that ended mostly with a head jump into the water on a daily basis.

Steve's joy is so infectious Danny can't stand to wait for a second longer. The rocks to reach the top of the waterfall are easy to climb. He follows so closely right behind Steve that the water running down Steve's body drops onto Danny. He even pinches Steve's calf once when he has to wait a moment too long until Steve's toes have found an edge to clench to for a solid grip.

"What are you doing?" Steve shouts with this bright laugh in his voice and Danny just pinches him again only to listen to the carefree sound of Steve's words. It's so good to have him back.

"Wow, look around Danny. Look at this beauty!" Steve grabs his arm to get his attention.

"I see it, Steve. I have eyes too!" Danny pulls his arm back but Steve clutches it only firmer. Danny laughs brightly. "Are you trying to show me the artless beauteousness of nature or are you trying to hold me back because you're afraid I might jump first?" 

Steve yanks Danny into a hug and presses his chest to his back, holding him tightly and starts wrestling with Danny. "Whatcha think? Huh? I go first. I decide which stunt we perform. Agreed?"

"You're such a competition-lunatic! I should have known!" Danny has Steve's wrists in a death-grip and winds out from in between Steve's arms. It's way too much bare skin touching bare skin. Danny's blood kind of is heating up with a goofy behaving Steve, who smiles like an eight-year-old boy. He's full of mischief. "I don't like this look you're wearing, Steve. I know that face, ahh, you think you can beat me on this one, right? Ha! Go ahead, you goof and show me what you've got!" Danny shoves Steve a little, just to make him take a step back. But he crowds in on him the moment Danny takes his hands off his chest.

They hold a staring match, neither of them is looking away. "Enough, Steve, don't make me do some stupid shit." Danny can't control the bubbling laughter that frees itself from his throat. "You have this I'm-so-sure-I-beat-Danny-look on your face."

Steve smirks and juts his chin forward. "And how does such an expression look like, huh?" 

Danny fends off Steve's hands who try to grab him by his upper arms. Steve's so close Danny sees the goosebumps that crawl over his pecs and his hard, small and perfect nipples.

"I won't say it. And jump already before we both tumble over the edge." Danny shouts and chokes on his laughter.

"Yeah, okay, can do." Steve briefly runs his hand over Danny's hair and squeezes his shoulder with one hand to get his attention. "We start with a head jump. Backflip for the second one and freestyle for the third stunt. You okay with that?" Steve watches him with a soft expression and the open, trustful glance, baring his heart behind his eyes.

"Whatever you say, Tarzan. Go, fly through the air already before you vibrate out of your skin." Danny wiggles his eyebrows. He traces with his fingertips the tingly path Steve's hand has left on his skin.

"I hope you know how to lose," Steve shouts before he pushes off and flies through the air, arms spread wide at this side. 

Danny watches him perform a perfect head jump, gracefully and with his legs closed, stretched and muscles tensed. This good-looking idiot even points his toes. How does a SEAL know how to point his toes like a ballet dancer? Danny feels to surge in his blood racing through his veins. He waits until Steve's head is visible again. He shows him the thumbs up, telling him everything is fine. Danny waves his arms to make Steve move a bit to the side before he takes a run-up to get enough speed. 

God, how he has missed this.

The time of the free flight is so short but Danny instantly catches up on what his body has been performing on a daily basis during his teenage days. His body is spread out like an eagle, arms stretched wide at his side, legs one single body part, like tail feathers. He sails through the air and he hears Steve's shouting. Danny doesn't go for a head jump. He goes for the crazier version of doing the jack-knife right before he would hit the surface belly first. His body is all hard muscles when he hits the water with a loud splash, folded in half. He has always gotten points for performing the fewest water splatters.

He breaches the surface with a shout of victory.

"Are you out of your fucking mind, Danny?" Steve screams and swims toward him, eyes wide and anxious. And he looks a bit angry. "You stupid, idiot! You could have hurt yourself! If you hit the water with full force you could just jump out of a two-story building hitting the concrete. For Christ's sake, Danny!"

Danny isn't impressed. He knows he just won this one. "That was awesome! Whoo Hoo! God, my body remembers everything! C'mon, Steve. I knew what I was doing. I did that all the time."

"You scared the shit out of me with your stupid stunt," Steve grumbles, treading the water next to him. He stays close. Danny senses how Steve wants to touch him, to be assured he's fine.  
Danny cups Steve's cheek and gives him a gentle pat. "I'm fine, Steve. And it's an exhilarating feeling to make you fidget in the water for a change. What do you say? I won this one, right? Because the level of difficulty beats your simple head jump."

Steve smiles and snorts. "Let's see who wins the second one. You cheated." 

"I didn't and you're just upset that it's not your crazy that gave you head start. It's my crazy." Danny laughs delighted and watches again how Steve pulls himself up and out of the water, too eager to compete with him. "Score one for Team Williams, McGarrett," Danny yells gleefully after Steve before he reaches the edge of the pool with a few strokes.

"Your crazy, Danny, huh? Let's see about that! I know what I'm dealing with now." Steve climbs up the rocks as if his life depends on it. "Be prepared, Danny, I'm going to vaporize your lead." He shouts on a low laugh.

Steve beams. Like the freaking sun. He beams and Danny swallows and tries not to tumble over any edge and leaps after Steve.

Everything has turned into a competition now, even who gets to the top first. Danny enjoys every moment tremendously.

He reaches the flat top and walks carefully over the slippery stones and through the refreshing stream to where Steve stands. "Don't get competition-stupid, Steve, promise me that. You have your crazy 'I'm-gonna-fire-a-rocket-launcher-at-those-bastards look on and I don't like it a bit." 

The waterfall isn't huge. Steve stands in the little stream with no strong current that runs down the rocks creating the small waterfall that fills the natural pool about fourteen feet below them.

Steve chortles, gifting Danny with such a bright, challenging smile that he would want to press his lips to Steve's to taste that happy smile. But instead, he locks eyes with Steve who grins even wider. "I got a look where you know I unpack my rocket launcher at any moment?"

"You're the weirdest person, babe. You take words as a compliment that weren't meant as one, you super goof. Don't get yourself hurt is what I want to say." Danny tries to glare and fails.

"Backflip. Watch and say goodbye to your lead." Steve darts him a seductive gaze, eyes wide and dark. His muscles tense up. Danny's eyes drop to his feet where he admires Steve's toes and how they clench to the little bumps in the stone.

Steve performs two backflips, turns dramatically in the air but hasn't enough time to turn enough to hit the water feet first. He's a solid package when his back hits the surface. Danny groans and counts the seconds before Steve's head pops up again.

"You stupid idiot!" Danny yells, heart pounding frantically. "Are you okay?"

Steve throws his head back and laughs. He gives Danny the thumbs-up sign. 

"Could you be less dramatic, you bullheaded Neanderthal?" Danny can't stop shouting. He's still fighting his pulse into a normal rhythm. 

And Steve laughs and signs impatiently for Danny to jump down. "What are you waiting for, Danny! I'm fine! Get the hell down! Show me what you've got!" He shouts from beneath.

Danny's backflip is compact, solid and he opens up and breaches the water headfirst, body stretched and compact like a stick of wood, causing the water barely to splash.

Danny almost gets off on Steve's disbelief written all over his face. Steve hits the surface with the flat of his hand hard and sends a wall of water in Danny's direction. He expresses his feelings with a hearty 'what the fuck' and climbs out of the pool again.

Steve waits for him by the small creek, at the edge of the rock. "You're good, Danny. I had no idea." Words as soft as velvet. "There was I time I thought you couldn't swim."

Danny huffs a laugh. "We haven't been often to any public pool with a springboard where I could have tried to impress you." Danny scrubs his hands over his face to get rid of the water in his eyes. He grins. The sun's brightness blinds him. He can't make out Steve's expression.

"We should do that more often." Steve turns his head and watches a long moment the water below. He cast Danny an intense look. "C'mon, Danny, let's jump together. Freestyle this time. You won anyway." He jerks his head to get Danny stepping up.

And like two teenage boys with no care in the world they push off on the count of three. Steve shouts cheerfully and Danny chimes in. They hit the water with one knee pulled to the chest, a compact package, diving into the water like two heavy stones.

They climb out and immediately lie spread-eagled on the warm rock, letting the sun dry their skin. Steve is on his back, face up and eyes closed, his head next to Danny's chest, forming a 'T' with Danny's outstretched body. They are still panting.

"I'm so freaking hungry, I see double." Danny groans not able to move a finger. He almost dozes off but he turns his head and watches Steve. He's too quiet after all the fun mood they have been in the alarm bells go off in Danny's head. "Hey, Steve, you okay? What's up?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Steve stays quiet. After a moment, he covers his eyes with his hands but doesn't answer Danny's question. Danny pushes his upper body up and supports his weight with his elbows. He watches Steve's breathing. Steve's abnormally quiet. His abs are taut, holding in air and too many unspoken words.

Yeah, Danny gets it. All the joy and the fun only highlight the raw truth, reminding Steve what's lost forever. The sadness rushes back with the force of a freight train. The emotional punch brings you to your knees. Steve tumbles because of the sudden mood flip. Danny knows how that feels.

His fingers hesitantly crawl over the rock toward Steve's head. He slowly makes contact by tracing Steve's wet hair with his fingertips. "Do you remember when you said that I'm not as alone as I thought I was? That was a decade ago, in the early days when we've started working together. I think it was after we solved our first case when you filled Victor Hess's chest with bullets." 

Steve's hands fall away from his eyes and he crosses his arms over his chest. He lies on his back, outstretched and unmovable but he listens to Danny. "Yeah, I remember. What's that got to do with anything?" 

"You threw me a lifeline, babe. You assured me that I've friends, people who care even if I didn't want to believe it at that time. The first few months in Hawaii were awful in so many ways…and you just said that to me. I didn't even like you at that time." Danny jokes with a low laugh, "God, you were so arrogant with your inflated ego but there you were, smiling at me like there's no tomorrow. You gave me something to hold on to."

Steve exhales. "Yeah, I remember. And?" His arms tighten the hold around his chest, carefully preparing for something he doesn't want to listen to.

Danny's well-educated Steve-radar is on top-level, scanning the air, the simmering tenseness. "Now, I say it back to you, Steve. Maybe you're not as alone as you think you are. And I mean that. You've got me, babe."

No response.

But Danny hasn't expected one. Steve answers non-verbally with the way he doesn't shy away from Danny's gentle touch. He allows Danny to pet his hair with slow, barely-there strokes of his fingers. Danny tips his head sideways to look at Steve. Steve's eyes are closed and the chiseled jaw-line stands out sharply with the way he keeps his lips pressed together. Too afraid words could just slip out. 

"Talk to me, Steve," Danny whispers, his fingertips gently graze over Steve's head with the same slow moves as if one would stroke an angsty dog, to beaten up to show any trust. "Don't linger in the shadows alone. I'm here." The soft breeze carries Danny's words away but they are voiced loud enough to be heard.

The shudder is soundless. Danny sees the flutter rippling through Steve's stomach, well-controlled. Everything that bothers him is still bottled-up inside.

And Danny waits. His fingers get braver and Danny's hand sneaks over to the side to cradle Steve's face while his thumb grazes over his forehead, touching his eyebrow.

"What if…" Steve's voice breaks off. The sun's shining brightly and the water droplets dry on their skin during the long stretch of Steve's pause.

Danny waits and keeps petting Steve's face. He senses the stubbles under his fingertips. The pad of his thumb traces the coarse hair of Steve's eyebrow.

"What, Steve? I'm right here, babe. I got you. I'm not going anywhere no matter what you have to say." Danny doesn't move. He soothingly caresses Steve's handsome face where too deep wrinkles show the grief he has to battle.

Danny's fingers massage the spot where Steve's jaw muscle shows as a hard knot. Danny shuts his eyes, overwhelmed, when Steve presses his cheek into the hollow of Danny's palm, seeking touch and comfort. And Danny adjusts his arm, stretches it further so he can hold the side of Steve's face in his hand.

Steve's voice is hoarse, beaten up. "What if Mary is disappointed? What if she's even angry? I'm scared, Danny, scared that my little sis is bitterly disappointed about how her older brother made her sad. It's been a long time since the funeral and I couldn't call her, Danny. I tried and…I'm a coward. I'm sorry." Broken words that stumble over Steve's lips.

Danny's chest burns with the pain he hears in these sentences. "Steve," he gently adjusts his hold on Steve's face, holds on tighter, more obvious. He doesn't dare to scoot closer. Danny's air catches in his throat when he senses how the invisible bond between him and Steve finally gets knitted back together after weeks of fear that the frayed edges might tear completely. "Listen, Steve, you haven't disappointed anyone. Not Mary and definitely not me. Do you hear me? You're an incredibly strong man and you've been through too much to handle everything alone. Mary misses you a lot. She's going to be so happy when you'll call her. You hear me? She'll understand because she knows you."

Steve nods with a jerk. His chest falls and rises with a certain strain to it. Danny knows how it feels to fight tears. It's like to stem against a strong wave.

"You're loved, babe. Mary loves you, your _ohana_ loves you and I love you, too. We're all here for you." Danny has rehearsed those sentences in his mind. It always sounds so different once it's said out loud. He darts Steve a bashful glance. He might be too emotional.

Steve can only deal with a certain amount of raw feelings. Danny's flush creeps over his skin but he grabs his courage by the collar and doesn't let go. Maybe all the love confessions are over the top. He can't tell. He just wants to try everything to make Steve feel better.

"My mother was…special. I guess I always waited for the moment when she would turn back into this mom I remembered having until she died in that car crash. I've never realized how important she was to me, what she meant to me while she was still alive. She was…" Steve stops and Danny sees him swallowing a few times.

Steve moves away from his touch, giving them some distance without turning his head. The pain he endures shows in his body posture, in his strained tendons when he bites the tears back. 

Danny lets him be. "Mothers are the most special persons in a child's life, Steve. It's an agonizing pain to lose their love or to get it back after years of yearning only to find out that there's too little time to live it and to share precious moments. You had never enough time to be with your mom once you got her back. And…and you're still waiting for that moment to happen…but, babe," Danny can't finish his trail of thoughts.

"I was so angry about what she has done to me and Mary after I found out she was still alive. So angry, Danny. I never wanted to see her again. I wanted to cut her off. I wanted to make her pay for what she has sent us through." Steve fights with the hurt young teenager he once was. His words are colored with the wetness of tears. "At least the first five minutes after I met her again, twenty long years later. I'm still mad and I feel guilty about that and I feel guilty I haven't told her that I love her more often. I feel guilty I couldn't save her. I just feel so guilty, Danny, for being not enough, for being too young to understand and…and…" Steve turns his head again to be close to Danny's hand. His tears are almost hot when they drop into Danny's palm.

Danny waits until Steve is ready to go on. He closes his eyes and hopes his touch supports Steve enough. His heart gets crushed with the pain Steve is finally ready to share.

Steve's voice is thick when he continues. "She kept me going, Danny. I always hoped to see her soon again. And I was so sure to get her out of Mexico. I was so sure we could make it. I was so sure she would go with me once I offered her a way out. But she didn't." He breaks off again.

Steve cries silently with his arms still wrapped tightly around his upper body. He doesn't make a sound. The warmth of the sunshine and the beauty of their surroundings couldn't be more of a contrast to Steve's somber, desolate mood. 

"I know, babe. I'm so truly sorry for everything you've lost. So very sorry. But I'm here. Whatever you need, Steve, I'm here for you. Lean on me."

Steve's words carry a nasal tone when he speaks again. "You said some…some, I don't know how to describe it, some super honest but deeply hurtful things last night at the beach." Steve sniffs and clears his throat. 

Danny's arm starts to fall asleep and he pries his hand away slowly and entangles his fingers in Steve's hair instead. "Yes, I said some hurtful things. I know and I also apologize for being super blunt."

"Did you mean them?" Steve moves for the first time and he tips his head back a bit and peeps up to where Danny's lying. He searches for his gaze. "The things you said about me being just the same as my parents, withdrawing, hurting Mary…being reckless, hurting the people I love. Did you mean that? Am I like my mom?" Steve croaks wounded.

Danny meets him with an honest look and locks eyes with Steve, still with his fingers in his hair. He knows Steve's afraid of his answer. He reads it in his anxious look.

Danny exhales with a shudder. "Look, Steve…yes, I meant them. Sometimes the closest friends are bestowed with the awful task to be very honest. And I was honest with you last night. I know it's not easy to be at the receiving end of criticism. I know how much my words have hurt you. And I know you're angry. But I knew that you needed to hear all of it, to get you out of your stupor. You can't turn your back on Mary or Joanie. You just can't, Steve."

Steve has his focus on Danny and he rolls onto his belly, burying his arms under him, not losing eye contact with Danny. And Danny cups Steve's chin and gently wraps his fingers around it before his hand drops away and travels down Steve's shoulder.

He has more to say. "Fate…Life…nobody is punishing you even if it feels that way, babe. It's just all bad luck that you lost Joe last year. I'm so sorry for all your pain, babe. But your mother…she has chosen her way a long time ago. She was always an agent. Her only passion was her work. She put the CIA before her family, her marriage, her children. Her downfall is not your fault. You couldn't have saved her from failing."

Steve's attention is on Danny. He still throws an unsettling truth at Steve. His abs quiver with the well-controlled pattern of breathing. He sweats and knows Steve feels the shaking of this hand that is curled around his shoulder.

Faith shines crystal clear from Steve's eyes. "No one had the courage to come closer, Danny, to talk to me or to even shake me emotionally to get me talking. Only you, Danny. Why?" The traces from tears are still visible but Steve doesn't seem to mind. A lot of emotions swimming in the dark pools of Steve's eyes. It hurts Danny's heart like shards of glass sticking in wounded flesh.

Danny licks his lips. His fingers can't let go of Steve's skin. He watches how his hand slips down his arm and wraps itself around strong muscles and strained tendons right above Steve's elbow. "I faded into you, babe. It has happened a long time ago. I kind of got imprinted." Danny chuckles nervously. Jesus what a choice of words. He briefly pulls his eyes off Steve and checks his surroundings to get his bearing back. "I'm never far away and I'm not afraid of your stonewalling. I'm always right by your side also in your darkest days. Your moods don't scare me." Danny holds his breath and darts his gaze back only to meet Steve's concentrated stare. "I'm a pillar you can lean on, Steve. I don't know why you've still haven't understood that you're not alone."

Steve just breathes and watches Danny intently. "What about Mary?" He croaks. "What shall I do, Danny?"

"Call her, babe. The sooner the better. Invite her and Joanie to Hawaii and just work things out from there. Go visit your mother's grave, be together as brother and sister. Talk to her and maybe you like the idea of her living with you. I don't know. But you have to be with her, Steve. Love is messy but it's still love, and it's worth fighting for."

Steve watches him the longest time. Danny's stomach heats up while his heart wants to beat out of his chest. "What? Did I say something wrong?" Danny mouths the words when the pressure gets too much.

"I, uh, I have never told you this…" Steve starts but cuts himself off.

Danny would want to shout at him or strangle him. He's so nervous he might pass out at any moment. "What, Steve? What have you never told me?" _Could you just talk_? Danny screams in his mind.

Steve pulls his body forward with the force of his elbows to get closer to where Danny is still lying on his back, legs stretched out and head tilted sideways to get a good look at Steve. "I've never told you that you have the same magical effect on me like the deep ocean. You are like the depth of the sea, Danny. You still something in me when everything is too loud…too much…I look at you, I see you and… and…something starts to go silent inside of me until I can breathe again." Steve whispers with his eyes firmly locked on Danny's. He scoots closer, facing Danny's abs. Their bodies form a 'T' with the way they lie on the warm rock. 

Danny can't hide the shudder in his intake. His hand reaches down to hug the side of Steve's face again, the most natural thing for him to do. "I am?" He's afraid if he says more, he might tear up.

"Yeah, you do, Danny." The honest confession throws Danny a bit. "Why have you set up this island trip?" Steve demands to know again with too much rasp in his voice.

Danny studies the universe he sees in Steve's eyes and words come easy, "because I love you, Steve and I can't stand seeing you how you beat yourself up for things that you can't control. Nothing that happened is your responsibility. You can't change fate as hard and as painful as it is. And I want you to know that there's always a tomorrow." 

Steve nods several times. He watches Danny with knitted brows and stormy eyes Danny can't read. "I'm so tired of losing my people, Danny."

"I know, babe, I know." Danny straightens his head and blinks up at the blue sky. His hand travels from Steve's face over his neck to fall away slowly. Life is so unfair.

Danny jumps when the heavy weight of Steve's head presses down on his abs. His back arches a tiny bit at the solid warmth that is Steve's scratchy cheek on his bare skin. Steve relaxes. His head rests on Danny's stomach grounding him, lined up with his abs like two molded halves destined for the single purpose to just fit together. Steve faces the waterfall and Danny stares at Steve's wet hair at the back of his head. Steve's arms are still cradled to his chest and buried underneath him. His neck forms a graceful bow Danny can't take his eyes off.

Danny doesn't dare to breathe with all the sudden intimacy. His hand finds its way back into Steve's hair. He combs his finger through wet strains of dark, short hair. Steve's stubbles sting a bit on his sensitive skin. Danny doesn't even twitch. Steve relaxes gradually. His head gets heavier and heavier and the strained muscles at the back of his neck loosen up. When he exhales Steve's breathe ghosts over Danny's skin.

"Hey, babe," Danny murmurs, "you okay?"

Danny suppresses a groan when instead of an answer Steve begins to drag his face over Danny's skin, leaving burn-marks in its wake. "Whoa, what you're doing?" Danny crunches his abs and lifts his head to make sure he's not hallucinating. His hand travels down Steve's neck and rests flat against his shoulder blade.

The hot press of Steve's lips knocks the air from Danny's lungs. He gasps through a full-body shudder before he decides he's too weak to even lift a finger. He sinks back down. His whole being is centered on that single spot on his stomach where Steve's lips are still kissing his tender skin. 

"God, babe, what do you have in mind, huh?" Danny's spine kind of curls in on itself. The force even makes his toes cramp. "Ahh, ung…" more than syllables aren't forming behind his lips. Danny's eyes fall shut and he can't remember how to breathe.

Steve's skin is hot under his touch. Danny's finger ghost over strained, rock-hard muscles while his belly button gets inspected by warm, damp lips. The moan dies in his throat when the wet, velvety tip of Steve's tongue dips inside to taste the gentle flesh of his navel.

"Jesus, babe," Danny grunts and loses all control over his muscles which buck under Steve's uncommon ministration on his body.

Steve moves his head further up by scratching over his skin, leaving more marks on his way up to the thick mop of blond chest hair.

Danny is ready to die under the Hawaiian sun when the softness of Steve's lips graze alongside the swell of his pec. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you, babe? Huh?" He keeps his eyes shut. He quivers through every single kiss.

"Hm-mm?" Is Steve's only response.

Danny's afraid to lose his mind. He feels the vibration of that sound on Steve's lips which are still pressed to his chest. He wants to touch, to give something back of what unfurls between them but he's afraid to break the spell. His fingers wander back over the strong curve of Steve's shoulder where his hard muscles meet his neck. Danny plays with the soft hair at the nape of Steve's neck.

"Steve, babe," Danny tires again but warm lips crawl closer to a spot that's wired with his cock and he forgets everything else. "What? Oh God, what are you doing?" Danny groans strained, seconds away to lose control over his hips. He wants to writhe and to press up into the heat of Steve's gentle, yet burning kisses.

He loses the fight when Steve circles his nipple with the tip of his tongue. He lowers his mouth to enclose his stiff nub with a wet, hot 'O' formed by searching, tender lips.

"Oh, sweet fuck…babe," Danny quivers helplessly beneath Steve. His back arches gracefully and he digs his heels into the ground to push upwards. He wants to grind, he needs more pressure, more suction. "You got, ah…Jesus fuck, Steve. Fuck…you got…you totally messed up the order, babe." Danny grinds out, fisting Steve's hair with a jerky move. He can't help it. The searing hotness fries his brain. And Steve just worships his nipple. That can't end well.

He senses the smile on Steve's lips more than he sees it. Steve's silent laugh shakes his upper body and he lets go of Danny's well-kissed nipple. "What order, Danny?" He whispers close, He nuzzles the thick hair on Danny's chest with his nose before his head sinks down again. He faces Danny's throat and the mop of chest hair protects Danny's skin from stingy stubbles.

Danny's head is too heavy to lift. He pants and can't file away what's happening. Steve's half-way draped over his chest and the damp skin on his nub feels cool and downright dirty.

Danny swallows but there's no spit left. His arm curls around Steve's head on his chest and tucks him even closer. He smells the sea and the sun in Steve's hair. He gasps. "The order where someone starts to kiss the person's lips first before they even start thinking to suck somewhere else, much less nipples and belly buttons. You can't start…fuck, babe, you can't start there. You can't, you drive me crazy, you crazy, sweet animal." Danny laughs.

Steve's smug smile is followed by a snort. "You want me to kiss your lips?" He asks coyly. 

"Fuck, yes, Steve," Danny throws an arm over his eyes. "Yes." Danny knows there's too much depth to this one single word. But he can't fight his emotions anymore. He has always thought he would be ready but he isn't. He starts to shake. Ten years of waiting don't prepare you for the magical moment when it finally happens.

"Danny," Steve pronounces his name as if he carries the world's biggest treasure in his hands. He doesn't expect an answer and Danny wouldn't have been able to give one.

Steve's kiss is just as gentle and playfully sweet as before when he presses his lips to Danny's. Danny winds his arms around his neck and pulls him down onto his mouth. He tugs at Steve and wiggles until he uncurls his position. Danny drags him over his body to get Steve to settle his long legs between the open vee of his knees. Steve deepens the kiss slowly and with no haste, before he pulls back.

Danny knows his eyes are glittering. The tension drains from his muscles that has held him upright the last weeks. He knows he can't hide the tremble.

Steve studies his face and strokes back his hair. His thumb travels over Danny's forehead before he leans down to press a peck to his mouth. "Hi," he whispers softly.

Danny loves the weight of Steve's body, pressing him to the ground. His hands wander up and down that strong, crazy trained back. He has a semi and smiles up at Steve's shy grin. "Hi, yourself," and just because he can he leans up to kiss Steve long and slow.

"So?" Steve boxes him in, his arms support his weight at either side of his head. Danny feels Steve's excitement, poking his loin.

"So, what?" Danny licks his lips, bathing in this little wonder that is Steve, hovering above him with a smile that speaks of love.

"You're hungry and you look a bit weak."

Danny downright giggles like a girl. "Weak? Really? I look weak? Maybe that's because my body has started to eat itself about two hours ago."

Steve dips his chin and bites back a teasing laugh. "Yeah, that might be it although you need to go days and weeks without food for that to happen."

Danny's hand can't seem to stay away long from Steve's face. He frames it with both hands, his eyes zooming in on plump, moist lips. "Not interested in science right now, babe."

Steve's blush makes him look vulnerable and even more handsome. "Can you make it back to the shack on your paddleboard?" There's a hint of worry in Steve's voice.

"You're kidding, right? How else should I get back where all the food is stashed?"

"I could come back with a backpack filled with emergency food reserves to save you." Steve turns his face to kiss Danny's fingers.

"I know you would do that and that's one reason why I love you so much, you big, handsome goof."

Steve doesn't answer but he shuts his eyes in slow motion and rubs his cheek into Danny's hand. "Let's go then."

"Okay," Danny follows Steve's movement and takes the outstretched hand that pulls him up and onto his feet.

"Let's get our neoprene shirts and off we pop." Steve's hand strokes the small of Danny's back.

They walk back to where they've come from. Danny's stomach hurts from being too empty with way too many exercises since the early sunrise. 

"Watch your steps, Danny. Low blood sugar causes your muscles to be jittery."

"Don't worry about that, Steve. Just get me out of this dark, narrow cave as fast as possible. I know the tide's higher. I don't want to be trapped in there when it's filling up."

"I got you, Danny. We'll be out in no time. I'll pull you out if I have to." Steve climbs back down the entrance. The paddleboards are where they have left them but the water level is higher, much higher.

"Don't overthink this, Danny. C'mon, follow me, the opening is still big enough."

Danny follows hot on the heels and stares only at Steve's paddleboard to keep his slight panic in check. He hates closed spaces. But Steve talks the whole time. He shouts over his shoulder and makes sure Danny's okay. He orders him to look right at him and Danny knows he checks for panic signs, ready to grab Danny any second in case he just freaks in the middle of their way out.

He breathes freely when they bob on the waves a few yards away from the cave on their way back to the shack. Danny's tired and he's starving but Steve seems to be in the same good old shape as always. Danny has no idea from where he draws all that physical strength.

If it hadn't been for Steve and his ruthless pushing to keep going, Danny would have fallen asleep on the board too hungry to care what happens to him.

"Come on, Danny. We made it. Get up, up, up. The fridge is near. I already smell the food and the freshly brewed coffee." Steve drags both paddleboards on the shore and ushers a will-less Danny toward the motorboat. "You sure Kamekona filled the fridge with goods and food?"

"I've no energy left to even brew coffee or much less hot water. I eat the stuffing of the seat cushion. I don't care. My stomach hurts so badly. I don't even care if Kamekona has filled the fridge with his latest awful dessert creation: shrimp with salted caramel sauce or any inedible combination. I don't care. I just want food. Food, Steve!"

Steve laughs and pushes him up the jetty and pulls him onto the boat. Danny flops down on the seat in the narrow space of the galley. It's terribly hot down here but Danny couldn't care less. He rests his head on his arms and only looks up when something cold nudges his arm.

"Eat, but drink some water first." Steve slaps a delicious, super big sandwich in his open hand and offers him an already opened bottle of cold water. 

The water runs down Danny's chin he drinks so fast and greedily. "You're my hero," he gasps between swallows.

Steve smiles at him and takes the water bottle out of his hand. "Next time we won't go without food, that's for sure."

Danny grins at Steve. He bites heartily into his sandwich and moans obscenely while he munches happily. Steve shakes his head and turns around with the same silent smile on his face to brew coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Danny can hardly keep his eyes open. With the full stomach, a buzzing warmth and heavy tiredness follow. Everything they've experienced by the waterfall seems suddenly like one hell of a crazy hallucination. The tenderness, Steve's hot lips on his skin, the desire rising between them…Has he been dreaming? Steve hasn't mentioned a word since they've made it back. It's confusing. Danny scrubs his hands over his face. He's exhausted.

Steve has his back turned to Danny, tidying up the small space in the galley where they've just eaten a rich breakfast. They don't talk much or nothing at all. But Danny experiences the silence as comforting, soothing even. He's antsy and wants to ask so many questions but his mind drifts off and the heavy tiredness befuddles the clear thinking.

He stares at Steve's neck and sips silently the last remains of his second cup of coffee. He sees the sharp line of his tensed-up shoulders. Danny can't decide what it means. Is it a silent sign Steve gives off to ask for distance? Should Danny just get up and loop his arms around Steve's body? Kissing the patch of skin on his back? Danny waits and swallows more coffee. Maybe sleep will help. And maybe Steve's as unsure how to proceed just as he feels? Danny hasn't said so many words either. Stupid. They're both so stupid and clumsy, like inexperienced teenagers. God. Danny keeps his eyes on Steve and hopes he just turns around so he can read everything that's going on off his face. 

Danny's thoughts are wrapped up in soft cotton. It's an endless loop and he doesn't make it to the end of his thoughts. And he can't make himself taking action into his own hands. If he closes his eyes, he still feels the electrifying sensation of Steve's lips firmly against his own. In his imagination, he stands up and steps up to wrap his arms around Steve's waist. He would rub his face into the flimsy shirt Steve has put on after he's shucked off his neoprene shirt.  
Danny's body remembers vividly how Steve's growing hardness got pressed against his crotch. And he knows Steve's noticed too…because, fuck, Danny has been so hot for Steve. So damn turned on and the arousal hasn't subsided a bit. 

But Danny doesn't stand up. He silently plays with the spoon on the tiny table. Do they need to talk? Danny doesn't want to talk. He wants to rip Steve's close off and just make love to him. He wants to fuck him. No talking anymore. Talking is so emotionally draining. Danny's done with it. Actions. He needs more of that because it has happened. Steve kissed him. Damn it! They kissed, equally eagerly engaged in all the tenderness that they couldn't hold back any longer.

The waterfall is an enchanted place and Danny isn't sure anymore if the whole tongue-licking, nipple-kissing and hugging just has happened out of pure magic that took hold of them on this freaking special spot on the island.

And he isn't sure if Steve wants to talk about it. At least not right now, that much Danny reads off Steve's body language. And besides Danny's almost asleep standing upright. It's a funny feeling like being on drugs. He sees what Steve's doing and at the same time he's falling asleep. Not a good moment to tell him how much he loves him and that he just wants to fuck him. 

Danny supports his head by leaning his chin into his hand. His eyes fall shut and he can't open them again. If he can't lay down to sleep, he might cry.

Danny can't decide if it was wrong to just approach Steve with tenderness, and a disarming closeness they have never shared up to this moment. He should just get up and be blunt, maybe a bit rude. Danny should just pull Steve into him, to glide his hand down to his fly and cup his package though his board shorts just to make it clear to Steve what to expect and how Danny feels about him. He would give Steve's cock a good squeeze while he'd whisper some hot shit like 'your mine, babe'. That would be the right move.

Well, the reality is too bright and too raw. Danny can't figure out what he should say to keep an easy small talk going while the hot porn he's plotting for Steve runs in his head on repeat. He stays put and decides to wait until he feels he's gained back all the control he would need to deal with an emotional, turned on Steve.

"Danny, hey, don't fall asleep just yet. Let's get out of here. Hand me your cup." Steve shakes him lightly by the shoulder and plucks the cup from his fingers.

Danny can't remember when he's lowered his head to get into a comfortable position right on the table. "Hmm?" He mumbles and blinks a few times. He's so tired he feels lightheaded. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah, you did. Let's get out of here." Steve folds the dishcloth and hangs it neatly on a hook by the small sink.

"'m sorry, Steve. I've no idea why 'm so tired." Danny unfolds from behind the table. His limbs are heavy as lead. His skin itches from the dried saltwater and he just wants to get into a horizontal position to pass out. His cock still shows what he's been fantasizing about. The heat is a low pulse in his stomach. Danny waits. He can't deal with this right now. Tired. He's so tired.

"We had an adventurous morning and neither of us has slept much last night. And the last few weeks haven't been easy for both of us." Steve avoids looking at him. He carries two bottles of water and climbs through the hatch onto the deck.

"No kidding," Danny follows Steve. He knows his system is crashing. He has been held upright by sheer will to be there for Steve. He has been worried sick and sleep hasn't come often. He's seriously sleep-deprived. His body pays the price. Steve is in better condition. But they kissed two hours ago and Danny wants nothing but to sleep for the next four days. And he wants to wake up and kiss Steve again.

But one step at the time.

"Aren't you tired?" Danny addresses Steve's back when he drags his exhausted body in the wake of Steve's steps. He turns his head and wonders how the paddleboards have found their way high up onto the beach.

"I'm okay. A bit tired though." Steve darts Danny a glance over his shoulder. "Where do you wanna take a nap? At the beach or in the shack?"

"No beach, no sand. The shack's okay. I don't even care if I have to sleep on the floor. I just need to close my eyes for a moment." Danny's answer comes out sharper than intended. Such severe tiredness also has the side effect of losing easily one's temper.

The flash of anger hits Danny unprepared. He has no idea why Steve behaves so distant again. For Christ's sake. Danny walks right into Steve's solid shape. He hasn't noticed that Steve has stopped.

Danny still rubs his nose bewildered before his eyes travel up the broad shield that is Steve's amazing, muscled chest to meet his eyes. What is this look even? Danny's heart skids hard between beats and the nervousness kind of hits his brain like a frag bomb. "What?" He mouthes worried.

Steve pants. Danny can almost follow the trail of heat sneaking its way through Steve's skin. And for the first time, Steve grants him to witness all the raw emotions which shine like splinters of glass in his eyes. Danny needs a moment to figure out that Steve looks scared. His fingers close and open into balled fists, his arms hanging at his side indecisively.

"Steve, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't want to snap at you. Too tired to think coherently." Danny's touch is gentle and appeasing. His fingers dig into Steve's biceps. Danny tries a small smile. "You're with me, big guy? What's with that look, huh?"

"Why would you want to sleep on the floor, Danny?" The words carry a pain Danny knows too well. "I meant it you know? The kiss, at the waterfall, two hours ago?" Steve whispers with furrowed eyebrows. His eyes are stormy and too dark.

Danny grabs Steve by his arms and yanks him close with quite some violence to make a point. He scrunches his eyes shut and kicks the heavy tiredness in the ass. "Steve, Steve. No, no. I mean, yes." Danny senses the swell of Steve's flexing muscles under his hands. The sign of rebellion over hurt feelings. But he tightens his hold and keeps Steve so close he could kiss the hollow of his throat if he just leaned in. "You stay right where you are and you listen to me, Steven J. McGarrett."

"I don't like your tone, Daniel D. Williams," Steve shoots back, voice sharp as a knife and raw. 

Danny hurries to put things right before this big, blind idiot runs to hide in the jungle the second time in twenty-four hours.

"I remember the kiss, you big, bullheaded idiot. I was there, okay?" Danny almost barks with a spunky undertone. "No, you don't pull away and you don't get the chance to run again as soon as the tension rises."

Steve can't hold the gaze and his eyes wander off to watch the ocean. But Danny stays his ground and doesn't allow Steve to move an inch. His muscles go from rock-hard to super-rigid in 0.2 seconds as if he just has given in to his fate. Danny still gets the feeling to hug a piece of stone with his bare hands, god, this guy still trains as if his next deployment is only days away.

Danny throws all caution to the wind and talks as is his life depends on it. "I love you, you dense piece of stubbornness. I know you're hurt, Steve. I know how much it cost you to kiss me. But did you hear what I said back there, on the rock? Really, how much clearer can I be? I love you, Steve. Meaning I'm in love with you for a very long time already and I love you for all the days to come. I love you, meaning I want to be with you day in and day out. And you kind of took me by surprise. And now, just now during breakfast, you haven't said a word about that kiss and I got unsure, okay? I have issues too when it comes to relationships. And what should I think, Steve, huh? I had to sleep on the couch when I came by at your hotel in Washington. I assumed you don't want me in your bed. The way you reacted when we got here? When you saw the mats on the floor? What kind of an impression do you think did I get from your reaction? Huh? And then out of the blue, you kiss me and send my world to spin off into an unknown Nirvana. And then we eat breakfast and no damn word about that kiss and there's not even a touch or anything. And I got unsure. I still am, okay?" Danny kind of really talks loud in the end and he clutches Steve's arms as if he wanted to imprint an uncommon bruise-tattoo.

There's a small, sweet smile spreading out and tugging at Steve's lips. He starts to chuckle. "You don't need a brick to knock someone out, Danny. You have your words and you know how to use them as a weapon." Steve's smoky laugh doesn't help a bit to calm Danny's loud beating heart. 

"That's not even remotely funny!" Danny shakes Steve. "I love you, you doofus and if you don't say it back I might walk into the water just for dramatic reasons and because I'm so sleep-deprived I have an echo in my ears when I hear myself talking." He shouts.

Steve yanks him to his chest and wraps his huge, trunk-like arms around him. "I love you, too, Danny, so much." 

Soft lips caress the shell of Danny's ear and Danny sags against Steve's solid, warm body. He can finally do what he has wanted from the very moment they have set foot on the island. He rubs his face over Steve's shirt and inhales his scent and his warmth. Steve tucks him closer and one hand finds the way into his hair. "I love you, Danny. I love you, I love you."

"Good, I needed to hear that." Danny murmurs into Steve's shirt. "Why didn't you let me sleep in your bed at the hotel?"

Steve kisses his head. "I was in such a dark place, Danny. I couldn't. I couldn't deal with anything and especially not with you being that close. I got kind of…superstitious."

Danny leans his forehead to Steve's chest. It still gets him so sad knowing Steve might be still too scared to love. "Superstitious in if people stay with me, they get killed superstitious?"

Steve inhales shakily as if he's afraid it might be true. "Yeah, something like that." 

"Okay."

"I have a messy life, Danny."

Danny hugs Steve's waist. He sighs and rubs his face over Steve's pecs. "Don't I know that but I love you and I don't care. I don't care, you hear me? Mine is also quite messed up. And no, you're not gonna lose me too, babe. You won't."

"Okay," Steve breathes into his ear. "Okay, I believe you."

"You better. You're not alone, Steve. You never were."

"Thank you," Steve chokes on the emotions and stays silent for a long time. His arms are tightly wrapped around Danny as if he's scared, he would disappear if he wasn't holding on. "Did you fall asleep?"

"I might if we keep standing here like this." Danny slurs with his eyes closed. 

"Let's hit the sack for a few hours. We both need some rest." Steve reaches behind his back and takes Danny's hand in his.

Danny follows him without another word. He feels nauseous from lack of sleep and from an overload of emotions.

Steve pushes him onto the mats and Danny goes willingly. He senses how Steve's fingers curl around his hand before the big black hole sucks him in. Danny's deep asleep within three seconds.

When Danny opens his eyes again the sun has set. The room is bathed in twilight. He turns his head and groans. The situation reminds him of the annoying movie 'Groundhog Day'. He always wakes up in the shack with Steve gone. Danny must have slept at least five hours. He can't believe Steve hasn't woken him up. What the hell?

His first intention is to yell Steve's name as loud as possible for the sole purpose to had him storming back into the shack. Never mind, it's a stupid idea.

Danny grunts and stretches and turns over to face Steve's side. That's when he sees the five blossoms on the pillow that are formed like a star. It's the white Plumeria flower Steve has picked the blossoms from. They're neatly arranged on his pillow. It's a sweet love-sign for Danny. Steve wants to let him know he hasn't just left.

Danny watches the lovely, very uncommon romantic gesture a few moments before he quietly gets up. 

This time he carefully minds his steps and searches for mean water bottles that are placed on the floor. No water bottle for him this time but more flowers and more silent hints from Steve.

The trail of blossoms leads him down the steps and to the words written in the sand 'at the beach'. Danny shakes his head in amused disbelief. He walks the same path to the beach as he did last night. He's still wearing the same clothes and he tries to tame his wild, hairdo while he dodges bushes and low-hanging branches. He has straw-hair from all the salt and the sun but for some reason, he doesn't care much.

Danny smells the fire before he sees it.

He stealthily steps forward and takes in the scenery. His mouth is shaped like an 'O' and he almost shies away struck by awe. The simplicity of what he sees sends his world spinning. The bonfire burns bright and strong, surrounded by a circle of stones, fitting size, and shape. Danny inhales with a gasp when he spots the two large towels spread out wide and… and there are more of the Plumeria blossoms, all scattered around the towels as if they have randomly fallen off of the bushes. 

Danny has a really hard time to breathe because he watches Steve's back and the way he stands close to the water with a beer bottle, just watching the ocean. 

And Danny knows instantly that Steve waits for him.

He's got up earlier to prepare a romantic oasis for them. A love-nest. Heaven help. Danny isn't prepared in the least to process the raging emotions that get unleashed in his chest while his eyes roam over every detail. He also spots the cooler and he knows there's not only a six-pack of beer bottles in there. He bets there's also food for a picnic at the beach. 

Steve has made sure that everything for a romantic date at the beach at night would be ready for Danny. For them.

Danny hasn't felt such raw nervousness since he was in high school and super inexperienced in the flirting field and how to woo the person of his teenage dreams. But Steve stirs all those inappropriate feelings to life. And Danny can't decide to step forward just yet. He keeps staring at Steve's back and the love for this incredible man inflates his heart without a chance to make it stop.

Steve's sixth sense must warn him. He turns around, cautiously and very slowly. "Danny? How long have you been standing there?" Steve hesitates a second before his feet close the gap between him and Danny. "You okay?"

"Hey," Danny wrings his hands. He knows he sounds three seconds away from passing out but he can't hide how important this is.

"Do you want a beer?" Steve lifts his bottle and asks nonchalantly but Danny hears the strain in his voice. Steve's nervous too.

"Yeah, a beer would be great. You, uh, wow, quite a scenery," Danny follows Steve to where the cooler is wedged in the sand. "It's just me here with you," Danny smiles and the hint of hysteria seeps through. He swallows and he's thankful for the cool beer bottle in his hands.

"What do you mean?" Steve slips the lid back onto the cooler and straightens up. He stands really close but watches Danny with a guarded look.

Danny's arm swings at his side and he performs a big circle pointing at everything. "This, uhm, this looks like it's taken right off of a scene from a romantic movie and yeah, hell. I haven't guessed you're the romantic type, babe. Is there a reason why you left flowers on your pillow and why there are flowers everywhere?" Danny makes big eyes and grins at Steve.

Steve performs his thousand-yard stare. It pierces through Danny's behavior with ease. He tilts his head and takes a sip from his beer. Danny can't take his eye off the way this single common move turns into the most seductive gesture. Danny knows he won't make it through the evening. He doesn't know how.

"Cut the act, Danny," Steve says with a calm voice.

"What act?" He's still scared all this might burst like a balloon.

"The act to pretend you don't know what's going to happen tonight." Steve answers and steps closer.

"I, what…okay, Steve, could you…wow, could you please rewind to the moment where you've informed me what is going to happen tonight? Here? At the beach? Because you know, I missed that part… and…" Danny's hand gestures wildly and he rocks back and forth on his heels. He can't believe he slips into stupid caveman talk.

"I mean this act. Cut it, leave it be, Danny. And I'm…" Steve makes sure that Danny won't turn his head. He gently grabs his chin with his fingers. He waits until Danny looks at him. "I'm nervous too, babe, believe me. That's no walk in the park for me either. Everything is at stake, I know that." Steve pins him to the spot with the fire in his eyes. "It's Life's terms, Danny…and we are here and the moment's right. I can't…I don't want to wait. I've…we…it's too much, isn't it?" 

Danny circles his fingers around Steve's wrist and he leans into his touch. He's brave and doesn't draw his eyes away. The flames of fire coat the side of Steve's face with an orange, soft glow. "It's overwhelming, Steve, okay? I get it. I remember well what you've said to me in that hotel room." Danny shuts his eyes and although he breathes his lungs aren't able to filter the air into his blood. Breathing isn't easy. "I'm, look, Steve, I'm scared and I, god, I, uh, I just don't know what to do, where to start. Okay? I feel like a clumsy six-teen-year old teenager again. And I don't like it." He finally gets out.

Steve leans in and presses the softest of kisses to his lips before he pulls back a little.

Danny's knees threaten to give out and he traces his lips with his tongue. "There, that's…god, Steve, where did you learn to be so bone-meltingly sweet? I, shit, I can't wrap my head around the fact that you scatter flowers on the floor just like bread crumbs to show me the way, okay? I expected…I don't know? Twigs? Knives? But flowers? It's the big load of romance that's kind of a knockout. I've never thought you could be the flowery, let's roll around in the sand with a fire going kind of a guy. It's…uhm, it's a lot to take in." Danny rambles. He might have a romantic shock. 

Steve cups Danny's cheek in his hand. "Listen to me, Danny," Steve talks with this hoarse, broken voice. His words are chopped and Danny knows Steve deals with emotional overload, too.

"I'm listening, Steve. I'm here. I'm with you."

Steve works his jaw and his lips thin out for a moment but his hold on Danny's face is just the softest of touch. His thumb grazes over Danny's stubbles. "You are always there for me, Danny. No matter what hellhole I'm in, you always come to get me out, to bring me home. You always take care of me. Always…" Steve's voice breaks away.

"It's okay, babe, that's because I love you," Danny whispers into this tense, overloaded mood, that's so thick with emotions that all air seems to be sucked off. 

The world has narrowed down to one single spot, the place where Danny meets Steve's eyes. Where he finally sees the soul-deep love, Steve carries for him. 

Steve looks nervous. "I know you like romance. You're a romantic guy and this…this is for you." Steve shakes his head and silences Danny before he interrupts Steve's thoughts." Let me be here for you, tonight. You have to do nothing but to be with me. Just be with me, Danny." Steve pleads with a dignity Danny can barely stand.

"I'm here, right by your side, babe. Yes, I'll be with you, of course, I will. I just…I'm nervous and I'm no young man anymore. I can't…shit, I don't want to fail you…and I already feel embarrassed because you're you, okay Steve? Unbeatable, a freaking machine because of how your body works. It contradicts every physical law. I don't know if I can keep up with you and I just…I'm nervous. What if I can't perform?"

Steve sighs but Danny gets a glimpse of that small, sweet smile again before Steve kisses him with more passion this time. But he pulls back again before the kiss spins out of control. "Danny, hey, babe. I mean it, look at me and listen carefully. No competition when it comes to sex. I'm past forty too. It's not that easy for me either with my medical record and all. I know what you're talking about okay? We don't have to go all the way. I just want to feel you. Would that be okay?"

Danny folds in on himself with all the tenderness Steve forces him to deal with. "Everything for you, Steve, you know that. Everything is okay for me, whatever you wish." Danny traces with his fingertips along the swell of Steve's biceps and over the ink under his skin. He darts his gaze back and catches Steve admiring him with a rawness Danny can hardly stand.

"Babe," Danny mouthes.

"What?" Steve's look is narrowed down to Danny's lips.

Danny clears his throat and swiftly gets rid of their beer bottles. They only would get in the way. He places them in the sand and stands up straight again, stepping into Steve's waiting arms.

"Can we go back to the kissing part? I start to feel a bit dizzy and if you keep staring at me like that I might pass out."

"You like it?" Steve's touch is solid. He hugs Danny's neck and pulls him closer. "Hmm? Babe? Do you like it?"

"Fuck, yes. Is that even a question?" Danny's eyes fall shut when Steve's breath ghost over his mouth. Steve's lips are warm and soft. The moan that slips into Steve's mouth could also be a relieved sob. The knot of tension unravels under the gentle caressing Steve performs on Danny's skin.

Danny's back arches gracefully when Steve hesitantly licks his way into his mouth. Danny's front is plastered to Steve's and they walk backward in slow-motion. Danny gives in and hands over the lead to Steve. He smells and tastes and senses only Steve.

Steve's hairy thigh nudges between his legs and hard muscles get pressed with a measured force to his groin. Danny's knees give out. Steve's strong arms keep him safely cradled to his chest. Curious and gentle fingers card through Danny's hair and stroke the back of his head.

Like the best dance partner ever Steve leads and every small step is performed with skilled accuracy and the care that grows from deep love.

Danny wants more of Steve's mouth, pushing his tongue deeper. He frames Steve's head with his hands. Danny hasn't heard himself making that deep sound of want but Steve leaves him no chance to keep his walls up. When Steve makes him lay down on the towel Danny gasps. He tears his lips away, breaking their kiss. He loses control over his body fast. 

Steve hovers over him on all four, his arm still wrapped solidly around his waist. He hauls Danny higher up on the towel, dragging his lips over Danny's throat. Danny knows that the strongest aphrodisiac is Steve's dark moans, the ones he has fantasized about but never could have imagined how damn hot they would sound. Shivers of lust ripple though him and make his abs quiver. His dick is half-hard, pulsing with a sensation Danny hasn't had in a long time. 

"Steve, babe," Danny whispers. His hands tug at the top Steve's wearing. 

"I'm here," Steve murmurs into his ear before he nibs at the sensitive skin of his earlobe, grazing with his lips over his tender flesh right behind his pulse point. 

"You're killing me softly with what you're doing, babe," Danny rucks up the shirt and pulls it over Steve's head. 

Steve's molasse-thick chuckle makes Danny's hip buck. "I want to make you feel good. I wanna see your skin soaked in sweat when you're hot for me. And Danny?"

"What," Danny half-slurs, with his eyes hooded. His heart beats stamps into his breastbone.

"Would you come for me?" Steve's smoky voice undoes Danny with no chance to keep a clear mind.

His head tilts back and he groans like he is in pain. "Ung…oh god, fuck," Danny pushes up to meet the flat of Steve's hand, that travels under his shirt, moving upward, rubbing the sweat into his skin. His hips grind lazy circles against Steve's strong thigh, the one he still keeps gently pressed between Danny's legs.

"Say it, babe, make me fool good," Steve cooes.

Danny's breath stuck in his throat. He stops everything and goes very still. Steve's head jerks up and they freeze in the middle of their movements. The fire sends dancing shadows over their skin and their eyes glow in the half-darkness, where the flames get reflected in the blackness of their pupils.

Danny drinks in the wild desire that shows on Steve's face. His hands come up to hug Steve's jawline. Dany can't resist. He lifts his head and kisses Steve with a hunger, freshly awaken by sheer lust. Steve's tongue is velvety and moist. Danny gets drunk on the wetness and the lewdness of how his body reacts to Steve's touch.

"I'll come for you, babe. Fuck, everything you want," Danny sucks the rumbling groan right off Steve's lips.

"Shit, Darling, Oh, god, say it again." Steve fumbles with Danny's shirt and pushes his up and yanks it over Danny's head. He hooks his finger under the waistband of Danny's shorts and meets his eyes. "Say it again," Steve begs. 

Darling? Fuck. "Make me come, babe," Danny grabs Steve's arms and forces him to move his shorts down. Danny pushes his hips up and he feasts on the heated look Steve takes in his bulge.

"God, Danny, I will," with one single move Steve yanks Danny's shorts off. 

Every muscle in Danny's body tenses up. His dick is meaty and twitches under the intense ministration at close range. Danny orders himself to lie still, to let Steve watch. Danny isn't shy about his body but it's Steve who kneels before him, pulling his board shorts over his knees and who doesn't take his eyes off his semi-hard cock.

The admiration on Steve's face sends Danny flying into a spiral of greed. Lust licks like hot, melted sugar over his skin, leaving burn marks in its wake. His cock fills with blood and Danny can watch it grow and how it gets thicker the longer Steve keeps looking.

"Jesus, babe, you're so beautiful." Steve murmurs when both his hands find their way onto Danny's thighs. He rubs them up and down. The span of his hands seems huge and he almost can hug the upper side of Danny's thighs. He sneaks up and Danny's abs tremble hard under the strain to keep his hips motionless.

"Steve, I haven't had a shower since yesterday morning. I smell like salt and rubbery neoprene and sweat, I guess." Danny presses out from tight lips. "'m sorry. I… it's not a sexy thing to say. And fuck, babe, you're definitely making me nervous."

Steve doesn't stop to stroke Danny's thighs. His eyes drift over every inch of Danny's groin what has exactly the opposite effect of calming. Danny lies there a bit stiff and his hips stutter to a halt. Steve's gaze crawls over Danny's body like a flame, accelerating his heartbeat. "Let go, Danny. Don't overthink this. It's me and you." Steve watches Danny closely while his hands don't stop their way up only to rest in the crook of where his thighs meet his groin. Steve's thumbs play with the thick pubic hair down there. "Let go, babe. I got you. Just…let go," Steve says in a smoky, beseechingly tone.

Danny forces his body to fall into the desire that reaches up from the depth of his stomach, pounding like a bass. He trusts Steve, with his life and he wants this, so badly. "Okay, okay," Danny grinds out, his eyes falling shut. He drowns out every other thought about odd smells and the qualms that Steve might not like how his bare flesh might taste. Danny gives into the soft, constant and bewitching strokes. His hard and his hips jerk without the chance to gain back control.

Steve's fingers dig into firm flesh and his fingertips play with the coarse hair that covers Danny's skin. "You don't have to worry, babe, I smell just the same and," Steve darts his eyes at Danny, "open your eyes, Danny, look at me," he makes sure Danny sees him. He drills his gaze into Danny's when he adds almost playfully, "I won't eat you out, tonight, babe. That's for next time." 

Danny gasps when lust strikes him like a blow. And then he almost wails and the tight leash he has had on his hip tears apart. Like a snake, he lazily moves under Steve's hands. 

"That's it, Danny. That's what I want. Let go. Show me how I make you feel." And then Steve lowers his mouth.

The hot wetness that is Steve's mouth wrapped around his cock comes so unpreparedly, Danny would have jabbed him with his knee if Steve hadn't pinned him to the ground. "Oh god, Steve. Shit, fuck, what the…" Danny's hand shoots up and his fingers gab as much of Steve's hair as he can clench just to hold on to something. His other hand can't find any grip in the loose sand. "Steve, fuck, Steve…"

The vibration of Steve's humming makes him push his dick up into Steve's mouth. The tip of his cock grinds against a part of Steve's throat and Danny groans. "What the fuck, babe?" Danny is taken by surprise. He can't keep up with the velocity of how his lust rises in his body. It's almost violent.

Steve finds a rhythm and sucks his cock in long, regular motions. He has thrown one arm across Danny's abs to keep him down, inhibiting jerky, too sudden moves by Danny's hips.

Danny shouts at some point and his moans are painfully loud. "Steve, take it down a notch, please. Fuck, what the fuck are you doing down there?" He gasps and stutters with the force he has to fight with. "I can't fucking breathe, I can't…Steve, please," Danny's back is bent. He seeks more friction and at the same time, he wants to withdraw with the overstimulation and this overload.

Steve lets go of his cock and wraps a hand around his wet shaft, pumping on with the same, seductive rhythm. One hand skids up the side of Danny's torso tweaks a nipple before he hugs Danny's face and forces him to meet his eyes. "I'm here, babe. I take care of you. Let me…just let me do this for you."

Danny's body twitches with the shudder that ghosts through his muscles. "I try, Steve, I…it's, god…I love it but why are you still wearing your damn shorts. Take them off. I wanna see you too, wanna see that fine ass when you suck me off."

Steve's out of his board shorts the second Danny finishes his sentence. He's about to go on with his blowjob but Danny stops him. "Wait, babe," he has Steve sit back on his heels, both of his hands rest on each of his thighs. Steve smiles bashfully but holds still for Danny to just watch. He kneels in between the open vee of Danny's legs.

Danny sits up, supports his upper body with one hand and caresses with the knuckle of his other hand Steve's pecs. He rubs over solid muscles and the sexiest six-pack Danny has ever touched. Steve's cock is as beautiful and as perfect as everything on his body. He's semi-hard and this view calms Danny a lot. He has still had doubts about Steve's stamina. He hasn't been sure to believe him that he's grown older too, fighting against age and the lack of getting hard fast and instantly. But Steve faces the same issues.

"Like what you see?" Steve asks in a teasing tone as if he might be insecure about how Danny reacts.

Danny's not in the mood for jokes. This is it. This is real and they both owe each other a severe honesty. Steve meets him with the same trust he has asked from Danny. "You're so beautiful, the most handsome man I've ever seen, babe," Danny says with a voice full of admiration.

And Steve only watches him. His eyes flicker over Danny's face while Danny's fingertips travel over Steve's body, tracing the ink under his skin. Danny wants to bite Steve's flesh, wants to taste every inch of his body. Danny wants to lick and to suck and he bites his lips when his fingers circle around Steve's stiff nipple. He watches with growing hotness how Steve's cock jerks while Danny plays with his erogenous zones. It's intoxicating to listen to Steve's low moans that are only meant for Danny to hear.

"Can we do it together?" Danny lies back down and pulls Steve with him.

"We can try?" Steve stretches his long limbs and settles his body between Danny's legs.

"Can we kiss first?" Danny eyes Steve's beautiful face.

But Steve doesn't answer. They take it slower. The kisses are softer and they allow each other to explore. They don't have lube and Danny knows spit is the only slick that makes the gliding easier. But it won't be enough for both of them. He whispers sweet nothings in Steve's ear when Steve wraps his long fingers around their cocks.

Steve smiles against Danny's lips. He nibbles at his lower lips and they share the same air. Danny lets his hand wander over Steve's strained back, sensing the play of his muscles when he rocks his hips to rub their dicks together. He pushes his hips into Steve's grip, arching his neck and gets lost in the way Steve's devours his throat. He cradles Steve's head and lets go. 

"It's getting too dry, Danny." Steve kisses him soundly on the mouth and shuffles away, dragging his lips over Danny's chest down to lick a broad, wet strip alongside his cock. 

They don't talk and Danny watches Steve's lips and the way his back is arched while he bends his head, gifting Danny with the best blowjob he's ever had. Steve has stamina in the way he hollows his cheeks and sucks long and ongoing. He gently rolls Danny's balls in his hand. Steve plays with him, his mouth a solid channel on his cock and one hand pumps in the same movement as his head bobs. His other fingers slip between his cheeks, spreading them only slightly to come up again to take his sack in his hand, rolling his balls softly. 

Danny feels the rising pressure when his orgasm starts to build. It takes longer as when he masturbates but the moment, he feels it rising he falls into this energy that coats his groin from the inside. "Steve, babe, I'm close. I'm close…if you don't want to…I'm about to come…Steve babe," Danny's fingers play with his nipples as his climax gushes its energy into his body. He comes hard with Steve's lips still wrapped solidly around his pulsing dick.

For a moment Danny feels detached from reality. He lies bare ass naked on a towel at the beach of a deserted island, with Steve swallowing down his cum while he moans through an intense release. He almost laughs but at the same time, he's emotionally overwhelmed to a point where his eyes prickle.

He pulls Steve back on top of his tingling body. They hold each other with an understanding that goes a long way back into their past. Danny shares a heated kiss with Steve. His arm is looped around Steve's neck when he makes him turn over, guiding him with pushes. Danny makes him follow his body. Danny cover's Steve's heated skin with his weight. He lines his head up against the strong curve of Steve's neck.

"I want you too, babe," he spills the words between the soft pecks he places on Steve's lips.

Steve doesn't answer he only pushes Danny down and lifts his hips. He takes his cock in hand and waits for Danny to swallow it. Steve watches him propped up on his elbows. Danny delves into the sensation of Steve's cock sliding between his lips. Steve's touchy. He traces his cheeks with his fingers, demanding to feel the bulge in Danny's cheek when he pushes in deeper. 

"Danny," Steve whispers between astonished gasps.

Danny nudges Steve's legs wider apart and gets off on the thrill of how Steve follows his orders. "I love you, Darling. Love you so much."

Danny hasn't expected Steve to be so vocal. His deep moans telling Danny how much he likes it. Danny sucks until his jaw aches and the spit runs down Steve's cock. He takes a break and works Steve's cock with his fist, trying to get every hint of how Steve needs it and likes it to come.

"Danny…oh god," Steve digs his heels in the sand and Danny watches how the cum spills over his fingers when Steve finally comes. 

"Come here," Steve tugs at his arm and Danny goes willingly.

He falls into Steve's embrace and for long moments they don't talk but breathe against each other's skin. The fire has burnt down and the logs are glowing red with heat.

Steve kisses his face and turns his head to find his mouth. "Are you up for a short skinny dipping to get clean?" He asks with a raspy voice.

"Yeah, but I don't swim out to deeper water. I want to feel the ground and you stay close." Danny tells Steve while they untangle their limbs and get on their feet.

"I have no intention to do anything crazy right now. I want to wash off the spunk and after that, we go back and just sleep. You okay with that?" Steve takes Danny's hand. They walk down to the water. 

Danny stops him. The waves already wash over their feet. The words are stuck in his throat. He just…he just needs a moment. He has a super 'The Blue Lagoon' flash. For real this time. Jesus. And he might be damn high from what they just did. They've just had sex on the beach and…Danny needs a moment. He's not ready to let go of anything yet. The night, the bright stars at the night sky, the privacy, him and Steve and no one else, the freedom…he…the sex, the way they stand there naked and just bathe in the afterglow of a damn life-altering orgasm. It's just…

Steve senses the fragile emotional state Danny fights to control. "We can come back, Danny. We can't have that at my private beach. It's not that private. But I'd love to return to have this special moment with you over and over again."

Danny nods. He doesn't trust his voice just yet. He squeezes Steve's hand. The post-coital bliss hasn't worn off yet. Danny feels shaky and the beauty of the moment is a bliss he will treasure forever. 

Steve watches him with his head turned. He steps even closer. "We can make this to our official anniversary trip if you're okay with it."

Danny nods again, bobs his head but words still fail him. His throat is jammed with all the emotions he's still feeling, knowing that they stand stark naked at the beach, skin almost glowing in the starlight from above, holding hands. He loves Steve so much. "Will you be okay when we get back to Oahu, babe? Will you…do you feel different? I mean stronger? That's not…sorry, Steve. What I want to ask is…"

Steve interrupts him. "I won't slip back into darkness. You won't lose me to the depression. It's different now, Danny. You're with me."

"That's," Danny's eyes wander off into the distance. "That's great, babe. I know it won't just go away. It's still here, the sadness and all but I want to be there for you, Steve. Please, let me in…don't hang me out to dry. Not anymore." Danny aims for a neutral tone but his voice quivers.

Steve stays silent. He wraps his hand tighter around Danny's. "Will you come with me to the airport when, you know, when they'll come?" Steve smiles around his words and adds hushed, "it's a bit awkward to say their names with the lack of clothes on and all."

Danny grins. "Yes, I'll be there and we talk about this later, babe. I don't want to squirm and suppress this buzzing in my body that comes from your blowjob."

Steve hums and huffs a laugh. "When do we have to go back?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, I've planned to last this trip that long. We don't have much food left. Kamekona would come out here to re-stack our fridge. But we've still got the night and the whole morning tomorrow."

"Would you want to go back to the small lake. Let's hike there. We'll take some food with us and something to drink. I'd love to jump off that rock again."

Danny body-checks Steve lightly. "You'll lose again, babe. Don't keep your hopes up."

"The bets on?"

"I'm in."

"And what does the winner get?" Steve asks with a husky voice.

"Sex and sweet kisses, babe," Danny answers without a second thought.

Steve pulls Danny into a full-body hug and bites down on the strong cord of his neck muscles. Danny shouts and laughs. They run into the surf and dive into the shallow waves. 

Steve's hands are all over him. Danny gets pulled into his arms and Steve captures his mouth and kisses him hot and heavy, almost eating his face off. And Danny can finally give in to the hotness that is Steve's slick, wet body. Danny rubs his chest against silky skin and everything that is Steve's seductive, lustful body when he's wrapped up in strong arms. Danny melts against Steve's mouth. Steve kisses him with a touch of disbelief and a reverent silence as if Steve has to make sure that it's real, that this is happening like in a freaking, romantic movie right under the night sky of Hawaii.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, guys! You rock my world with your wonderful comments and the love you pour over my head. I'm so happy to have you all with me on this ride. I'm not done yet. There's an epilog because I always have to make sure the boys are alright with how life continues. Stay with me. Thank you all so much for your fabulous support. Love you!


	9. Chapter 9

**One week later**

The hustle and bustle in the bookstore is almost unsettling. Thanksgiving is this Thursday and Steve has chosen today of all days to go and buy some more presents for Joanie. Danny knows Steve dislikes any large crowd of people just as much as he does. But he's positively surprised to find Steve deeply immersed in a children's book, completely ignoring the hectic mess happening around him.

Danny slows down to admire the love of his life. Steve looks relaxed, the tension is barely there anymore. And that, that floors Danny in a way he could have never imagined. The wonder of their mutual, deep love for each other is still an unfolding miracle that plays with Danny's soft heart.

They've known each other for ten years and that's a plus, of course, it is. But anyway, god, to love this darling man with all Danny's got, openly, equally committed…wow, that's a hell of an enchanted trip. Love, a word that contains a whole new universe he hasn't known existed. Danny can't even start to describe that feeling with words. It wouldn't do any justice to how beautiful and fulfilling it is. Every day is just good, great, unnerving, messy, sometimes difficult, still filled with sadness sometimes but regardless it's breathtaking because he's with Steve. 

They're together and Danny knows it's going to be like this always. For all the days to come. It's going to be good. The fucking best ever. 

A good night's sleep is still precious because it doesn't happen often. Sleep doesn't come easily for Steve. The images he carries in his memory, burned-in forever, have him jerk awake, panting and drenched in sweat. But he doesn't flee from the painful feelings, the nightmares. He doesn't leave. Steve stays in bed. He wakes Danny or he crawls closer and wraps his body around Danny like a blanket.

Danny is his anchor. He's always there to grab Steve's hand and to pull him back to where love wins over guilt and hurt, and to where love keeps this pain at bay that still tugs strongly at Steve's heart. Danny's the one Steve turns to when darkness creeps in again. They fight it together.

They haven't discussed yet how they want to handle the living arrangements. It's not the most pressing topic. It hasn't come up at all, to be honest. And Danny hasn't really returned to his place since they're back. He has kind of settled in at Steve's. Everything is new. They just gravitate to each other like magnets. It has to be the same bed they sleep in, that's the important detail and not where it stands. 

Yeah, and on top of this, there's also this abnormal hormonal induced trip. Jesus. Danny's cock can't keep up with what he wants to do with Steve like all the time. Especially after a difficult night, Steve needs to feel he's alive. He needs the opposite of somber. He needs proof that he can fight the lingering shadows…and this leads to rough sex at the crack of dawn. And this…damn, this is highly intoxicating. Holy shit. The sex, yeah, the sex is freaking great. Danny's constantly high on all the fancy stuff his body produces since he's with Steve. Steve makes him lose his mind one day. Danny's so turned on, _all the damn time_. 

Danny leans against the shelf and sucks at his bottom lip to tame the bright smile on his lips. He must look like a dork with heart-eyes as big as Kansas.

So, yes, a lot has changed since they've come back from the island.

But the very first thing Steve set right after they were back, was the 'he forgot to feed Eddie' incident. Danny knows how guilty Steve still feels about the fact that he didn't take care of his dog, that Eddie was hungry and that Steve didn't listen to his whining. It still messes with his emotions and Eddie benefits from a guilty, a bit heartbroken Steve and his way to set things right with his furry friend. To sum it up Steve spoils Eddie rotten. He cooks for Eddie…chicken, beef and there are treats, lots of treats. Too many of them. Belly rubs are on the daily menu, long walks too. Steve romps around in the garden with Eddie. He even takes him for a swim. He's purchased a special lifejacket for Eddie to do that.

And Eddie? He's in doggie paradise, enjoying the hell out of every moment. If Eddie's happy, Steve's happy and that makes Danny happy. 

Okay, time to stomp the brakes on all the emotional musing. Danny takes a deep breath with a smile on his lips and walks over to where Steve's still reading like he's forgotten about the world. He touches him gently and his hand rests at the small of Steve's back. Danny has to call his name twice. "Steve, hey, earth to Steve."

"Danno. Hi, babe. Do we need to go?" Steve doesn't take his eyes off the page he's reading.

"Yeah, we have to leave. Traffic will be gruesome around the airport during this time of the year. Mary's and Joanie's flight is landing in two hours. So, yes. We're leaving now, babe."

"Okay, okay, coming." Steve balances the stack of books with one arm and shoves the one he's been reading back onto the shelf.

"Hand me those books before you drop them. You gonna buy the whole bunch?" Danny plucks the heavy pile from under Steve's arm. "Why do you buy all the Harry Potter volumes? Don't you want to read one at the time? Are you sure Joanie is into Harry Potter? The story is good but not sans violence." Danny inspects the books Steve wants to take home.

"Yeah, she is. Mary said Joanie loves the magic stuff. Mary emailed me a list of all the books Joanie likes. Harry Potter is number one on that list and I want to be prepared." Steve's concentration is still on the book he's just shoved back but he pulls it out again. He turns it to read the back page.

"What's with that book? Why don't you buy that one?" Danny lenses over Steve's upper arm and skims the text. "Hey, that's Moby Dick." He whispers.

Steve exhales controlled. "Yes, it's Moby Dick."

Danny knows it's a sensitive topic and he feels the slight shift in Steve's mood. He goes for wrong assumptions to break up the emotionally loaded thoughts a bit.

"Babe, you can't read that one to Joanie. Too much killing and hunting and dying animals in this one. That's not something little girls should listen to before they go to sleep." Danny's busy to decipher Steve's expression. His hand sneaks back to his lower back, resting there for comfort.

Steve makes an annoying sound. "How could you even think…? Of course, I wouldn't read that one to my little niece. It's too brutal, no…" Steve holds the book with both hands, "it's…I want to buy it for me." He nods and side-eyes Danny.

Danny always senses when Steve's touched and emotionally upset. It's still happening often but Steve tries hard to share. He tries not to ostracize Danny from his thoughts and Danny loves him even more for giving all the effort. "Buy it, Steve. Don't overthink this. Moby Dick connects you to the good memories you shared with your mother. Just buy it." Danny stays close and talks calmly and quietly enough not to be overheard. He presses a quick, soft kiss to his upper arm.

Steve's lips are a hard line and he flashes a short, forces smile at Danny. "I just…I just wanna have it. I miss her." Another silent sigh follows. Danny just waits. He rubs his hand in soothing circles over Steve's shirt. 

"I know. It's okay, babe. Just buy it." 

Steve's knuckles are white with how hard he grips the book as if someone tried to snatch it from his hold. "I need to have it, Danny, even if it only lies on my nightstand. And maybe…maybe I'm gonna read it. The last time I've held 'Moby Dick' was when I was thirteen when my mom read it to me. I just wanna have it."

Danny strokes the book cover with the flat of his hand. "I might…if you like that, I could read it to you?" He says hesitantly. His eyes roam questioningly over the side of Steve's face when he doesn't respond. "Only if you're okay with it, babe. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Danny speaks gently but he senses the twitch in Steve's back muscles. Maybe this is too soon. Ah, he should have waited to suggest that.

"Too soon, babe?"

Steve breathes a bit shallowly. "No…it's…I'd like that, Danno. Maybe I need some time before I'm okay with it but…"

"Good, that's sounds good. No rush. But take it home. Buy it." Danny needs to draw Steve's focus away from that book. It stirs so many happy moments to life that are lost forever and connected to a terribly painful time in Mexico. The impact still causes Steve a deep pain. Danny reads the silent message from the way Steve clenches his jaw. "What other books are you buying for Joanie?"

Steve lifts every single one when he shows them to Danny, making Danny shuffle his feet to keep the balance with the changing weight of the stack of books in his arms. "Okay, Joanie's favorite seems to be Harry Potter. I've never read one of those. I have no idea. But Mary won't let her see the movies and so far, she hasn't found the time to read them to her. So, I'll buy all seven." Steve announces proudly. 

"You gonna read them first?" Danny asks and wiggles one of the books in his hand. 

"Yes, sure, I need to know what Joanie will take to her sleep." Steve eyes the other books. "Have you read them?" Steve cocks his head and curiously looks at Danny.

"Yeah, in fact, I did. All of them."

"Really? You read Harry Potter?"

"Yeah, Gracie was crazy about Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley and all the magic stuff. The first book's okay but it's going to be super crazy super-fast, and you really have to read them to make sure Joanie won't have nightmares. But be prepared that she'll want to be a wizard after the first volume. And she might want to own a wand and a cloak and all that stuff."

Steve plucks the book from his hands. "You're making fun of me, right? You're kidding, aren't you? Maybe, I should better go for Moby Dick then?"

Danny laughs. "You'll enjoy the wizard's world, babe and no I'm not kidding. I'll have my fun watching how Joanie's going to twist you around her little finger. But hey, you still have these ones," Danny reaches for another book Steve's about to buy. "Federica de Cesco. Wow, never heard of that author."

Steve pulls Danny with him when he begins to walk to the front desk. "Mary says Joanie's also crazy about horses and this author writes about girls and horses. So, I'll need to have them, too."

"You're her favorite uncle anyway, babe."

"Do you think she's gonna like it?" Steve asks with a worried voice.

"Reading to her? She's going to love it, babe. C'mon, let's hurry. People queue up at the cashier and we really have to get out of here. Are you done? Do you need more books?"

Steve presses Moby Dick to his chest. "No, I'm good. I just want my niece to have a good time."

Danny nudges Steve toward the cashier. "You don't have to worry about that, Steve. Your niece is going to love the time you'll spend with her. And you're sure Mary's okay with me staying over too?" Danny lowers his voice the moment they join the queue. No one needs to eavesdrop on their private conversation.

Danny hears the smile in Steve's voice when he whispers. "Mary told me that she had always a hunch that we're more than just surf buddies. And that was about nine years ago, or even ten."

Danny shoots him a bewildered look with his eyebrows furrowed before they climb up and almost vanish in his hairline. "Are you serious right now?"

"Yep and she also wants to have a movie night with us." Steve fishes his wallet from his pocket.

"Oookayy? What kind of movies would that be?" Danny asks, his voice dripping with suspicion.

Steve kind of squirms. He purses his lips and stretches them again, looking a bit abashed and doesn't answer.

Danny gasps a bit just for the effect to be dramatic and also for disguise. "She wants us to watch some romantic tearjerker, doesn't she?" Danny reads the answer in Steve's eyes. "Why? Why do you let her do that to us?" Danny shuffles forward and checks the surroundings. He hasn't filled Steve in yet about the sappy movies he loves to watch. 

Everyone is busy and no one pays too much attention to two guys talking animatedly in hushed voices. 

Steve's face tries to hide the apologetic nature. He bends down to whisper in Danny's ear. "I owe her, Danny. She was so upset when I've finally called her back. I promised that I'll make it up to her. Anything she wants, okay? You can't let me watch the cheesy stuff all alone. I need some moral support. And we have to invite her and Joanie to this nice place we stayed last time. You know when Aunt Deb was with us and sang that song?"

Danny doesn't get the chance to answer. It's their turn at the cashier.

"I can take them, Danny." Steve protests.

"You'll drive, I carry the books. Come on, we need to go." Danny ushers him out the door.

Steve plays with the key in the ignition but he doesn't start the car yet. Danny shifts on his seat and tilts his head to look at him. Steve leans over and kisses Danny softly. "Thank you."

"Babe, you okay? Need to talk?" Danny rubs his hand over Steve's thigh.

Steve ducks his head. "I'm nervous, Danny."

"Hey," Danny says softly, "that's okay. It's okay to be nervous. It's going to be emotional. Mary might cry and maybe you might, too. That's all. You know she won't blame you for anything."

Steve stays quiet. His look wanders over the parking lot. He does that thing with his lips and Danny knows, Steve's wrestling with his emotions, keeping them in check, already steeling himself not to lose control.

Danny massages Steve's neck, digging his fingers into hard, sinewy muscles. "Mary needs her older brother and you'll be there for her. Joanie will talk for the two of you. I'm sure she's so excited to see you again. And I'm right by your side, babe."

Steve leans his body against the closed car door with his arm propped up on the window. His fingers cover his mouth. He clears his throat. "Yeah, okay."

"You'll be fine, babe but…we really have to go." Danny's fingers hug Steve's strong neck.

Steve shifts in his seat, he casts a glance over to Danny with a face that says he wants to ask something but hasn't made up his mind where to start.

"What is it, Steve, huh?"

Steve presses his head back into Danny's hand. "Can we, uhm, I would love to go back…visit the island again, soon. Maybe, maybe after the Christmas break? Mary has said she's not ready yet to go there. I'll show her the pictures but…I need some more alone time with you."

Danny stores that away for later. This wish puts a big smile on his face and makes his heart jump in his chest. Oh boy, yes! "Whatever you need babe, I'll talk to Kawika." Danny tames his excitement. 

"Mary has time to settle in. She has agreed to think about it, you know, moving back to Hawaii. She hasn't said yes, yet." Steve sounds worried.

"Don't pressure her, Steve. Give her time. She and Joanie stay over Thanksgiving and they'll come back for Christmas. Enough time to remember what it could feel like to be living here again."

"I want her and Jojo to stay." Steve inspects the car key again. The little boy inside Steve's soul shows himself for a flash of two seconds. "I just…I want her close Danny. I want to help her decide. I really hope Mary feels home again when she stays longer, over the holidays it's always more intense. She'll meet our _ohana_. She knows a lot of our people already. I hope she can make up her mind."

It always hits Danny square in the chest to witness the vulnerable side of Steve's broken heart. Danny smiles and tries to cover up his sandy eyes. He would want to burn down this inner withered land that once has been fertile soil in Steve's soul. That part of his soul where all the hurt lives. Danny wouldn't rest until he would have ransacked every corner to find the scars and the pain his parents caused him. He would want to take the agony away, forever.

But this isn't possible. All Danny could do is to be there for Steve when he needs him. He sits quietly next to him, petting his hair and grazing his knuckles up and down over the soft skin on his neck.

When Danny trusts his voice again, he gives Steve a promise. "We'll go back to the island and this time we stay a few days, just the two of us. I'll make it happen. And don't worry too much about Mary. I'm sure she feels the same way as you do. She wants to be close to her family, too."

"Thanks, Danny."

Danny knows these two words are loaded with emotions Steve hasn't found the words yet to express them properly. But it's enough. There's no other answer needed.

"I love you, Danno."

Steve presses his lips to Danny's mouth. The kiss is soft and warm. Danny holds on to Steve's neck for a while longer. "I love you, too, babe but we really have to go now if we want to greet Mary and Joanie with Leis. You might want to drive with flashing lights to get there in time."

Steve's smile is smug when he finally turns the ignition and the Camaro roars to life. 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, guys. This is it. This is the last chapter that completes this super long fix-it. I would want to stay longer in this universe with the guys. I kind of already miss them. God, I will go down with this ship. I'm really a bit emotional right now. I've never planned for this story to get that long, to get so attached but then again, it happens with all my stories I write for the boys.
> 
> I'd like to thank you with all my heart for your amazing, stunning support! You gifted me with fabulous comments, with words of love and passion, with the love for the boys and with your attention because you read my story. And this means the world to me. 
> 
> It's always so special to know you're right there with me, by my side, cheering me on and making me fly with all your appreciation and your love. So, Mahalo and Aloha, my wonderful friends. It was a great ride with all of you. I have a big project I'm working on but there will always be shorter one-shots in between to take a break from my sequel I'm writing for Danny and Steve. I love the boys to the moon and back. And I love you for staying with me. Until next time, my wonderful friends!


End file.
